Plan B Forum

I attended a marvelous wedding over the weekend, probably one of the best I’ve ever gone to from the standpoint of venue, food, entertainment, favors, etc.

Having been to more than a hundred weddings in my adult life, I always look for the little (or big) things that make each wedding different from all the others. I know that each bride has a couple different things in mind that will make her wedding oh-so-special to her. Usually they are bad ideas, but they still end up in the final event. It is her day, after all. This wedding had an (inappropriately) overwhelming Italian flavor to it, with Italian music, Italian speeches, and a bit of truly ethnic Italian food and home-made wine served, in addition to the normal menu. The vast majority of the guests were NOT Italian, didn’t speak or understand Italian, and were not particularly misty-eyed at the recorded Italian ballads being played by the DJ. (BTW, both the bride and groom were born in the U.S., and had no interest in the Italian language or their Italian heritage until they went away to college).

One problem that many brides seem to have is picking a Maid of Honor. The wedding on Saturday had two of them, which of course required two "Best Men." Related to the difficulty of picking ONE Maid of Honor is the difficulty (apparently) of picking a few (and that means A FEW!) bridesmaids. Some don’t seem to want to hurt the feelings of any number of “best” friends, so the bridal party ends up looking like a flowery herd.

And I have to say I’m not entirely “cool” with the newly-adopted custom of having TWO marriage toasts, one by the Best Man and one by the Maid of Honor. The wedding Saturday had FOUR (count ‘em) marriage toasts. It was excruciating.

And parenthetically, a proper marriage toast is as follows: Congratulate and thank the parents of the bride and groom, mention how BEAUTIFUL the Bride is, tell a BRIEF anecdote about the groom that illustrates how totally smitten he is with his bride, then wish the two of them many happy years together and lots of healthy, happy kids. Then shut up and sit down. Nobody cares about your frat-house (or sorority house) antics or what you did in grade school. Talk about that stuff at the bachelor(ette) party, not at the wedding when 400 people are standing uncomfortably holding small glasses of warm champagne.

Brides should keep in mind the body size and shape of the FATTEST bridesmaid when choosing bridesmaid’s gowns. If one or more of the bridesmaids look like Moby Dick, the whole wedding party looks bad. This particular wedding party on Saturday looked lovely, especially the bride. One of them appeared to be about 8 months pregnant, and the gown allowed for it.

Proper wedding entertainment is that which gets the greatest number of guests on the dance floor for the greatest amount of time. In most of the weddings I go to, most of the guests are over 40 years old and enjoy dancing, but we ain’t into HipHop or garage bands. A taste of ethnic music is fine – a polka, Irish jig, or a tarantella – but keep it limited. Dance music from the 60’s and 70’s usually works best. Don’t turn your nose up at the Macarena, the Village People, or the Electric Slide; people have fun dancing to them.

Don’t keep people waiting; stick to the schedule. If you are going to do a bridal dance, toss the garter and bouquet, and cut the ceremonial piece of wedding cake, then do them relatively early in the evening, The gray-hairs want to see that stuff and many of them want to go home at a “reasonable” time. It’s rude to wait until 10 o’clock or later to do this stuff.

Brides should try to visit EVERY guest table in the joint, if only for a few minutes. If it cuts into your “fun time,” deal with it.

Don’t throw up on your guests or otherwise embarrass yourself. People will remember for a looooooooong time.

What if 2 queers want to tie the knot?

Here's my thought on wedding extravaganzas:

Husbands and wives get paid $20/hr. (together) for the hard work of actually working on issues in the marriage. They don't get to divorce until they've spent as much on that process as they did on the party. $10k wedding? 500 hours of serious work on the marriage before chucking in the towel. Have kids? You have to work twice as hard.

So tired of all the big wedding productions that exhibit all the thought that went into the coupling. I swear some girls just do it for the party, dress & ring.

Wedding rigamorole always leaves me cold.

Have a day you both enjoy and if you are lucky your guests will enjoy it too.

