An important message for Gob

[TPFKA@W]

It seems that you follow Scooter around making remarks about his sexual orientation. I have noticed it several times. Actually it may be others making remarks too but I seem to notice your remarks more.

Anyway it seems to be important to you that you *winkwink* let him know that you know he's gay.

Please rent or buy some gay porn and get it out of your system. Then perhaps we can discuss snow without you pointing out that you know he's gay. *winkwink*

[Scooter]

Gob engages in sexual banter with a lot of posters, I suspect it just stands out more when he does it with the onjy out gay guy on the board. I tend to take that stuff in the spirit in which it is intended, and I think you have seen enough of my reaction to know how I deal with it when I believe it is meant in a less than cordial way.

Your feelings about it are what they are and are no less valid because of what my opinion happens to be. Frankly I tend to raise my eyebrows more at some of the posts, not just by Gob but by others as well, that seem to be objectifying women. I guess perspective is everything.

[TPFKA@W]

I noticed the objectification of women part too from the board knuckle draggers. It doesn't bother me too much because it makes me feel like a time traveling anthropologist studying neanderthals.

The bit with your orientation is more draining due to its persistance. Mention a back door, inches of snow etc and await the inevitable.

[MajGenl.Meade]

await the inevitable

You mean like:

I suspect it just stands out?

@W since you address the post to Gob but post it in public (and I admit to engaging in similar remarks), it seems fair to comment. I thought Scooter's response was well-considered and I echo what he said about the validity of your feelings. I don't mean that to be condescending - he's correct IMO and that's that.

You raise a real question about the nature of "humour" and "jokes". Obviously such remarks, even those meant to be light-hearted banter to use Scooter's word, can be offensive to some, regardless of intent. I rarely let an innuendo go by even when it's clear that I should. This is frequently regretted too late.

The objectification of women is something that I often lampoon. For example, in describing the SA Minister as being of "Women, Children and People with Other Disabilities" I intend to indicate the lumping together three categories as if they were truly connected. There should be three gov't ministers IMO - not one. Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit and sometimes it's not recognised but taken as seriously meant. But it's true that sometimes one can use that excuse to just brazenly state some chauvinist point and get away with it - kind of like being old and using age as the excuse to say what I want because I'm just an old codger so everyone should just put up with it.

If a black person frequented this board (and I don't know if that's the case or not) then would one be justified in making "snow flake" remarks in a thread about the weather or "black out" jokes if the subject were electricity supply? I suspect not in most cases. However, the nature of the relationship must be taken into account - two people who've know each other a long time treat each other differently than would a stranger or even an acquaintance.

In view of your post, a thoughtful re-evalution (not for you - for me) is perhaps in order although I personally will not be renting any Video Nasties.

[Scooter]

@W - case in point.

[Crackpot]

In view of your post, a thoughtful re-evalution (not for you - for me) is perhaps in order although I personally will not be renting any Video Nasties.

Especially when you can get it free on the net.

[Guinevere]

I noticed the objectification of women part too from the board knuckle draggers. It doesn't bother me too much because it makes me feel like a time traveling anthropologist studying neanderthals.

The bit with your orientation is more draining due to its persistance. Mention a back door, inches of snow etc and await the inevitable.

The objectification of women doesn't bother me that much, it's the other behaviors and comments that are blatantly condescending and chauvinistic, not to mention misogynistic that I find troublesome. Although like @W, I usually consider the source. Still, in a place where fewer and fewer women bother to spend time posting (as demonstrated by the "poll" and Joe's "criteria") one should ask -- why?

[Joe Guy]

...fewer women bother to spend time posting (as demonstrated by the "poll" and Joe's "criteria") one should ask -- why?

To clarify - if anyone were to read my opening post in that thread, they would see that the criteria for being judged 'Plan B Person of the Year 2013' (thanks for the opportunity to advertize, @W) is only that one needs to have posted here in 2013 and had an impact - positive or negative.

Less women posting here isn't because they don't bother to spend time posting. It's because there are less women than men registered here.

In response to @W's OP - thank you for showing us how thoughtful and caring you are about other people. Scooter is a helpless little guy who cannot stand up for himself...

[MajGenl.Meade]

it's the other behaviors and comments that are blatantly condescending and chauvinistic, not to mention misogynistic that I find troublesome. ..... Still, in a place where fewer and fewer women bother to spend time posting (as demonstrated by the "poll" and Joe's "criteria") one should ask -- why?

This may be a discussion that should be explored. I don't ask for specific examples of condescending etc. (no names, no pack drill) but could you please expand a little on the kinds of behaviours and comments that you refer to? If I'm guilty, or rather when more likely, feel free to say so - I won't argue.

In your second, yes that's a very good question - why are fewer and fewer women bothering? My guess is that this place is sometimes like a kindergarten room with the boys throwing their toys around and seeing who can pee farthest up a wall. In the main, I've always thought that (of the men) Andrew D, rubato, Scooter, LJ (sorry if I've left any man off the list - I'm sure there are others) at least most of the time post seriously and thoughtfully on many topics - unlike me who majors in offending on one theme and sub-annoying elsewhere.

Being fair to Joe - I think poll and criteria are best not in inverted commas. His frequency calculation method does indeed draw attention to the question you ask as I mentioned in my own vote post.

Why do men (me) enjoy so much making "funny" derogatory quips to each other, or anyone else - and does this drive women away?

Meade

[Joe Guy]

His frequency calculation method does indeed draw attention to the question you ask as I mentioned in my own vote post.

What frequency calculation method?

[MajGenl.Meade]

I could only put 10 names in the poll, so those who are named in it meet the following standards:

1) Are among the posters with the highest post count
2) Have posted regularly throughout this year

Call me Maggie Arglestrope, but my guess is that 'post count' and 'regularity' are an indication of frequency. I.E. those who posted most often and most regularly are in the poll - all others may be voted for. It's not a criticism of you - your valid calculation revealed something Guin and I noted. Only one lady met the (1) and (2) criteria, That's all.

[Joe Guy]

Dear Maggie Arglestrope,

Now I get it. I misinterpreted what both you and Guin wrote.

I thought you meant what I posted was criteria I created for eligibility to get a vote. But now I realize I may be the only one who didn't understand what people thought I meant when I wrote what I did.

Pip pip, cheerio and all that rot...

[TPFKA@W]

Guin I don't post very much because I don't have a lot of time to post. Seems like the web is bigger than it was and what little time I get is stretched over several places.

It really isn't a matter of being offended the op was offered more as a bit of a humorous observation than a serious rebuke.

I should imagine someone would take umbrage to having his gender described as a knuckle dragging Neanderthal.

In which case tough tookies.

Well and the responses I was commenting on are fairly eye-rollingly predictable

[Rick]

After the moment everything is more or less still life making it hard not to objectify, ouch this ground is ruff gotta band aid?

[Gob]

Please rent or buy some gay porn and get it out of your system.

Interestingly enough I have watched gay porn, or at least porn with gay sex in it, normally as part of some "orgy" scene.

Didn't get me off.

[Lord Jim]

Thanks for sharing...

[Gob]

I didn't share it with anyone?

Oh, and though me and Scooter have had our ups and downs over the years, (fnarrr fnarr, ) any ribbing by me of his sexuaity (titter,) is only meant in fun, and would cease should he find it objectionable.

[Scooter]

As I said, as I see it, you do it with everybody, and rather than exclude me just because I'm gay, you... adapt.

[TPFKA@W]

You say adapting I say devolving let's call the whole thing off...

Bandaids to aisle 8.

[Joe Guy]

I have a solution.

@W should put all of the people she considers to be knuckle draggers here on Foe.