Do not go gentle

[Gob]

A leading palliative care nurse with no serious health problems has ended her life at a Swiss suicide clinic because she did not want to end up as a “hobbling old lady”.



Gill Paraoh, 75, who wrote two books giving advice on how to care for the elderly, was not suffering from a terminal disease. She said she had seen enough of old age to know that she was “going over the hill” and wanted to take action to end her life while she was able to do so. Speaking before her death in Basel, the mother of two said her experience as a nurse, including working in nursing homes, had shown her that the reality of old age was “awful”.

She told The Sunday Times: “I have looked after people who are old, on and off, all my life. I have always said, ‘I am not getting old. I do not think old age is fun.’ I know that I have gone just over the hill now. It is not going to start getting better. I do not want people to remember me as a sort of old lady hobbling up the road with a trolley. “I have got so many friends with partners who, plainly, are a liability. I know you shouldn’t say that but I have this mental picture in my head of all you need to do, at my age, is break a hip and you are likely to go very much downhill from that.”

She said her partner and children had supported her wishes, though it would not have been their choice. In the interview before her death on July 21, she said her daughter, Caron, a nurse, had struggled particularly with the decision.

The pensioner is one of a growing number of Britons who are choosing an assisted death in Switzerland. Last year a study found that one in five of the 611 people who travelled to Switzerland to end their lives between 2008 and 2012 were from the UK. A spokesman for Care Not Killing, which campaigns against assisted dying, said: “This is another deeply troubling case and sends out a chilling message about how society values and looks after elderly people in the UK.”

In May a father with cancer ended his life at the Swiss clinic Dignitas against the wishes of his family, despite admitting “I know I am going too early.” Jeffrey Spector, who had a tumour on his spine but was not terminally ill, died at the Zurich hospital because he feared he would become paralysed. In a final interview given hours before he died Mr Spector, 54, admitted: “I am jumping the gun. Do not judge me."

However, Dr Michael Irwin, the co-ordinator of the Society for Old Age Rational Suicide (Soars), who helped the retired nurse with her plans to go to Switzerland, said: “Some will say that Gill was wrong to avoid the expected decrepitude of ‘old age’ but, having seen much suffering as a palliative care nurse, she took the rational decision that . . . she preferred to have a pre-emptive, doctor-assisted suicide.” The former nurse had no major health problems, and was on now medication. She said she suffered from intermittent back pain following a bout of shingles, and had tinnitus.

But she said she felt she was going downhill “in an almost imperceptible way” as she grew older. “I would rather go out when I am not quite at a peak. I have dropped off a bit but I want to be still me, recognisably me and not have people look and think, ‘Oh, are you Gill, were you Gill?” she said. “A lot of people are very good until they are 70 and then they start sloping off a bit.” She was accompanied to Lifecircle, the assisted-dying clinic in Basel, by John.

On the eve of her death, the couple wandered through the city before enjoying a meal on the banks of the Rhine. “The whole evening was very tranquil and enjoyable,” said John. “I think it is what we both wanted. Gill had been thinking about it for years and I had no intention of spoiling it by getting emotional and heavy.” The former nurse said her children and partner had struggled with her decision. “It is not his [John’s] choice at all and my kids are backing me, although it is not their choice,” she said before the journey to Switzerland. “My daughter is a nurse and she said, ‘Intellectually, I know where you are coming from but emotionally I am finding it really hard,’ and I know she is.”

Her partner called her children after the death. A humanist memorial service, arranged by Ms Pharoah, will take place later this month. Two months before her death, Gill wrote an article, entitled My Last Word, in which she set out her decision to end her life. “Day by day, I am enjoying my life. I simply do not want to follow this natural deterioration through to the last stage when I may be requiring a lot of help,” she wrote. “I have to take action early on because no one will be able to take action for me. The thought that I may need help from my children appals me. I know many old people expect, and even demand, help from their children but I think this is a most selfish and unreasonable view.”

She said her experience as a nurse had shown her the reality of elderly life. “If you work in a nursing home and you have people who are incontinent, who use bad language, who walk around the rooms and just take things, it is very difficult. It is not a job you enjoy,” she said. “I just felt it was so bleak and so sad. We all did what we could but, for many of those old people, there wasn’t a lot you could do. We do not look at the reality. Generally, it is awful.”

[rubato]

When its time for the ride to be over, step off the carousel.

For those who wish it; the last measure of autonomy.


yrs,
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[wesw]

to stick with the current board theme.....

what a stupid c***.

[TPFKA@W]

She is my hero. I understand her sentiment precisely and I have a plan in place to do the same thing when the time comes. I doubt anyone who has not walked in her shoes will ever get it.

My life, my choice.

[wesw]

no little billy, grammy wasn t sick, she just couldn t stand your snotty little face.....

[rubato]

no little billy, grammy wasn t sick, she just couldn t stand your snotty little face.....

My, you are very inventive in thinking up cruel and dishonest things to say to children.


yrs,
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[MajGenl.Meade]

The last measure of selfishness.

[rubato]

The last measure of selfishness.

Perhaps. It is a self-directed act. But it is equally probable that it is motivated by a desire not to inflict protracted and painful duties on others.


yrs,
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[Big RR]

True, but then so is eating while others starve, drinking while others go thirsty, getting medicine while others go untreated, ...

