Plan B Forum

If someone has done wrong by you how many chances do you give them until you no longer have anything to do with them?

Very much depends on the person and the relationship I have with them.

I have forgiven one person countless times for being a prick, because I care deeply for them and wouldn't want to lose them as a friend for all their faults.

Other people are lucky if they get one chance before they incur the wrath and never darken my door again.

Daisy wrote:Very much depends on the person and the relationship I have with them.

I have forgiven one person countless times for being a prick, because I care deeply for them and wouldn't want to lose them as a friend for all their faults.

Other people are lucky if they get one chance before they incur the wrath and never darken my door again.

I agree with the above. My experience has led me to look for the inherent good in everyone. That is not to exclude the true evil that occurs in some as I have encountered a few who were beyond the pale of what we as a civil society accept even on a bad day. Generally, excluding physical harm, I am able to deal with most behaviour with a live and let live attitude. I try to look at the big picture and see the why rather than focus on a selfish reaction that stems from a preceived emotional injury. Most of the time that has saved me from giving up on a friend who just needs a friend.

Pretty similar to Daisy & Miles, it depends on the prior relationship I had with them and also what the cost is to me or my family to remain friends with them, I grieved for a very long time over the loss of a friend who I loved like a sister who I forgave too many times to count for things she did which hurt me deeply; those things I could forgive or reconcille with knowing she was a flawed individual. But the day she stepped over the line and caused hurt and potentially serious harm to my husband and son was the last day I called her a friend or had anything more to do with her. Several years later she emailed me as by chance we'd ended up on the same forum online, she apologised for what she'd done and she told me she wasn't seeking forgiveness or reconcilliation I thanked her politely, wished her well and left the forum, we've had no contact since nor do I want any, sad thing is I still miss her ... but I don't miss what it could cost me to be her friend.

Add me to chorus answering it depends. Everyone gets a second chance with me, but if its a trust violation, that's the last chance.

That being said, none of us are perfect, and I have a difficult time holding a grudge.

In contrast, some people on my mother's side of the family are so good at that. My great aunt used to pull out slights (real or imagined) from decades earlier and toss them at people. Her daughter -- a real looney tunes -- had the misfortune to call my Mom the other week and chastise her for something that supposedly happened in the 50s. I was more upset that it upset Mom -- who is in her 70s and not in the greatest of health -- but honestly, a 50-year-old alleged minor infraction? Give me a break. Looney tunes will not be contacting Mom again, lest stalking or harassment charges be made.

Depends.

If the act is proof of real corruption I will never forget it. There have been a few of those. If it is in the realm of 'to err is human' then I won't recall it very long. And this is the mass of humanity. it is a tough boundary to define though.

yrs,
rubato

There are very few, I'll not give any more chances to; many of my relationships have had sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth... To be frank, that group that I've broken all ties to includes my mom. sister and Ex. They received one chance after another; and forgiveness after forgiveness ...and all they did was take advantage of my kindness, to break my heart one. more. time.

Most people aren't like them, fortunately. So, if there are signs of true remorse; growing up and reaching out, I'm willing to forgive and forget. It was for the best to learn from that experience, and we move on. However, I'm not fooled by phonies. Some people you just have to let go.

I'm pretty tolerant, I'm too forgiving at times, but only when it comes to me.

Fuck with mine and suffer.

Ruthless here, I cut people completely out, but of course it depends on the cause and how egregious it is.

Here's a tough one, maybe you'all can comment?


I'm a friendly sort and at least wave at my neighbors if I can't talk to them. So many in the trailerhood, so little time.... When I noticed I had new neighbor kitty-corner across the street: I waved - he turned away. Hmmm.

Not my business, if he didn't want to socialize, but a few months later and another neighbor two doors down, informed the block that said new resident, was a ...child molester.
Now, to give him a fair shake, a 'sex offender' is a pretty broad label and can mean anything from 'lewd conduct' to child abuse; so I went to the Megan's Law site to check him out and...

He's a serial child abuser; the worst kind.

<oh shit-o>

What do I do?

Befriend a convicted sadist, just because he's done nothing to me?

Alienate a new neighbor, who's done nothing to me?




Color me befuddled

I wouldn't befriend a convicted child molester.

Call me what you will, I just can't see it happening.

Lo--I'm not really friends with most of my neighbors (although I do get along with most of them), so I wouldn't see a problem here. I'd just treat him like I treat someone else and keep an eye on him (and, of course, keep my kids away from him).

BTW, is the sort of information you found publicly available from the police or county? If not, I would treat it as not necessarily true; I've heard of private websites that have ruined peoples' lives with unfounded and false information, so consider the source.

Yes, registered sex offenders have to keep registered in Cali, if they are are convicted in a court of law.

Their charges are listed and posted, online.

He (my neighbor) has done nothing, not even wave, to this community.

...but without vigilance what will he do?