Plan B Forum

... six more sleeps until my son leaves to begin his Army life.
Well .... six more days and seven sleeps really, but I can't count half of tonight because it's already after midnight. And I can't count all of next Monday night because I won't sleep much at all. And he'll be leaving at about 5am on Tuesday morning.
And then he'll belong to the Army for at least the next seven years.

He's my oldest child, he's the first to leave home, he's been the sort of 'father figure' in the house for the others - he taught them to shave and has always been there for them to learn from and lean on, and he's been the one 'in charge' when I was at work when they were all younger, the 'taxi' for them, the protector, the 'other parent' figure. He's our 'best friend', brother, son. He's known around the town as a great bloke - everyone's mate, counsellor and 'big brother' to all. He just seems to know everyone, and everyone thinks he's a top bloke.

I'm thrilled for him, because this is what he wants to do.
But we're all finding it hard to picture what it's going to be like. Even him - he's exceited but of course nervous about the first big step.
And I've always taught them to be independent and always encouraged them to be a bit adventurous. I used to say to people that if you wrap your kids up in cotton wool you smother them. And I used to say to my kids you could play it safe all your life and then get hit by a bus crossing the road. I know that's a dumb saying, but mum's are allowed to have them. I used to say that when you reach old age it's good to have interesting memories to look back on.
And they're all taking my advice and looking at interesting and adventurous careers. And I am honestly happy about it.

It's just that it's been the four of us for so long, against all sorts of odds, all sorts of adversity... no matter what, we've been solid.

So this is the beginning of the next phase of our lives - for him, the beginning of his independent adult life.
For us, the beginning of everyone growing up and out of home.

I'm scared that he's in the Army. I guess I always thought that when he eventually left home it would be to somewhere a bit more local, or somewhere I could ring and chat to him, or communicate by silly email messages, or something. But this is quite a bit more immediately final than that. Not that I'm normally a clingy mum. In fact, like I said, I've encouraged independence. I just never really visualised not being able to communicate at all. I never realised how much that would be the little bit that really mattered.

And although he won't go overseas for quite some time, he's told me that he will be going overseas. He said that if they ask for 'volunteers' he'll put his hand up. Not that the Army will probably need to ask, but he wanted me to know that he'll willingly go. He's told me that statistically he's got more chance of being in a car accident here than getting killed overseas. So now my son is throwing dumb platitudes back at me.


Anyway, they've all gone to bed and I feel a bit emotional. Just the feel sorry stuff ... this was the last Tuesday he'll sleep here, that sort of thing. I know I'm being a bit silly, but I just wanted to write this somewhere. Thanks for 'listening'

Sounds like you've done an outstanding job bringing him to this point; the rest is his own. He knows he's loved, and that's really the most important thing. Best of luck to all of you!

Seven years

I thought four was bad...

Oh Alice, I feel your crossroad.

It is a wonderful step for your son, but there is that part of you that will always be up at midnight and helping the little chap get back to sleep.

My turn is some time away, for which I am glad.

"They grown up too fast", I seem to recall my Grandpa saying. I thought at the time he was a bit bonkers as it had taken a MILLENIUM to reach ten.

How right he was.

To everything there is a season.

This season?; Be proud of him and yourself for a job well done. And God bless and protect you both.

Your son is a good person, one to be admired Alice, thank him for his service to this country from Hen, Hatch and me.

My godson tries out for the UK marines soon.

Alice can he stop by my house on his way and drag my son with him?
J/K
I know you did a great job of raising not only your eldest but all of your children and your lessons will keep him safe and an upstanding young man. You and yours faced countless adversities and you came through it and all of you are stronger for it.

You know where I am, contact me if/when you need to. I believe it's my turn.

You can be proud of both you and your son. He is embarking on a time in his life where he will find his courage and strength to be the man he needs to be. Take pride in him, as I know you will.

When my younger brother deployed overseas I caught my Mother stood in his old room in the family abode, looking around at all his old crap wondering if she'd ever see him again, just like I used to catch her at various times staring at something or other of my Dad's when he was deployed during his forces career. My brother is a tree surgeon now, and pops in on my folks regularly for tea and chats - my Mum approves of this new situation greatly, even if perhaps at times she couldn't see it coming.

Can't say it better, than how it's been said Alice. Your family tree is branching out, hope it flowers and bears fruit.

Thank you for all your kind and heartwarming words.
When I wrote that on Tuesday night I was having a little cry - just because it was a nice, quiet time of night to have a little emotional 'moment'. And l am spending most of my time trying to be outwardly strong, but inwardly feeling more and more 'fragile' about it as the time nears .
I've felt more comfort than I ever realised I would, just reading your responses to my little post.
Yes, I am so very, very proud of him. And yes, he knows he is loved, and I know that part of his confidence in life is because he knows we - me and his brothers - are 'behind him' all the way, always.

I'd happily take 'credit' for the way my children have grown into such fine young adults, but I think 'good' parenting is two parts skill, ninety eight parts luck. And I can't believe how incredibly lucky I am to have three such wonderful sons. I've told them often that I have the best kids in the world. and I honestly think they're pretty close to really being that.

