The Naked Ape Revisited (Female version)
Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 3:06 pm
I was at a social gathering the other day and idly looking at the shoes of a group of well-dressed young women near my table. Aside from them looking (a) stylish, and (b) excruciatingly uncomfortable, I noticed that almost all of them were wearing soles and heels that made them appear to be quite a bit taller than they actually were. In some cases, it might have even been 6”.
It occurred to me that six inches is quite a bit of height. It could actually be the difference between a woman being perceived as tall (let’s say 5’8”) versus short (5’2”).
If a 5’10” man put on a pair of shoes that made him appear to be 6’4” he would be positively ridiculed for pretending to be something that he was not (i.e., tall). But for a woman…
It occurred to me (not an original thought, to be sure) that the extent of the female deception doesn’t end with their height. They artificially color and shape their hair, then plaster it in place with chemicals. They coat their facial skin beneath layers of powder intended to conceal any flaws and make the color look healthy and “natural.” The lips are colored to look fuller and brighter, the area around the eyes is painted with all manner of camouflage and the eyebrows and eyelashes are plucked and extended with who-knows-what sort of unnatural substances. And removing all of this material is almost as tedious as putting it on, which takes, figuratively speaking, eons.
Fingernails and toenails are painted in colors to match clothing. The neck, wrist, and fingers (and sometimes toes) are adorned with bright metallic and colored-mineral baubles.
The natural shape of a woman’s body is variously concealed and enhanced to try to make them all look like teenagers, particularly the breasts which, if not surgically modified, are trussed up with preposterous harnesses to hold them in the shape that they once had – if they were lucky – for about fifteen minutes when they were teenagers. The legs are covered with mesh fabric that again seeks to simulate the color that perfectly healthy legs would have, if periodically subjected to harmful ultraviolet radiation.
All hair below the neck has been removed, as though we were now members of a new, semi-hairless species of human.
The shoes, in addition to adding height, are designed to mold and hold the calf muscles into the shape they would have if the leg-owner were in athletically fit condition. It is truly surprising how many fat women can have great looking calves because of the effects of high-heeled shoes.
The clothing, if well chosen, conceals any unsightly fat deposits (to the extent that is possible), and reveals only those spots that hint that the overall shape is healthy and nubile - which it generally is not.
The edges of their clothing revealed tattoos of all shapes and sizes, some being pictures, some geometric designs, and some seem to be written or printed slogans of one kind or another, not always in English. For better or worse, it appears that most of the tattoos would only be seen in full by their intimate companions.
I’m not sure that it is a credit to our society when females feel compelled to modify, cover, color, and enhance their physical appearance to this extent before going to a fairly routine social function. A creative economist could generate a distressingly huge number if s/he were to calculate the cost, in money and time spent, of all the females in this country primping and adorning themselves in preparation for going out to work, play, or whatever.
And while I appreciate the beauty of a well-turned out woman – indeed it is possible for a woman whom nature has made quite plain to look fabulous - I am compelled to ask whether it is worth all the time, expense, discomfort, and bother.
It occurred to me that six inches is quite a bit of height. It could actually be the difference between a woman being perceived as tall (let’s say 5’8”) versus short (5’2”).
If a 5’10” man put on a pair of shoes that made him appear to be 6’4” he would be positively ridiculed for pretending to be something that he was not (i.e., tall). But for a woman…
It occurred to me (not an original thought, to be sure) that the extent of the female deception doesn’t end with their height. They artificially color and shape their hair, then plaster it in place with chemicals. They coat their facial skin beneath layers of powder intended to conceal any flaws and make the color look healthy and “natural.” The lips are colored to look fuller and brighter, the area around the eyes is painted with all manner of camouflage and the eyebrows and eyelashes are plucked and extended with who-knows-what sort of unnatural substances. And removing all of this material is almost as tedious as putting it on, which takes, figuratively speaking, eons.
Fingernails and toenails are painted in colors to match clothing. The neck, wrist, and fingers (and sometimes toes) are adorned with bright metallic and colored-mineral baubles.
The natural shape of a woman’s body is variously concealed and enhanced to try to make them all look like teenagers, particularly the breasts which, if not surgically modified, are trussed up with preposterous harnesses to hold them in the shape that they once had – if they were lucky – for about fifteen minutes when they were teenagers. The legs are covered with mesh fabric that again seeks to simulate the color that perfectly healthy legs would have, if periodically subjected to harmful ultraviolet radiation.
All hair below the neck has been removed, as though we were now members of a new, semi-hairless species of human.
The shoes, in addition to adding height, are designed to mold and hold the calf muscles into the shape they would have if the leg-owner were in athletically fit condition. It is truly surprising how many fat women can have great looking calves because of the effects of high-heeled shoes.
The clothing, if well chosen, conceals any unsightly fat deposits (to the extent that is possible), and reveals only those spots that hint that the overall shape is healthy and nubile - which it generally is not.
The edges of their clothing revealed tattoos of all shapes and sizes, some being pictures, some geometric designs, and some seem to be written or printed slogans of one kind or another, not always in English. For better or worse, it appears that most of the tattoos would only be seen in full by their intimate companions.
I’m not sure that it is a credit to our society when females feel compelled to modify, cover, color, and enhance their physical appearance to this extent before going to a fairly routine social function. A creative economist could generate a distressingly huge number if s/he were to calculate the cost, in money and time spent, of all the females in this country primping and adorning themselves in preparation for going out to work, play, or whatever.
And while I appreciate the beauty of a well-turned out woman – indeed it is possible for a woman whom nature has made quite plain to look fabulous - I am compelled to ask whether it is worth all the time, expense, discomfort, and bother.
Here, endith the rant.