Motorcycle ("Chopper") Madness

[dgs49]

The word, “Chopper” when it comes to motorcycles has become a bit of a semantic perversion. The original choppers (first called, “bobbers”) were motorcycles from which the owners had removed all of the hardware not necessary to make it go. Fenders were either removed or cut down (“bobbed”), floorboards were replaced with footpegs, passenger seats were removed, and so forth. Exhaust systems were either cut short or replaced with straight pipes, which, if done properly might add a bit of performance, but generally just make the bikes sound more menacing. This stripped down, very business-like appearance became fashionable among the young gearheads, and were the motorcycle equivalent of the original Hot Rods.

http://totalmotocycle.blogspot.com/2011 ... cycle.html
Modern Bobber-style motorcycle (note rear disc brake)

In time, however, the owners of bobbers began to do some customizing in addition to merely stripping the bikes of superfluous hardware. The frames were extended, the front ends kicked out, handlebars were put on risers, and the remaining metalwork (mainly the gas tank) was painted according to the owner’s individual taste. Chrome was maximized emphasized. The frame modification and other customization highlighted the transition from Bobbers to Choppers.

http://image.motorcyclecruiser.com/f/91 ... hopper.jpg
Modern Chopper

Although converting your bike into a Bobber was generally an attempt to squeeze a bit more performance out of the bike, the transition to Choppers went in the opposite direction. The kicked-out front end made the bikes feel more stable when traveling in a straight line at highway speeds, but compromised handling significantly. Braking was simply not a concern, and many early choppers did not even have brakes on the front wheel (the primary braking wheel on both motorcycles and cars). Lighting was and is considered more of a nuisance than a safety feature, and turn signals are usually left off. Taillights are tiny, and headlights are seen as more of a decorative item than a source of light for riding at night. Many Choppers are on the borderline of not being street-legal, for a number of safety reasons.

Bobbers sacrificed the relative comfort of the original factory bikes with smaller seats, but the compromise was considered acceptable in the name of performance. The bikes could be ridden for an hour or two without a visit to the chiropractor’s office.

To say that Choppers sacrifice comfort for style is probably too generous. Having modified or custom frames, Choppers usually have no rear suspension at all (a phenomenon known as the “hard tail”). Further, the seats and seating position (determined by the relationship among the seat, footpegs, and handlebars) are designed to look “cool,” rather than to be comfortable. And often a “cool” riding position is quite the opposite of comfortable, or even safe. The combination of a lack of any rear suspension (sometimes the seat is mounted on small springs, but that adds little comfort), an uncomfortable riding position, and little or no padding on the seat itself, mean that choppers can be ridden, but they are excruciatingly uncomfortable, and as transportation they are almost worthless. (However, it is a mortal sin among the Chopper cognoscenti to admit that your bike is uncomfortable). Also, their custom gas tanks seldom hold more than a gallon and a half of fuel, which dictates a maximum cruising range of maybe 50 miles, with no reserve tank, as one would find on a conventional motorcycle. The short cruising range does work well with the general discomfort of the bike, however, since no sane person would actually want to ride for more than 50 miles at a time.

The “Easy Rider” myth of friends riding cross country on a chopper is just that: a myth. No one could ride cross country on a contemporary chopper and have any hope of fathering children afterward.

Unfortunately, the apparent “godfather” of contemporary Choppers is one Jesse James (I suppose that’s his real name), a person made famous by a “reality” television program (programs, actually) in which he was the “star,” building custom bikes for a variety of wealthy, foolhardy clients. Those programs ran for a number of years following the turn of the Y2K century, and the last and “best” of the programs featured a series of competition “build-offs” between James and other custom Chopper builders.

The premise of the programs was that James and one or two other builders would build custom Choppers in their own shops, then ride them to a central point, where the different bikes would be judged to see which builder won the challenge. Typically, the competition took place at a motorcycle show of some sort, and the winner was determined by a vote of the people attending the show. The programs showed the bikes being built, and followed the riders as they travelled to the final site. What was not generally shown was the van-load of people and tools that were required to ensure that both bike and biker survived the trip. But the theoretical purpose of the ride was to demonstrate that the Chopper was functional as a motorcycle, at least in a limited sense.

One significant criticism by people who actually ride motorcycles was that the builders invariably wore no helmets or gloves (except in states requiring helmets, in which case they wore the least protective helmet that could be found), no riding jackets, boots, or reflective gear, and generally, to coin a phrase, they rode like adolescent, suicidal idiots.

In any event, due to events not relevant to this discussion, Jesse James “went Hollywood” for a couple of years, during which the mantle of Godfather of Choppers was passed to a father and son, Paul and Paul Junior Teutel, Chopper-builders with a shop in Orange County, New York.