It's after 2-30am on Thursday night, so now it's less than five sleeps away. The middle son has just been having a long reflective chat with me, about all sorts of things from his youth. He's just realised that next season will be the first baseball season he's ever played without being in the same team as his older brother. It's just all going to be different.

I took a little bit of time off work - I'm off until after he goes.
We think we've got everything the Army said he needs to take. We've been running around at the shops for the last couple of days and we've triple checked the list, and we're pretty certain he's fully packed. And he's nearly finished sorting and packing the rest of his room. He's got some stuff ready that he'll pick up and take back with him in the short break he gets after his initial three months basic training. Plus he's also got the other stuff he wants me to 'store' for him until whenever. Stuff he won't be carting around the place, like his old teddy bear and his sword collection and his sport trophies and other leftover remnants of his young self .
On Saturday he's having a little farewell barbeque and we're very busy getting the house sparkling and the yard spotless in readiness. We haven't even started the shopping for that yet. And we've got a list of all sorts of little things that 'have' to be done before he leaves, and the list keeps getting added to. It isn't possible to finish everything on the list. And we keep stopping and just talking. About all sorts of things. What it might be like in the Army. What was on the news. What he was reading on some dumb internet site. What he believes is the solution to some wondrous philosophical problem. Whatever. I love talking with him. I'll really, really miss that.

Thanks again for letting me have this ramble. It's very therapeutic!!

Alice, at this rate it will actually be NO sleeps for you til your son goes if you don't actually sleep during this time!

I am glad you got the time off work, but please take care of you too.

Best to you all, alice!

Awwww Alice, i just read your post and i am not ashamed to say I am typing this whilst having a cry for you.

People say you grow with you children this is what makes it easier when they leave home. Both the parent and the child have grown more independant. Bollocks to that I don't think it makes it any easier.


It sounds like you have done a fabulous job raising your son and hes grown into a well balanced happy adult. Not an easy thing to do in todays society.


So from one mum to another

I will be thinking of you on Tuesday.

Now I must go get tissues.

Sorry I missed this alice but you know my best wishes are with you and your eldest as he embarks on his lifes journey. Hope you got some sleep and I wish you and the family all the best and whatever protection the powers that be can give to your son.

Send me a message if you need to, you know I am there.

I'm thinking of you today Alice.

Chin up, old girl.

Thanks again
I've had to take an extra day off work. I'm a bit of a blubbering wreck. I'll have to go in tomorrow and then I'll be able to start the new 'normality' without him.
I can't believe how much of a hole it's left.
He was allowed to ring last night for 2 minutes to tell me he arrived safely etc. He said he doesn't know when he'll be allowed to talk again but it probably won't be for quite some time.
He'd had three hours sleep the night before, because a few people came around for final goodbyes and he didn't want to end the night early. These were really really close friends and he wanted to spend time with them. But then we had to get up at 3:30am to get into the city on time for all the last signing etc. While he was busy with that, his brothers and I wandered around the nearby city marketplace (Queen Vic Markets for anyone who knows Melbourne) and pretended we cared about any of it. Most of it wasn't even open yet, but it was somewhere to be for the couple of hours we had to wait.
And then we got to watch a 15 minute enlistment ceremony, then last goodbyes before he left. It could be months before I even get to see him, when he hets his first weekend pass. And I don't know when I'll get to speak to him, but they'll only be short calls like the one last night.
He looked so handsome and so good in his suit (they needed smart business wear to leave in, and will get their Army gear when they arrive). he looked so tall and so grown up and so confident - and he was still comfoting me, right up to the last as he got on the bus. I'm so very proud of him.
I don't want to think about how hard the first couple of months are going to be for him. I know that he'll think it'll be worth it, because this is what he wants to do. And I know he'll be so suited to the Army.
I know I'll get used to it, but I just feel so really ripped apart. I knew it would be hard, but it's so much harder. I'm just in tears most of the time. I know it'll just take another day or so and I'll be right - and I really am happy for him. I've just lost my 'rock' and I need a little bit of time to rebalance.

you raised him right alice and that's all us parents can hope for. I know it's hard and you will find the little reminders as you move through the days ahead. Just keep your head up and think about what fine young man he has become.

I know I kid about getting my two out of the house, it would be a shocker if they left.

I'm here if you need me.

Yup, remember: he's not calling only because he's not allowed to ...yet.

The service will allow incoming mail, even if he's too busy to write back, and LOTS of postal love is always appreciated.

Trust me

The service will allow incoming mail, even if he's too busy to write back, and LOTS of postal love is always appreciated.

Thank you for that most excellent advice.

I don't know how different America and Australia are in terms of contact. We were told that any parcels etc sent to him would be opened in front of him, or his unit, or his commanding officer, or some such. He's not allowed to be sent food, magazines, and a whole list of other stuff.
But of course just a letter to him should be acceptable.
I'll keep it 'light', knowing it'll be publicly opened. The last thing I want to do is accidentally embarrass him!!

Much appreciated