The dreaded visit
The dreaded visit
Just got the message that my dad hasn't returned a call in 3 days and it falls to me to go over there tonight after work and check on him. It sucks being the trusted and responsible one in the family.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: The dreaded visit
CP - if something could really be wrong call the local fire/police. They will do a wellness check. Probably better to do that, they can help him asap if anything is wrong.
“I ask no favor for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks.” ~ Ruth Bader Ginsburg, paraphrasing Sarah Moore Grimké
Re: The dreaded visit
Guin is absolutely right...
If nothing is wrong, and he just wasn't answering because he didn't feel like talking to anybody, (I obviously don't know if this is common for him to do) or there was a problem with his phone he may be pissed, but better that then there be a serious problem, (like he's had a bad fall) and you don't get help to him ASAP...
If nothing else, if it turns out nothing is wrong after emergency services show up, that will probably be a good lesson to him to return your phone calls...
If it were me I'd call them IMMEDIATELY.
If nothing is wrong, and he just wasn't answering because he didn't feel like talking to anybody, (I obviously don't know if this is common for him to do) or there was a problem with his phone he may be pissed, but better that then there be a serious problem, (like he's had a bad fall) and you don't get help to him ASAP...
If nothing else, if it turns out nothing is wrong after emergency services show up, that will probably be a good lesson to him to return your phone calls...
If it were me I'd call them IMMEDIATELY.
Re: The dreaded visit
This should be your new signature line!Lord Jim wrote:Guin is absolutely right...
“I ask no favor for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks.” ~ Ruth Bader Ginsburg, paraphrasing Sarah Moore Grimké
Re: The dreaded visit
He has been known to take off on road trips from time to time. So busting down the doo if we don't even know if he's home seems a bit much.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: The dreaded visit
Police won't bust down the door on a welfare check, absent plain sight evidence (seeing through a window that he's in distress) that justifies entry sans warrant.
But he's your father and you know best; if he's the sort to take off on spontaneous trips without telling anyone, or the sort to avoid speaking with family for days at a time, it might very well (likely) be that he's perfectly fine. You'll visit after work and find him well, or find the house quiet and his vehicle gone. I'm sure you're well aware of any other possible scenarios and are already stressed about that; breathe deeply and don't worry yourself until actually necessary.
I think the larger point of your OP - from my perspective, working as a paid caregiver and talking to lots of adult children acting as caregivers for elder parents - is that the onus often falls unfairly on one person in the family to be the 'confronting' or responsible caregiver. This person is the one everyone goes to to take the lead caring for mom/dad, having the 'giving up driving' talk when the time comes, taking the lead on arranging medical care, etc. It's not always like that but is more often than not, from what I've seen. And the psychological and physical impact of caregiver responsibility is very real.
If you are stuck in this position in your family, CP, please make sure to take some time to care for yourself.
But he's your father and you know best; if he's the sort to take off on spontaneous trips without telling anyone, or the sort to avoid speaking with family for days at a time, it might very well (likely) be that he's perfectly fine. You'll visit after work and find him well, or find the house quiet and his vehicle gone. I'm sure you're well aware of any other possible scenarios and are already stressed about that; breathe deeply and don't worry yourself until actually necessary.
I think the larger point of your OP - from my perspective, working as a paid caregiver and talking to lots of adult children acting as caregivers for elder parents - is that the onus often falls unfairly on one person in the family to be the 'confronting' or responsible caregiver. This person is the one everyone goes to to take the lead caring for mom/dad, having the 'giving up driving' talk when the time comes, taking the lead on arranging medical care, etc. It's not always like that but is more often than not, from what I've seen. And the psychological and physical impact of caregiver responsibility is very real.
If you are stuck in this position in your family, CP, please make sure to take some time to care for yourself.
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
~ Carl Sagan
Re: The dreaded visit
I just tend to be the most easygoing and possibly more to the point most forgiving member of the family. Probably not the most responsible (by a long shot) just the one least likly to get or make someone else irretrievably pissed off. So when it comes to important long term matters (like having a key to my dads house) it falls to me.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: The dreaded visit
stopped by my dad's condo No truck storm door locked (so I couldn't get in anyway) Gave my Dads Cell a call shire enough He is on his way back from up north. so the dread is put off for another day
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: The dreaded visit
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
~ Carl Sagan
Re: The dreaded visit
It's better to be the responsible one people call on than to be someone else. But all good things have their price.
Or are you just humble bragging?
yrs,
rubato
Or are you just humble bragging?
yrs,
rubato
Re: The dreaded visit
Glad he is ok.
“I ask no favor for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks.” ~ Ruth Bader Ginsburg, paraphrasing Sarah Moore Grimké
Re: The dreaded visit
No not humble bragging in truth I'd rather not have the responsibility it makes my anxiety run wild
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: The dreaded visit
Glad he's ok, but somebody should get across to dad (diplomatically) that he needs to stay in touch when he goes on a road trip...
That's one thing you need never have any fear that you will be accused of...
You're in luck rube...humble bragging
That's one thing you need never have any fear that you will be accused of...
Re: The dreaded visit
At the least set up voice mail on his cell.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: The dreaded visit
If he's severely tech-challenged somebody can do that for him, and then he just needs to know how to check it...
Re: The dreaded visit
He's not he has a better grasp on tech than I do.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: The dreaded visit
The big problem is that he has to check it and delete old emails. My dad's box was always full because he never deleted anything--more of that depression era waste not want not I guess 
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oldr_n_wsr
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Re: The dreaded visit
Glad he's ok Crackpot.
Get one of those car tracker thingies and put it in/on his car. Then you can keep tabs when he goes on a trip.
Get one of those car tracker thingies and put it in/on his car. Then you can keep tabs when he goes on a trip.
Re: The dreaded visit
The dreaded visit
And I was SURE this was about a colonoscopy.
yrs,
rubato