Plan B Forum

BoSoxGal wrote:Over 50% of both genders admit engaging in infidelity at least once within a marriage or other committed relationship.

Is it ever justified or acceptable? Why or why not?

I'd prefer to see a discussion not enmeshed in religious doctrine, but all perspectives are valued.

6/29/2009 @ 12:00AM
Just How Many Spouses Cheat?

Tom Smith, the highly respected academic survey researcher, has this to say about extramarital sex: “There are probably more scientifically worthless ‘facts’ on extramarital relations than on any other facet of human behavior.” Given the relentless coverage of the extramarital affairs of Sen. John Ensign and Gov. Mark Sanford, it’s worth asking: Just how common is this kind of cheating? And, furthermore, do Americans care?

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In a 2006 paper Smith reported: “The best estimates are that about 3% to 4% of currently married people have a sexual partner besides their spouse in a given year and about 15% to 18% of ever-married people have had a sexual partner other than their spouse while married.”

This is a far cry from the claims of some sex researchers like Sherry Hite, who has posited that 70% of women who have been married for five years or more are having affairs.

According to Smith, the proportion of Americans who have ever had an affair rises from 13% among 18- to 29-year-olds to 20% among those in the mid-life-crisis years, from ages 40 to 49. Then the level drops off.

Perhaps extramarital liaisons are more common among the young, Smith speculates, because they haven’t been married long, and they may be more used to multiple sexual partners. Husbands are much more likely than wives to say they are involved in an affair.

When asked whether extramarital sexual relations are always wrong, almost always wrong, wrong only sometimes or not wrong at all, public opinion is uniformly adamant. According to polls, slightly more than 80% of Americans say that extramarital sexual relations are always wrong. The “always wrong” response has actually risen over the past 35 years. In the early 1970s, around 70% of people polled said extramarital sexual relations were always wrong. Today’s stricter attitudes could be a reaction against the steady stream of high-profile revelations about the affairs of public figures. Or perhaps we have retreated from the more freewheeling sexual attitudes of the 1960s and 1970s.

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Joe Guy wrote:Unless your marriage vows include an infidelity clause that exempts cheating under certain circumstances, it is never acceptable or justified. If you're in a committed relationship and not married, it's not acceptable or justified either, but since you're not married you're not really 100% committed. You're just making it easier to opt out of the relationship because you're an immature wuss who isn't ready to commit to a partner but still expects the other person to be committed.

Long Run wrote:I believe this study is more realistic about the numbers (the numbers that Hite reported are absurd).

Big RR wrote:Joe--and what I'm saying is that there are many types of relationships and the couple needs to define for themselves what theirs will be. So while many (including myself) subscribe to your traditional view of sexual relations outside of marriage, others do not and I am saying we cannot impose upon them our view of what a marriage should be. So, to return to BSG's first question, if both parties agree to it, I do think it is justified.

oldr_n_wsr wrote:I had an affair. Her name was alcohol. We have since split up and my wife has accepted me back. I will spend the rest of my life making that infidelity up to her.