Commitment (a tangent on "Submission")

[dgs49]

While at a gathering with friends the other day, one of the mutual friends related the following summary of her daughter's social situation.

While vacationing in Scotland with friends last year she found herself at a gathering of young adults (seems like they were from their early 20's to mid-30's), including one Scot couple who had been living together for about 6 years. The daughter and the male of this couple apparently discovered a mutual attraction. Shortly thereafter, the male said to his POSSLQ, "Hey, I think I have feelings for this other woman from the States and, no hard feelings but, I think I'm gonna dump you while I explore these feelings."

And they became a couple.

The daughter thereupon applied for a 1-year Grad program in Scotland (I won't go into the specifics), after which she will continue pursuing acceptance in Medical School back in the states (the previously-unconsidered grad program will presumably make her tastier to Med Schools). The man is apparently a perennial student and they will live together while she is in school in Scotland, with the thought that if they find themselves compatible, he will return with her to the States and possibly even get a job while she goes to Med School. The "M" word did not enter into the discussion or explanation, including the mandatory Q & A period.

So we have a cogent adult, presumably intelligent enough to be a doctor one day, who decides to take a costly detour in her life (all of this Scotland thing will be financed with borrowed money) in the hope of a stable relationship with someone who so casually ended a SIX YEAR relationship to be "with" her.

And her mother (my acquaintance) is fine with all this. Seems that the young man in question is quite handsome and charming.

And to inject a "Where's Waldo?" aspect to the story, can you spot any adults in this whole scenario? I personally cannot.

In fairy tales and in contemporary fiction, when you meet your "soul mate," you will enter into a foggy but wonderful relationship in which your intense feelings of love and passion are perpetually aflame. If the flames abate, then obviously that wasn't your true SoulMate, and you have to keep looking until you find him or her.

In real life, however, you are supposed to find someone with whom you are compatible and to whom you are attracted, then make a commitment to that person - and to the relationship itself - with the understanding that the flames of passion will NOT always be burning. Occasionally the fires will have to be banked or rekindled, but you do that because you have made a COMMITMENT to the other person and to the relationship. And you DON'T abandon the relationship just because you have a "hard on" for someone else. Or because the other person gets fat or old or sick.

Jesus.

I pity the coming generations for the world into which they are being born.

[rubato]

Why is this important to you?

I don't see anything which effects you?

Pure gas. You have never been in a position to go to medical school. So why do I give a shit?


yrs,
rubato

[Lord Jim]

[loCAtek]

This gathering was last year? Has she left for Scotland yet, or is there still time to securely duct-tape the daughter to a heavy piece of furniture?

Academic Intelligence (IQ) doesn't always equal Emotional Intelligence (EQ) AKA maturity.
Maybe that family got its ideas of 'Romance' from the Twilight series?

[Guinevere]

If Ive learned anything in my several decades on this earth, it is to not judge anyone else's relationship. They are rarely what they appear and no one but the two involved in the relationship can have a real clue what's going on.

[The Hen]

I am with Guin 100%.

Commitment comes in different forms for different people.

Marriage may not suit some people and therefore not be considered.

[oldr_n_wsr]

What Guin said.
While I wouldn't approve if it were my daughter (or son) in dsg49's scenario, I am not the moral police to try and stop it from happening. The best I could do is calmly discuss the situation, give my opinion and hope.

[dgs49]

This is my "mistake"...if it is a mistake:

I assume that all of us must ultimately "grow up." Growing up involves, for most humans, (1) entering into a committed monogamous relationship (even if it is not entirely or perpetually successful), (2) embarking on a "career" or starting a business, (3) having and/or rearing children, (4) beginning to accumulate an estate, consisting of an owned home, savings, investments, and at least some number of valuable personal possessions. Responsible adults should be getting their figurative ass in gear by the age of 25. In previous generations it was more like 21.

And this does not include what to many is the most important task of life: (5) "making a difference," which is to say, doing SOMETHING (outside one's profession) to make this world a better place.

One often hears the expression, "carbon footprint," but the foregoing activities and tasks constitute a much more important "human footprint," without which...what is the point of existing? Self-gratification?

