Help wanted.....Fortune Cookie Fortunes.

[SisterMaryFellatio]

Ladies and Gents, I feel in the short time I have been posting on this board that you seem to be a well read,witty, funny and above average intelligence bunch. That you may just be the kinda people I need......

Original Fortune Cookie fortunes...I am not after the old chinese proverb say crap......Rude, funny witisms is what i am after.


I leave this in your very capable hands!

[The Hen]

THAT WASN’T CHICKEN.



Suppose you can get what you want?



If you’re happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, eat a fortune cookie.

[Crackpot]

Ladies and Gents, I feel in the short time I have been posting on this board that you seem to be a well read,witty, funny and above average intelligence bunch.

We've got you snowed!

[SisterMaryFellatio]

lol.....You have to admit you are quite convincing!


Now post a fortune cookie fortune!

[Gob]

"Never invite a Welshman to your wedding!"

[The Hen]

"He mightn't be pleased to see you. That could actually be a gun."

[Sue U]

"You can find love anywhere, but money is hard to come by."

I have a fortune-cookie fortune taped to my monitor screen: "Strike iron while hot." Now, I'm not much of a philosopher, but as a personal injury lawyer I can see some problems with that right there.

[tyro]

QUICK! Have your stomach pumped!



First, be advised that rat is a delicacy in China



Manifestations be on you when morning explodes



The crouching tiger leaves a surprise



Melamine! It’s what’s for supper.



And from the dusty hills of yesteryear:
Help! I’m being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory.

[The Hen]

I always loved that last one.

[loCAtek]

Tip your waiter!

[Gob]

Whip your waiter.

Have you seen the movie "Alien"? Guess what comes next.

Message from the emo cookie maker; death is a blessing.

Jesus loves you; everyone else thinks you're a cunt.

One of these cookies may contain a finger tip. Phone Hen on....

[Rick]

Jerry Garcia
One of the Grateful Dead

If it hurts when you do that
Stop

Be alert
We need more lerts

Mmmmm
Nomomeow

There is no math in arithmetic

Your lucky numbers are
Ooops you're not lucky

[loCAtek]

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

[Big RR]

Cat, the other white meat.

[@meric@nwom@n]

Stolen from Pearls before Swine:

"Humility is what one aspires to when he has failed at everything else"