Plan B Forum

As if we didn’t already have enough to worry about, what with the never-ending wars, economic inequality, prejudice, and the latest Drake album being very underwhelming to be perfectly honest, now I find out we have too much cheese.



According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, the United States has an overwhelming surplus of cheese, enough to equal three extra pounds of the stuff for every person in the country. If that’s really the case, then I eagerly await my share of this glorious bounty. Just ship it over in some dry ice, Obama. This hot tub I just installed in my back yard will make an excellent fondue pot.

The unfortunate dark side of this situation is that the overproduction of cheese by dairy farmers has tanked the price of their number one product, costing the industry millions of dollars in lost revenue. Michigan dairy farmer Carla Wardin told the Journal that her colleagues plan to deal with the situation by “do[ing] the same thing … you milk more cows”.

If dairy farmers refuse to stop making cheese, I suppose the only solution to this problem is to quickly, efficiently dispose of the cheese surplus. How are we going to do that? Glad you asked, because I have a few brilliant solutions. In fact, these are so clever that you might as well start calling me the Elon Musk of dairy products:

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