The flighty young woman and man described in the posting above have done none of (1) though (4), and whether either of them will ever take a stab at (5) is a dubious proposition indeed. Just because you are a "doctor" doesn't make you an altruist. And by the time they get done fucking around with school and whatnot, they will be, on average, approaching 40 years old. With a Mt. Everest of debt.

The morality of it (or more aptly, the amorality of it) is irrelevant. These are two people in full adult age who are acting like totally self-absorbed children.

Unlike most American Libs, I do not think it is a "sin" to be judgmental.

[Big RR]

Are you honestly saying one cannot "make a difference" (number 5) without achieving financial success (2 and 4) and being in a monogamous relationship/having children. Any have made significant differences without doing any of that (jesus christ (I'll defer on the realtionship with mary magdalene and the "holy grail") would be a good example, but there are countless others). And there are many who have arguably achieved 1-4 (especially 2 and 4) who will never make any positive difference.

"Success" may be achieved in many ways, and being judgmental is, indeed, a "sin" when one is judging another without fully apprecating their circumstances and motivations.

[Joe Guy]

I'm sure no one who has ever accomplished anything in life has ever done what this daughter & handsome Scot did.

Time will be the judge of this relationship.

[Lord Jim]

I'm with the Camelot lady, the chicken, and the old guy on this....

[Sue U]

What Jim said. Also BigRR.

[Big RR]

I'm sure no one who has ever accomplished anything in life has ever done what this daughter & handsome Scot did.

Time will be the judge of this relationship.

Not exactly the same thing, but I would think King David and his treatment of Uriah would be similar, and his accomplishments have been chronicled. And that's just off the top of my head. I'd presume many who did this (and worse) things achieved much that benefitted mankind.

[loCAtek]

However I disagree, having run into/and deflected these gigolo types before. A powerful first attraction is easy; and easy to manipulate for the cavalier serial.

He is a perennial student?
Good work, if you can get it; just find a GF to support your studies in exchange for sex, and you're in like flint.

If the daughter knows she's in for just a fling, more power to her, but tell her to not get her hopes up for anything resembling long term commitment; she's just providing a service for the time being.

[Lord Jim]

these gigolo types

Did someone say...

Gigolo?...







Even more than 25 years later, that still holds up as the best rock video ever made....

(The classic part starts at about a minute 40...)

ETA:

I've watched this video probably dozens of times over more than two decades, and that was the first time I caught the Willie Nelson bit...

[loCAtek]

Dave loved the classics ...are those Saxs outta port-a-potties!?

[Gob]

Even more than 25 years later, that still holds up as the best rock video ever made....

Bunkum!

[Lord Jim]

Sorry, close, but I won't be handing out any cigars...

Bohemian Rhapsody is a rock classic, and while that's not a bad video, most of it's just a studio performance , and the rest is a little artsy early era computer generated stuff....

Sledgehammer is another classic rock number, but that video is nothing but a bunch of early special effects camera tricks with one guy's head....

Never heard of the last two...

The Ultravox thing has some semi interesting slow motion Hercule Poirot type scenes in it...

But as for the last video you posted....

Well, I think it's a pretty safe bet to say that you wouldn't get a huge number of votes for "Fetus Evolving Into A Baby In A Bottle Of Amber Solution Over Nearly five Minutes" as nominee for "Greatest Rock Video Ever Made"....

The Roth video, by contrast, is not "great" music, (though the piece comes from the 1920s) but the seamless choreography and transitions, done so well that they appear effortless, (almost like a classic big budget 30's musical; with the high quality orchestral back up to go along with it) combined with the spot on biting satire of just about every musical genre and popular musician of the period....

Really makes this the standard...

There are no cheap 80's era special effects in this video...

It's all music, and dance choreography driven in equal parts by satire of the time it was made, and an homage to the earlier time of the big budget musicals...

I suspect it took quite a few days of production to put that five minute video together...

I'll gladly put that against five minutes of special effects video showing a fetus turn into a baby, or four minutes of some guy's head jerking around in fast motion any day of the week...

[Gob]

A well Jim, as they say, it's all a matter of taste. As in, I have taste, Jim has none.One Man's masterpiece is another man's abomination etc...

[Lord Jim]

A well Jim, as they say, it's all a matter of taste. As in, I have taste, Jim has none.One Man's masterpiece is another man's abomination etc...

That's what makes horse races...