I really like weddings. Mostly, they are a positive thing. Tres fun. An opportunity to wish for the best and even kick the ball down that way a little. Anyone willing to get up in front of 'god and everyone" and say they love someone is alright with me and I'll bend a glass with them.

yrs,
rubato

We are having a unique (so far) wedding in the family TOMORROW (Independence Day - how's that for irony?). The husband-to-be is my wife's nephew who, a mere five (5) years ago, was one of the principals in a Big Church Wedding that set his parents back several tens of thousands of dollars.

His wife got tired of him after three years and two kids, and left him for another. A fairly civil but tense divorce. Now he is marrying - at a 4th of July picnic - W2, who is also divorced after a very brief marriage with one child. Can't get married again in The Church, you know, so I'm not sure whether this ceremony will be officiated by a minister, a JP, or Reverend Jim.

Also ironically, W2 could pass for W1's twin sister. I've mentioned this a couple times and been told to "Shut UP!"

All are encouraged to wear patriotic duds, tomorrow, in honor of the dual occasion. I think I'll wear my jungle fatigues.

My aunt and uncle were married on July 4, 1975 -- we all wore red white and blue, and the bouquets were in the same colors. It was a second marriage for both, small and homey, but the synagague and the rabbi had no problems officiating and we had no problems celebrating!

All are encouraged to wear patriotic duds, tomorrow, in honor of the dual occasion. I think I'll wear my jungle fatigues.

Oh come on Dave, I'll bet you'd look a treat in a powdered wig, knee britches, silk stockings and buckle shoes.....

dgs49 wrote:
Also ironically, W2 could pass for W1's twin sister. I've mentioned this a couple times and been told to "Shut UP!"

You left out "the" and "f***".

It’s rude to wait until 10 o’clock or later to do this stuff.

I attended one of those fabulously lavious weddings a few years ago at St. Mary's. While being thoroughly enjoyable, and getting stuffed to the gills with delicious free food ...the bride and groom insisted on no less than TEN outfit changes, while accompanying a slideshow of the entirety of thier courtship together, up to their marriage. The fashion show of traditional native costumes, of both of thier heritages ( she was Chinese and he Philipino); including hula girls, [not kidding] cat walks, and dodging the food carts; lasted for hours, right up until the 10 o’clock mark, when my date and I had to leave.

...I think we missed out on cake, and being able to dance ourselves. It was fun ...rigid, but fun.
I do wish we would have been allowed some spontaneous partying, though.

Out of a couple hundred guests yesterday there were only a couple of us who took the Red-White-Blue thing seriously. My shirt featured a large stylized American flag with the Declaration printed behind it, in parchment.

It was an outdoor wedding at 95 degrees and about 90% humidity. It was scheduled to last until 11pm but by 8 everyone was gone or leaving (including me).

Several close family members had been against this wedding for a number of reasons (but didn't make an issue of it). Turns out W2 was the first woman he dated after W1 left him. She proposed to him (which she announced on Facebook) and he, lacking a witty response and having nothing better to do, accepted.

At least she comes from a rich family.

Is it time to change the traditional wedding vows? I was freaked out by these promises of "until death do us part," knowing that both of them made the exact same promises a few short years ago, and nobody in the audience gives this much chance of lasting more than a few years.

"I promise to at least act like I love you until one of us dies or I get a better offer, whichever comes first."

dgs49 wrote:Out of a couple hundred guests yesterday there were only a couple of us who took the Red-White-Blue thing seriously. My shirt featured a large stylized American flag with the Declaration printed behind it, in parchment.

And the hysterical irony of that statement escapes you?

I'm afraid it does.

Would you care to enlighten me?

It was scheduled to last until 11pm but by 8 everyone was gone or leaving (including me).

They must have closed the bar....

Nah. The bar issue was that they wouldn't serve alcohol until after the (religious) wedding ceremony. That pissed a few people off.

As far as I recall, the bartenders were ready and waiting as the last of the guests were heading off.

Dave if to you taking; "the Red-White-Blue thing seriously" just means wearing a shirt with an apt logo on it, then it just goes to show the superficiality of your interest in July the fourth.

Though if your intent was to say something other than this, then accept my apologies in advance.