Plan B Forum

My youngest son has gone overseas to do volunteer work. He'll be staying in remote areas in a local community, so was travelling light. Despite my begging, he didn't take his mobile phone. He said it would be just one more thing that he would have to worry about, and where he was going there was little or no electricity to charge things. So he would have to wait until he went on the regular day trip into the larger town once a week, and try to find somewhere to charge it, and it would be a hassle. I begged him, just for my reassurance, But he assured me that he would borrow phones etc if he needed to.
He also promised that he would contact me when he got there. I asked him to call me from the airport as soon as he arrived, but he said if he didn't have the chance to call then, he absolutely promised he would find a phone and call me the next day. He flew out yesterday morning, to go interstate and catch the connecting flight to his overseas destination. There were flight changes and delays happening all over the place and he ended up leaving here a lot later than originally planned. he rang from the interstate airport when he got there, to say that the overseas flight had been delayed yet again, and he wouldn't get in to the overseas airport until quite late at night. He said it would probably be too late to try to find a phone, but he promised he would call, no matter how late, if he could find one. And he absolutely, promised, promised, that he would at the very latest ring me the next day,
Which was today
It's after 10pm and he hasn't called yet.
The time zone where he is isn't too different from our time zone, so I don't have to try to calculate what time it might be where he is - it's late evening there if it's late evening here.
I tried ringing the accommodation where he was going to stay last night, and their phone just rings out every time.
I'm sure he's okay. I'm sure there's just some problem with him trying to get a phone to ring me.
But I just want him to call and tell me he's okay.
He's 18 and never been overseas before - neither have I, or his brothers.
So I have no experience to go on, no point of reference, and no way to contact him.
I don't want to over panic, because he's a sensible and independent young man. I don't think I need to do anything drastic like call the embassy or anything - I know, realistically, that it's probably just some technical hitch and nothing that he'd be too worried about. And I'm sure he'll call when he can, 'cos he promised he would.
I just want him to call me.

I'm not really after anything here. I just needed to share that with someone because I'm trying to stay busy and calm.
I'm just starting to be a bit of a blubby wreck.
I thought if I wrote it down then I would be able to reassure myself a bit that i'm just an overworrying mum.
I don't know how I'll concentrate at work tomorrow.

for you, alice!

Where's he gone, if it's not too much to share? I envy him the adventure! Has he gone to work with an established NGO or somesuch? What kind of work will he be doing?

I am sure he'll call you ASAP. He is probably just stuck between phone opportunities, is all.

I hope he can reach you soon, and if not go for a nice walk; come back and have a nice cuppa.
Since you and your family have not traveled much, learning the cultures and ways of other countries can be quite daunting.

For example:
Finding telephone service can be very difficult in many parts of the world; and once you've found it; you can be stumped as to how you're going to pay for it.
He may just be having trouble finding an operator who speaks English?
If he's going to a part of the world that doesn't even have regular electricity, getting a call out, may be the least of his problems ...oops, I mean that to be a positive thing.
Very likely, since his flight was delayed, his party was waiting for him and immediately whisked him safely away to his final destination, before he could even think about trying to find a phone.

I'm sure this will be a great adventure for you both to share, in the near future.
Take care.

Try and put your concerns behind you Alice.

Getting access to telephony systems overseas is fraught with difficulties. I know that contacting you will be foremost in his mind. However circumstances may prevent this for a few days until he gets the lie of the land and finds a phone system he can use.

Thank you for your kind words. he was, as you all reassured me, just having telephony issues. And the reason even the accommodation couldn't be reached was because a storm had knocked out their communication lines, just at the very worst time for my stress levels!!
I try not to over worry, normally, but I just needed confirmation that he was okay. After today he's going to be pretty much uncontactable - he will be staying in a community that doesn't have regular electricity etc (as loCAtek said), and will go into the town just one day a week. On that day he'll send quick emails from an internet cafe, so we'll have a chance to hear what an awesome time he's having. In an emergency I could contact the organisation and get a message across to him, but only in an emergency. So I just wanted to hear from him before he 'disappeared' for the week. I'm not stressed about not hearing from him from now on, because I expected that. It was just the first part - just getting myself used to the fact that he''s overseas etc.
If he doesn't email once a week I'll probably get a bit twitchy again though!!

He's not so much daunted by learning the new cultures etc, loCAtek - It's the opposite in fact. He's very excited and eager about it. After he comes back from this trip he wants to save up again and go on other trips to other places, and he wants to continue his volunteer projects. He's very keenly interested in wildlife and conservation (in fact, that's the sort of thing he'll be doing at university), and in travel and interacting with native people and native cultures. Hes not 'touristy' at all. He's more sort of Bear Grylls?Steve Irwin/Jeff Corwin/type (they're some of his heroes!). So for him this is just the first of many, many trips and adventures.

