Plan B Forum

Is this a Western Pennsylvania phenomenon?

We all know the tradition that the Best Man toasts the bride & groom at the wedding reception. Usually, the Best Man is a terrible public speaker and either can't shut up or just generally makes a fool of himself, but, hey, it's just a minute, so what the hell.

But them someone decided that it wasn't "fair" for the guy to talk but not any woman, So we saw the Maid of Honor doing her thing, as well. It was just as bad, but in a different way. The Maid of honor was usually a Sorority Sister of the bride and they want to relive every time they saw the couple together, AS WELL AS every embarrasing thing that ever happened in the Sorority house.

But it gets worse.

I went to a fine, first-class, expensive as hell reception on Saturday where we heard from - no exaggeration - the Best Man, the Maid of Honor, the "Second Best Man," the Matron of Honor, the father of the bride, the father of the groom, and some babe whose role was never clearly defined. It took a good 20 minutes. And it seemed like none of them had actually prepared any remarks, but relied on their innate public speaking skills. Which were not in evidence.

How can people be so tone deaf? Do they not observe at other weddings how people's eyes roll when these various attention-seekers get up and do whatever they think they are doing?

The waiters at this wedding had carefully poured an ounce or so of champagne in everyone's glass in anticipation of the "toast." By the end, we were toasting with the water that was in the flower vases on the tables.

BTW, this happy couple had been married a year ago by a justice of the peace, at which point they started living together. Saturday morning they were married in the husband's temple, with full regalia (he is Indian/Hindu), and there was a Catholic Mass at 3pm.

Brave new world.

You're getting a free meal stop bitching

Free? How about a couple hundred bucks, plus gas and parking, plus a shower gift.

Do you get invited to many weddings?

here I was operating under the delusion that you cared for the people gatting married and would have sent the gift regardless.

It took a good 20 minutes.

I was at a good friends wedding (2nd time around for him, her first) a year ago last November where the best man took that long (yes he was very drunk as was the groom). A couple of us had to go "shut him up".

But no, I've never been to wedding where there was a "line up" of speakers. Usually just the best man and sometimes the matron of honor too.

Hmmm. If I were invited to the wedding but declined to go...I suppose I would send the same gift anyway.

There are many weddings in my wife's family where peripheral relatives are notified but not invited. In those cases I reduce the gift by about half.

Is it a "free" meal? I'm leaning toward, no.

I have occasionally endured long toasts (10 minutes) that were entertaining enough, although in most cases everyone is standing, so it is a bit uncomfortable.

My personal formula is: Thank and congratulate the parents who paid for the party and invited everyone, tell a BRIEF story about the groom or the wedding couple (illustrating something unique or touching about their relationship), and wish them a long, prosperous, and healthy life together with some appropriate number of offspring. Then shut up. 5 minutes MAX.

My younger daughter just announce her wedding plans to me a few days ago.

A cheap wedding at a local state park.

There were two toasts at my reception...one by the best man, who I recall said, "They're the only two crazy enough to marry each other!" (Gee, thanks. I think.) The other was by the maid of honor...longer, but went over well.

Because of my tendency to speak a lot (too much), and my past successes at it, I am often called upon to give toasts (and eulogies for that matter), often without much advance warning. I agree with Dave, 5 minutes is more than enough for a toast (and even most eulogies); but toasts are like karaoke--most people think they can get up there and do a good job, and most of them are wrong. Then again, some of the most entertaining toasts (and karaoke) come from those self-imagined experts.