Plan B Forum

Relive our live and interactive coverage from day one of first Ashes Test in Brisbane

Sean; I'm seriously thinking of throwing a sickie.

England slipped to a dismal 381-run defeat to Australia in Brisbane as the hosts struck a powerful psychological blow early in the Ashes series.

Captain Alastair Cook's defiance extended to almost four and a half hours but it was nowhere near enough to redress a dramatic imbalance in this match which opened up when the tourists lost six first-innings wickets for nine runs as they failed to cope with the pace of Mitchell Johnson.

Cook (65) did his best to narrow the margin. But in pursuit of a notional world-record 561 to win, England could not stop their hosts converting their obvious supremacy into a landslide victory with more than a day to spare as another rush of four wickets for nine runs took hold on the fourth evening.

Johnson (five for 42) was again part of the rampage in England's 179 all out, and he took nine wickets in a match which he finished himself - with a simple caught-and-bowled - to end some late aggravation between the close fielders and last man James Anderson.

You come up here and sit on the bench

And think of the safest place on earth

Where no one would ever beat you again

And you could stay there the rest of your life

Where would it be little man?”

I wanna play cricket against England

They never beat anyone

Can’t bat, can’t bowl, can’t catch, can’t throw

Can’t even fucking run

So give me an Aussie Guernsey

And bring them pommies on

I wanna play cricket against England

They never beat anyone