Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down, placing his modified AR-15 assault rifle on a rock nearby. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.
He said:
<> Blessed are the corporations, for they shall receive corporate welfare at the expense of the taxpayers.
<> Blessed are those who are triggered over the slightest criticism of President Trump, for they shall be comforted by Fox News.
<> Blessed are the millennials, for they shall inherit our massive national debt.
<> Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for political power, for theirs is the White House.
<> Blessed are the immigrants from white countries, for they shall receive citizenship.
<> Blessed are the warmongers, for theirs is the oil and arms sales.
<> Blessed are the NRA members in good standing, for they shall spot an active shooter and take him down with their concealed Desert Eagle.
<> Blessed are those who stand for the national anthem, for the NFL’s ratings shall plummet before them.
<> Blessed are those who are persecuted by Walmart greeters saying Happy Holidays, for their boycott shall be profitable. Rejoice and be glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
The New "Beuglytudes"
The New "Beuglytudes"
“In a world whose absurdity appears to be so impenetrable, we simply must reach a greater degree of understanding among us, a greater sincerity.”