He's been saving for ages and was originally looking at going to Kenya to study the lions. He would have been gone for months and would most definitely have been uncontactable for the most part. It was for my sake that he changed his first choice and went somewhere 'safer' and 'shorter' for his first big trip I do very much appreciate that he cares and respects me enough to do that, and it gives me a chance to get used to the idea that he will be doing this sort of thing regularly. He will eventually be going to places like Kenya, and Madagascar, and Costa Rica, and Mexico, and all the other conservation volunteer project places in places that will probably scare me at times.

It's not a Government organisation, bigskygal, but it is a well respected, recognised volunteer group : This is their website - http://www.gvi.co.uk/
Of course, he arranged and went through the Australian office, but the projects are worldwide and can be arranged from anywhere. Their main offices are in the Uk, and their website gives a pretty thorough description of the types of projects they do.
It's not just for young people - anyone can do it. Even I could!! (Although I'd have to be a bit sensible in my choices, taking into account my age and general unfitness). It's just a matter of saving up the money, and being dedicated or brave enough to do it! It' initially seems a little bit expensive because you cover your own airfares and then the costs that they quote are costs toward your food and board, and administration costs and offices in the cities/places where their projects are, and co-ordinators etc. For me it's a reassurance that if there's any political upheaval, natural disaster or other emergency, they get straight in and try to get their volunteers out. At this stage, until he's a 'seasoned traveller', I'm happy to have that reassurance for now. I'll have plenty of years in the future of him trekking about in politically uncertain places without that added 'security'.

On this and other trips through this organisation he'll generally be participating in animal research, and also while living in the community will help with things like building projects, teaching English etc.

He's as keen on marine conservation as he is on land conservation, and later this year he also intends to get his scuba diving certificate so he can cause me even more stress. I have a phobia about being in water I can't see clearly in - like oceans etc, and he is intending to do ocean dives in shark ridden waters, and maybe even deliberately be in the same place as them. He'll cause me a lot of grey hairs I think!!

He has been/and this year will again become a member of the local volunteer fire fighting group (CFA). He was a junior member for a while, but will rejoin as an adult.

I'm so very proud of him (well, of all my sons, actually).

Thank you again - I am quite worn out now (not much sleep last night, work today until late - got home about 9pm - , and it's now 1.30am), so please forgive any typos and any disjointedness in my writings.

Glad to hear all is well, alice. You have some amazing kids. They'll be all right, no matter where they go.

Do your son a favor and give it a rest. Having put up with 35 years of a neurotic mother-in-law who had to be satisfied that we were safe no matter where we were around the world (and I mean that literally) or what we were doing, I can tell you that you might be placing a very bothersome burden on him with your demands to be kept abreast.

He'll be fine. Give it a rest. He will get back to you when he can.

My Dave, just over flowing with the milk of human kindness this morning, aren't we?

This is not the case of a woman nagging her married daughter and ungrateful son-in-law to call her every 15 minutes on their trip to Poughkeepsie...

This is the case of a mother who's 18 year old son is on his first trip abroad, and he's gone to spend time in a Third World country....

Is she maybe being a little overly concerned? Sure; but cut her a little slack....

Excelent news Alice. I am glad he will be able to send you a weekly email.

Dave, you deserved your mother-in-law. It has made my day that you shared that.

Excellent news all round I think.

I have no issue with Alice being concerned. I am a parent as well, and fretted while my son was mucking about in England and Thailand, not to mention bicycling across the U.S., and doing research (for a magazine article) overnight in a New York subway station.

My point is, sometimes you have to restrain yourself because in addition to what the son is dealing with overseas, he now also has to worry about his mother getting apoplexy as well.

Be mindful of what you are doing with your "concern."

And sometimes Dave you just don't have a clue and keeping schtum would be your best bet.

Lord Jim wrote:My Dave, just over flowing with the milk of human kindness this morning, aren't we?

This is not the case of a woman nagging her married daughter and ungrateful son-in-law to call her every 15 minutes on their trip to Poughkeepsie...

This is the case of a mother who's 18 year old son is on his first trip abroad, and he's gone to spend time in a Third World country....

Is she maybe being a little overly concerned? Sure; but cut her a little slack....