As for

you have people who are incontinent, who use bad language, who walk around the rooms and just take things, it is very difficult. It is not a job you enjoy

with his

I have a friend, 54 and in a nursing home who does all those things and more. I know the guy, and he wouldn't have wanted to end up this way; luckily his mind went (most of the time) along loss of bowel and bladder control. It's too late now, but I never would have denied him this "last measure of selfishness".

[MajGenl.Meade]

I have sympathy for those in extreme pain or terminally ill desiring to end it all. I'm not truly sure what's right and wrong in those conditions.

But this lady was young and sensing a slight loss of ability - couldn't play volleyball any more? So she just offs herself, depriving children and grandchildren of her undoubted love and abilities. Why not just do it at age 18... it's damn downhill from there anyway!

Do most aging people end up miserably useless and shitting themselves? Or do most live fully and fade away?

[Big RR]

I would think in areas with access to good medical care a good number of people end up like she describes; probably more every year. And some can remain that way for years or even decades.

I'm not certain what prompted her to act in this case as the article is short, but facing a significant likelihood of ending up that way in the near future could prompt me toward considering this act of selfishness.

[Econoline]

I can't even imagine being so vain as to want to kill myself rather than accept the slightest bit of decline from my idea of some sort of "peak". This case isn't so much "When its time for the ride to be over, step off the carousel" as it is "Jump off the carousel at full speed before it starts to slow down": the very opposite of the sentiment expressed in the Dylan Thomas poem quoted in this thread's title.

I have sympathy for those in extreme pain or terminally ill desiring to end it all. I'm not truly sure what's right and wrong in those conditions.

But this lady was young and sensing a slight loss of ability - couldn't play volleyball any more? So she just offs herself, depriving children and grandchildren of her undoubted love and abilities. Why not just do it at age 18... it's damn downhill from there anyway!

Exactly.

This woman strikes me as the sort of person who wants to buy a brand new car every three years, so that she'll never have to pay for an out-of-warranty repair.

[Big RR]

[quoteThis woman strikes me as the sort of person who wants to buy a brand new car every three years, so that she'll never have to pay for an out-of-warranty repair.][/quote]

Perhaps econoline, but if that is what makes her happy and she can afford it why is it bad? She's not hurting anyone; according to the OP those who are closest to her have come to terms with her decision (even if they disagree). Personally, what I think she feared was waiting too long and going downhill l before she could do anything about it. Remember, this is not legal in England, she has to go to Switzerland, and if she started to deteriorate she might quickly lose the capacity to travel and/or make decisions for herself. And so she chose to end her life while she still could.

It isn't the decision I think I would have made, but it was her decision and I respect her for living life on her own terms.

[rubato]

"On the eve of her death, the couple wandered through the city before enjoying a meal on the banks of the Rhine. “The whole evening was very tranquil and enjoyable,” said John. “I think it is what we both wanted. Gill had been thinking about it for years and I had no intention of spoiling it by getting emotional and heavy.”

It is possible to carry the "stiff upper lip" thing too far.


If my sweetie was going to die in the next 24 hours 'heavy and emotional' is what I'm going to be.


yrs,
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[Gob]

Should she have done it? Possibly not. Who are we to decide for her?

I don't think I would ever make that decision, but, should circumstance change, I'd like the right to.

I'd hate the idea that others would prevent me doing so, either out of fears for themselves, or for fear the words of some ancient book of fairy stories.

[Econoline]

Certainly everyone is entitled to make his or her own wrong decisions (as long as those decisions don't negatively affect others). Given this woman's attitude, she quite likely would have become the sort of bitchy, whiny old person no one likes to be around.* Maybe I'm just lucky to have known fewer of this sort and more of the opposite sort.

"Why is it bad?" "Who are we to decide for her? " Point taken. But even if I refrain from judging Ms. Paraoh, I can still judge the organization and the medical practitioner(s) who assisted in her suicide to be both bad and wrong wrong wrong...on the basis of the phrase contained in parentheses in my first sentence. She obviously possessed the knowledge, skill, and ability to commit the act on her own without involving others. If she lacked the courage to do so, perhaps she should not have done it.



* (Trying...trying...very hard...not to speculate regarding another not-yet-retired nurse whom we all know and, uh, know and...er, something...)

[Big RR]

Knowledge and skill perhaps. Means? Probably not. Sure, she might have been able to leap off a bridge or blow her head off with a shotgun, but the drugs that were most likely used to dispatch her peacefully are not available to anyone who requests them--you need a physician's prescription. Until they do become generally available, a physician will have to be involved.

[MajGenl.Meade]

You're saying she couldn't have flown to Switzerland when she was 80 or 90? Or when things went south rather than while they were still OK?

[rubato]

A stroke might remove her ability to choose, or even worse the ability to express that choice to someone else who would help her to carry it out.

And there is always the fact that she might not have made public everything about her health status.


yrs,
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[oldr_n_wsr]

Where there is a will there is a way.
I am guessing whe wanted to do it while she still had the will.
There are plenty of ways to kill ones-self without a physician, but many involve a mess and/or pain and the possibility of failure and leaving one worse off than before the attempt.

Thankfully that wasn't a result from my attempt.