I just wanted to say that I did previously have a decent savings squirreled away for just this kind of thing, but when life throws you several curve balls like an MS diagnosis, a small business failure/major investment loss, a major relocation, etc. all within the space of 10 months - well, I'm obviously not able to be as on top of my financial shit at this moment in my life as I have been at others.
Because I used my then-excellent personal credit rating to secure the credit I needed to launch my small business just two years after buying a house, my credit is significantly damaged while I work through my business debt reorganization and repayment plan. It is what it is, I'm only in the same boat with all the other solo law practices and small businesses that fail in any given year. With any luck I'll get an offer on my house this week (one prospective buyer has looked at it 3 times and keeps talking to the realtor about writing an offer), and that will help me resolve a lot of outstanding obligations and start the path to culturally-acceptable credit rating level again.
I take heart in knowing that many great people in history have been bankrupts or faced financial devastation just shy of that, including Presidents Jefferson and Lincoln. I take heart in knowing that you can't fail big unless you've taken big risks and that having the courage to lose sight of the shore is what compels great explorers in life.
But still it's humiliating to be in this position because, basically, it is deeply embedded in our culture to be judgmental about folks in poverty and no matter what the circumstances that brought one there or whatever history of hard work ethic, responsible financial management, good citizenship/public service, or generosity toward others in richer times that a person might have had - once they are broke, they are
just that to many people. Broke. Ass. LOSER.
I guess I'm grateful to be having the firsthand experience of knowing what this feels like; I thought I
did from all the years I was a 'poor' student putting myself through school, and all the years I've worked with those in poverty or who were working poor, but now I know it in a very, VERY intimate way.
I just realized I hadn't updated you guys here in a few months on my situation (the further adventures of locationgal):
I moved home to Massachusetts last month, to access top quality Boston-based healthcare resources and to live cheaply co-housing with family, helping my cousins clean/renovate (after my cousin's mom passed away after chain-smoking in her basement 'apartment' for 20 years). My SNAP and my MassHealth applications are pending, so I am very much the embodiment of a Broke. Ass. Loser.
To exhibit my continued work ethic: I got a part-time job my first weekday here a little less than a month ago, I am working 25 hours/week at that job and looking for another part-time job, have an interview later this week or early next (haven't gotten the date confirmed yet) and expect I'll be hired. I am also lining up some contract legal writing as another part-time job, although that is not a reliable/steady source of income yet.
I am struggling dealing with the MS-related pain and infirmities that seem to been daily progressing, and hoping that as soon as I see a doctor here & get an MRI I can get on some symptom-relieving meds that will help with all that and maybe on one of the newer MS meds that are purported to reduce frequency of relapses and reduce flare-up symptoms. I do have good days, just that pain is now part of most every day at one level or another and I also struggle with vision problems and cognition issues on a pretty regular basis. And all of that blows beyond belief when you are a Type A overachiever suddenly NOT ABLE to be.
Anyhoo, back to the broken-legged dog: Again, I'm SO grateful for friends and acquaintances here willing to spot me small loans to add up to the big amount I need so quickly for Bear and don't have right on hand. Obviously, if I could have gotten approved for Care Credit I would have done that rather than have to resort to GoFundMe - but I'm a broke ass loser now, so I can't. (I did look into getting pet insurance coverage for Bear after putting $5k into her rescue-related treatment, but because of her 'previous health issues' she didn't qualify for a remotely affordable policy - I would have paid more than this surgical cost is going to be in premiums/one year, to get only 90% coverage of necessary veterinary care.)
Despite the very kind & generous offers, I WILL pay every penny back to those who give. I'll keep the 5% interest I was offering if that helps - but I can't be in debt to my family, friends or internet acquaintances - I would not feel comfortable about that, sorry!
But thank you, very much!
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