Thank you – that pretty well sums it up

I’m not usually a ‘neurotic’ mum and I don’t tend to have ‘apoplexies’. My kids are all very independent and I’ve always encouraged them to enjoy life and to really experience life. That’s why my youngest son is off overseas, and that’s why he’ll be going more trips, and scuba diving and doing all sorts of adventurous and interesting things – in his leisure time and in his future career, if all goes well. And that’s why my oldest is in the Army and will be going overseas with the Army – and when he has time off will be trekking around places like Europe et cetera. And the only reason my middle one isn’t doing such exciting things right at the moment is because he’s been ill and it’s somewhat curtailed his activities for a while. He’s not bedridden or anything drastic, and will gradually get better, but at the moment he doesn’t have quite the health and stamina to follow the career he wanted - the police force. He’ll have to take a slightly different path for a few years now because of it, but he still has that idea on hold for the future. They’re not the occupations and dreams of young adults who have been stifled and mollycoddled by their mother!

I appreciate what you’re saying dgs49, because I probably do come across a bit like that when I write down my worries (I think was sounding similarly pathetic when my oldest was leaving for the Army), but my kids know me, and care enough to patronise my little bit of ‘over concern’ when needed, because I’m only like that in little doses here and there! My youngest is uncontactable now and I’m not the least bit fussed about it, and won’t be for the rest of his trip. I just needed that one tiny, tiny bit of reassurance at the beginning, just so I could relax for the rest of the time he’s away. I know that, for the most part, ‘no news is good news', and I am quite busy enough in my own life so I don’t normally sit and fret. And to be honest, if my sons were in any way ‘worried about their mother getting apoplexy’ they wouldn’t do things like scuba diving!!

My boys have various battle scars – including my middle son, because this illness is only a recent thing – from various sporting/active life injuries and interesting adventures. And I’m sure they’ll get many more as they get on with their lives. And it is on my encouragement that they all have future plans to live in interesting and different places that aren’t in any way related to where their mother would be living. I do worry heaps about them, but I also let them go.
So y’know ... cut me some slack


Thanks, everyone, for letting me air my little bit of ... mumminess ... and for being supportive.


And you’re right, Sue U – I do have amazing kids!! (just the teeniest bit proud of them )

Good to hear


...by 'daunting', I didn't mean insurmountable, just challenging and intriguing; and definitely exciting.

Back in the day, before the WOT- War on Terror, I was an intrepid sailor, who took every tour, and embarked on every adventure ...with in reason, of course.
Also, of course, I loved writing/calling home about it, and half the journey was trying to find working communications. Internet was right out, and cell phones were still those cigar boxed sized, battery hogs that you only saw on TV's 'Dynasty' [Die-nasty].

Back then a 'phone card' overseas, was a paper square, you'd paid twenty dollars+ for, that fed the pay phone for five-ten minutes, before it started beeping at you to feed it more ducats. More!
I wonder if they still use short wave radio, in the fleet? That was a way for the average enlisted, to send a weekly sentence, shorter than a text message, back home.

Cherish every call, and be thankful for every message- it's a lot work to get those out to you.

I salute you for raising you kids to try challenging things, and to have a sense of being part of an overall community.

One danger of seeming overly-concerned (and at seems you haven't crossed that threshhold) is that they will start keeping things from you.

They keep life interesting, don't they?

dgs49 wrote:I salute you for raising you kids to try challenging things, and to have a sense of being part of an overall community.

One danger of seeming overly-concerned (and at seems you haven't crossed that threshhold) is that they will start keeping things from you.

They keep life interesting, don't they?

Apologies - I've only just seen this.

Thank you for the salute - I appreciate where you were coming from, and I'm so very, very proud of the way my kids are turning into good, strong and independent young men.

I was a single mum for quite a bit of their early upbringing, and then made a disastrous life choice and for another largish chunk of their upbringing we were worse off until I was a single mum again - so I didn't have a steadying influence around to help set my fears aside. And I was a worrier when it came to them - they were everything to me. And because of that I fought very hard against myself to make sure I didn't over coddle them or wrap them in cotton wool - I sometimes came across quite casual on the outside when on the inside I was a wobbly mess!!

So I am so pleased that they're all intent on really experiencing life, and that they're doing really interesting things and not overly caught up in my worries and phobias. I could quite easily have been that neurotic mother you spoke of and I've really made a conscious effort not to come across that way because I don't want to put my sons under that sort of burden as they move into their own adult years. It's been hard, but I feel the proof of how much I've been able to stifle my mollycoddling urges and really 'let go' is in their life occupation choices. They know I'll always worry, but they know I'll 100% support them and will never stifle what they want to achieve.

So i do really and honestly appreciate where you came from in your comments

(added to say ... and the sense of community, of helping others, of empathising with people and looking for practical ways to help, of considering environment and caring for animals, and considering the future in current actions - I've tried to put all of that sortof thinking into them since as far back as I can remember, and I am so proud that they have maintained that attitude)

.. and they do keep life interesting