Plan B Forum

hbd bs

darn. willie made me cry....

This is, bar none, the very worst birthday of my entire life thus far.

I'm not usually big on birthdays anyway, the older I've gotten.

But this one is even less worth celebrating, when everything I've ever thought was me is falling apart around me and I'm facing an entirely uncertain future whose prospects are entirely unknown to me.

And my best friend just died two weeks ago, so when I'm feeling super low and crying myself silly, I've got that to deal with, too.

So if any of you are open to sharing thoughts about your own major life crises, and how the end of everything you knew was actually the beginning of something better, please feel free - I could certainly use the encouragement as I try to get through the next few weeks.

Once I'm home and living with my friends in Maine, I think I'll be 'okay', whatever that is. At the moment, though, as I'm packing up and mostly selling or giving away the majority of material possessions I've accumulated over the past 25 years, and letting go of my profession, and losing my house - well, I'm not going to pretend out of stupid pride that I am not in the middle of a feeling of intense isolation and hopelessness.

Whether you've loved me or hated me over the years, now is the time I could really use, instead of a 'happy birthday', a kind word of real encouragement.

Thanks, friends.

hey .

I ve been thru a lot of crap in my life, and a couple of years ago, fate and bad decisions combined and almost destroyed me. not only my body, but me (italics)

my spirit was broken. I went from the toughest son of a bitch around to a broken man, physically and mentally. I was a blubbering broken wreck of a man for pretty close to a year. I almost ended my life. I was torn between talking myself into it and out of it.

from the time I was a young man, I was the guy who pulled others thru tough times, in a no nonsense kind of way.

I had a saying that I would tell people who were down on their luck, and after my own recent experience it still rings true to me.

You will get thru this. you will. you might come out of it in worse shape than when you went in to it, but you will get thru it. you may come out weaker than you were, but that s ok. when you get to the other side of this you can do, or build something new. you may not be the same, but you may be something better.

and honestly, I needed jesus this last time, and he was there. I found him in a book called The Robe. it s all about new beginnings, even if you have hit the bottom, you can still be good and do good. and you can like yourself again.

and you can do it with nothing. you can do it broke. you can do it homeless. you can do it even if you have lost everything you ever had or were.

I would recommend The Robe to you. I ll even send you my copy if you want it. it is a proven life saver..., whether it s a proven soul saver, or not, is up to me.

love
wes

(it s kind of a boy book, but I think you will like it)

BSG, I've gone through some tough times in my life, but (thank the Lord) I have never been hit with as many whammies as you have in so short a time, so I will not pretend that I can genuinely know what you're going through. (I didn't know that on top of everything else you've also lost your house.)

Aside from offering my best wishes for you, the only advice I can give is that you try to focus on the positive things you do have to get yourself through. You have supportive friends and family and soon you will be with them again; (there are folks who have terrible life reversals who don't have that going for them.)

You may feel isolated now, but soon you will be back among them. And then you will have their moral support and encouragement to draw on to make you feel stronger and more confident as you move forward with the next phase of your life.

For now, if it were me in your position, I'd just be trying to get everything wrapped up as quickly in Montana as possible so that I could move on. There's a quote from Churchill that I think might be appropriate to your situation:

Birthdays are a celebration of survival and accomplishment. The one day of the years that is indisputably ours, regardless of any of the physical, emotional, financial, or other constraints. Open one of those bottles of wine, call some friends and celebrate life and all you have experienced.

On the tough challenges ahead, you aren't alone, it is the rare human who has not struggled. My best strategy/advice is to let go. Give up the preconceived notions. Let go of the ideals. Then be brutally honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses and what makes up your essence. Don't be afraid to ask for help, either.

It is only in that deepest honesty that we find our true selves. It's not easy work to get there, but when you can be true to yourself, then you can live life confidently and joyously and be present. Everything else flows from that.

BSG--like Jim, I have been through some tough times, but I cannot begin to imagine the position you find yourself in. I think Guin's advice is good to take stock of yourself, and I agree with wes that you will get through this. I also like Jim's advice of looking at the positive things you do have, and leaning on them as needed; you will find many people more than happy to extend themselves to help. Jim's advice (quoting Churchill) of moving forward is important too; don't be so focused on the destination as on getting through this--when you are out of the dismal swamp you can begin to take bearings and orient yourself, but you need to get to a point where you can do that. Set your goal on moving to a place where that is attainable, and you will be far ahead.

And to that I can only add, don't give up. It is easy to give into the overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, but don't succumb to that trap. Over the past few years I have completely revamped my career, going into practice for myself after working years in corporate departments, learning new areas of law that I never had any exposure to, and basically having to scale back my lifestyle somewhat as I am building a second career. I found myself feeling overwhelmed many times, but when I felt the sinking feeling, I always tried to concentrate on what I did have and take solace in that, as well as forcing myself to move on. Indeed, we are all moving on every day of our lives, and none of us can control the path as much as we'd like, so sometimes it's best to enjoy the ride as best you can--you'll get nothing for standing still. And While I can't promise you that the future will bring everything you want, you will move on and eventually get to a better place; even if that place is not where you planned to go or even thought of, it will have its own set of joys in store for you.

