Plan B Forum

I lost my wife a week ago, to cancer. She was diagnosed two years ago with small cell lung cancer which is a pretty aggressive sort and for which there are few treatment options. There is no surgical possibility. The doctor told us basically, she had about six months if we did nothing. So we went through three rounds of chemo and two rounds of radiation therapy and immunotherapy - all of which are very debilitating. We signed up for a Phase 1 trial of a new drug and we were excited about that but it was particularly malevolent in terms of side effects.

All the while, whatever we did, it seemed to slow the growth of the tumor but not to stop it. The best I can say is that I got about a year and a half more of my beloved than if we had done nothing. At the moment I am very busy making arrangements and figuring out the insurance and all that and stuff in two countries and friends all over the world and I will return Susan's ashes to the country that made her. But I am dreading the times in the future when all that is done and I have to accept the new normal in my life.



I have no idea who the gormless idiot on the left is. This was taken a year ago and Susan's hair had started to grow back after the first round of chemo and radiation.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of this lovely lady.

Just last week I learned that one of my former coworkers/friends was diagnosed with small cell lung ca. My heart dropped into my stomach. This came on the heels of learning another friend was diagnosed with breast cancer which had been preceded by learning that my cousin has pancreatic cancer. I am so overwhelmed by all of it.

My heart goes out to you.

So sorry to hear this, you have my condolences.

Currently helping two very close friends, in any way I can, as Howard has prostate cancer which has rapidly spread through his body.

Andy, I am so sorry for your loss and the struggle that you and Susan endured. Though as you say, part of that struggle was extra time. All best wishes for your new normal.

A friend of ours in South Africa went through the same thing but she passed after only six months, most of that in a kind of half-waking coma. In that time, we grew very close to her husband whom we'd known a long time but not known well enough. And 3 days from now we mark the death of our son, Jesse, to GVH from a bone-marrow transplant fighting leukemia.

Hang on tight to the loved ones - that's all I can offer

My deepest condolences, XKA, that truly sucks. May her memory be a blessing.

Andy, for me it was May 30, 2020, pancreatic cancer. I understand. Go ahead and scream when you want.

snailgate

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Best wishes.

Condolences on your loss.

My sincerest condolences. As Sue said, may her memories be a blessing to you going forward. It's never easy to lose someone you love, but as I have noticed with friends who have also lost their spouses/significant others--those memories will eventually be a comfort. Celebrate her life and the time you had together. All the best.

I’m so very sorry for your loss Andy.

https://youtu.be/2mifAhvkcJU

Death Is Nothing At All
~ Henry Scott-Holland

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

I'm sorry for your loss, ex-KA.  Just remember these words from the late Sir Terry Pratchett:

“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away...”

Anything else I could say would still be woefully inadequate.

But as Sue U said, "let her memory be a blessing to you."   It helps.

Stay strong.

-"BB"-

I too feel inadequate to say anything, but you have my deepest condolences.

Bill's quote from Terry Pratchett was wonderful, and quite apt.

Andy, you have my deepest heartfelt sympathy.

I'm sorry, Andy, I don't know anything I could say that would help. I lost my mother, brother, best friend, and three other family members. And the only thing that helped me was time.

Many thanks everybody for your kind words.

I've had so may cards and contacts, even from old friends I have not seen for 20+ years, and all of course say what a warm / friendly / open /strong / beautiful person Susan was - I knew all that of course but I assumed that I was biased.

We are having a 'celebration of life' party at a local park on the 28th - they have a room you can rent for this sort of thing. It's very appropriate because it's a park with a walking track which we used to frequent during our occasional 'must keep fit' campaigns, and Susan often commented on how graceful that particular building was. It was one of the very first homes built in the area 80 odd years ago and is now the property of the town.

Luckily for me I am busy trying to organize this event so I have lots to do. Which is good.