It's not an easy journey, but it is worth it; and I wish you Godspeed on yours.

Something else that helps me, and is consistent with what BigRR has said:

You know my story so I won't bore you with it again.
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. This works for me whenever things get overwhelming.
A twist on what Guin just posted that I have heard in the meetings.

Yesterdays regrets and tomorrows worries take away todays peace.


I have found that whenever one door gets closed, another one opens. Not always right away, but it does sooner or later.

And what helped wesw. For you it may not be Jesus, but the great "cosmic energy" is there to tap into.
I am just a PM away if you need to talk further.
Good energy being sent your way.

and as far as changing careers, it can be good. again, you might have to start out on a lower rung again, but the ladder muight lead to a better place.

after high school and a summer at the beach I went into the HVAC trade, i had some background that made it easy for me and i succeeded.
i made good money and was one of the only guys that the elite local builder would let do the Heat and air in his million dollar plus homes. he threw a lot of guys off his jobs. he built the best houses I ve ever seen except for wealthy colonial era homes.

don Patterson. he ended up going nuts tho and did a murder suicide on his mistress, I think. he did civil war re enactments and thought he was general lee re incarnate. I guess his honor required him to off them when word got out. nutso.....

we also did a lot of existing churchs in the boondocks, a lot of old AME churches. these churches had no crawl space to speak of and we would have to trench for equipment and duct installation.

in the summer we spent a lot of time in 140 degree attics. i learned almost every trade in that job and it benefitted me greatly, but after about 6 years .., i would look at the crawl space entrance, know what my day was gonna be and i would just hate my job.

so i quit, i built boats for about a year at bayliner, painted a little with a spray rig, and that got me a job at the steel shop.

i spent the next 20 yrs in steel shops

i ended up advancing very quickly, ran the shipping, moved into fabrication, moved to MA and ended up supervising the Misc. shop there, came home and ended up as quality control sup, then went back into fabrication mostly as lead fabricator with various and endless duties.

it was good to get out from under my first career choice...

...sure the steel shop helped to cripple me, but i loved it. it was me.

if i hadn t been such a fuck up i would have had great success.

change is good, there is less stress at the bottom of the ladder too. just opportunity to rise.

You dear people made me cry!

Thank you for that outpouring of encouragement, you will never know how much it is appreciated and I'm sure I'll be back to re-read the wisdom repeatedly in the coming months. (Mayhap we should resurrect this thread next birthday, to revisit my terror and see where I've ended up?)

While you all were posting, I was representing a defendant in my last ever criminal court proceeding in Montana - talk about bittersweet - and driving back in a a huge gusty windstorm with snowclouds quickly rolling in through the mountains - just beat the snow home!

I also texted today with a friend in Maine who has a lot of good contacts and put in a word for me; I'm supposed to forward my resume, and maybe something good will come of it?

I have been battling a lot in recent weeks with wondering if I should hang on here a little longer and see if I can make a go of things and preserve status quo - but I also realize that the older I get, and now having health issues, the more I want to be near my family and lifelong friends, I want to play coolest Auntie to my sweet little 5 year old niece, I want to paddle and swim in the ocean, I want to be HOME. (Can't get the New England out of this girl's heart and every year away has felt like exile, even in lovely Montana.)

Thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart!

I feel like this:



eta: Thank you, Plan B-villians!

I just saw a story on the news about an 8 year old girl who was diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer. I thought through all the implications associated with that and about her future. Because I deal day to day with people who have hit rock bottom I don't have a good deal of time to think about my own issues which are blessedly few in the grand scheme.
I suggest that you keep your mind very busy. Focus on the blessings that you have. For all you have going south you are still better off than a huge number of others. Find people who are not so well blessed and their circumstances will make you realize what you still have.

Why not look into becoming a public guardian? There is a significant need for this and I can't think of anyone better qualified than a displaced lawyer. Someone I work with does that and makes a living out of overseeing people on a monthly basis.

Best wishes on your birthday. Like the others have said, we all have, to a greater or lesser extent, gone through difficult times and made it back to a happy life. You have tough changes and choices ahead but there is no doubt your life can be something you very much enjoy again.

It sounds to me like you're headed in the right direction, BSG. (Of course, you'll have to change your name again - MSG?... ) I can already see some good that will come out of it. Being an aunt to a 5 yr old will help to keep you positive. She will add perspective to your life and keep you busy if you let her.

The best thing you can do is be around friends and family as often (and as soon) as possible. They will help you to see the light at the end of the tunnel and make you feel more secure.

Best wishes...

I don t know about MSG....

...MSG gives me headache.

It reminds me of the sign I have on my office wall...

In the immortal words of Frederich Nietzsche...

"That which does not destroy me, makes me stronger"....

What, like genital warts?

Or General's warts?