The Teutels’ brand of Choppers was unique to the trade. Rather than just building free-form designs (which tend to become very repetitive over time), the Teutels built motorcycles under contract, according to a “theme” dictated by the client. Usually the theme was commercial – designed to promote the client’s products or business – but sometimes it was personal (built for a golfer or a racecar driver), or public interest (built to honor the heroes of 9/11). They usually followed the normal styling cues of Choppers, with extended forks, raised handlebars, and a fat rear tire, but not always. In a sense, they expanded the definition of Chopper to include any highly-stylized, motorcycle-based vehicle. They also were made famous (and prosperous) by their exposure on “reality” television, and their program was made perennially popular (relatively speaking) through a series of soap-opera-like battles between the father and son. I won’t go into more detail than that.

So predictably, the television sponsors of the old Jesse James programs and the Teutels’ program decided to have a competition between them when James’ Hollywood sojourn ended. By this time, as many already know, the Teutels had split, with Paul Jr opening his own shop, thus the competition was to be among three separate Chopper shops. The idea was to see who could build the “best” chopper in a three-week time window. As before, the winner would be decided by popular vote, but this vote would not be limited to attendees at the event, but rather anyone watching the program and wanting to vote over the Internet.

The results were interesting but not satisfying. With the winner being determined by popular vote, many questions arise. Are voters in any way knowledgeable about motorcycles of Choppers? Are voters voting for the person they like best or for the bike? Are they voting on which bike is the best Chopper or which is the best motorcycle? As described above, these are two completely different things.

Indeed, a person wanting to purchase the best motorcycle (of that type) won’t even consider a custom Chopper. There are many stylized factory bikes that are more powerful, more comfortable, and just as aesthetically appealing. What’s more, they are safer, more reliable, and can be bought at a fraction of the cost. Many years ago, Paul Sr bought a motorcycle as a gift for Paul Jr; it was a Honda Goldwing. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

In my view, these bikes had to be judged on how the bikes work as Choppers. The fact that one bike or another is not practical or safe, or that it doesn’t have a reasonable cruising range, should not be relevant because Choppers as a rule all have these shortcomings. A Chopper is a form of garment, intended to make a statement about the rider. It is in the form of a motorcycle, but need not function well as such.

Paul Sr must have been having a “senior moment” when he decided what to build for this competition. It was not even a motorcycle. It was a battery-powered, three legged track vehicle, suitable perhaps for a mars landing, but only if there are no bumps or craters on the surface or mars. One can only conclude that he knew that both Paul Jr and JJ would kick his shop’s figurative butt in a true Chopper competition, so he demurred.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00 ... dea970c-pi
Paul Sr’s entry. Not a Chopper or a motorcycle

Paul Jr offered an extremely stylized bike, built on the theme of a WWI fighter plane. It had some unique features, including a single-sided front fork, large skinny tires, both front and rear (Choppers invariably have extremely wide rear tires), and a jewelry store load of brightwork. It demonstrated a great deal of creativity and fabrication skill, but if anything it was too gaudy.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00 ... 4e5970d-pi
Paul Jr’s Bike

James submitted a “classic” Chopper, much like every other bike he had built for every other competition. His entry demonstrated a good deal of fabrication skill, but no creativity whatsoever, except in that it was a little bit more ridiculous than his previous work. More of the same. It is also worth noting that JJ prides himself in building the whole motorcycle himself (excluding the drivetrain and painting, of course), but he was not able to do this in this competition because there was simply too much fabrication for one person to do in the allotted time, and he had to call employees at a shop that he owns in Austin to help him. Points off for getting outside help? For the voters to decide.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00 ... 828970c-pi
JJ’s Entry.
(NOTE: rider cannot see over the tank, must look around)

Of course, Paul Jr won the contest, probably because he is the least offensive personality of the three.
Not surprisingly, Paul Sr was less than gracious in accepting the results, and JJ became downright nasty. His main criticism of Paul Jr’s entry was that it had a ridiculously small fuel capacity (apparently less than a gallon), and thus was not really a motorcycle. True enough. But would it be relevant to point out that JJ’s bike could not be ridden on a typical urban street (having potholes, speed bumps, etc)?

JJ’s mindset undoubtedly was influenced by the “Biker Build-offs” of the early 90’s, which required that the builder be able to travel at least 500 miles on the competition bike, to prove that it was not just a trailer queen. But if this had been one of the announced criteria, Paul Jr could easily have made his gas tank larger and made the sacrificial ride.

Still, the Discovery Channel blew it by not making the criteria clear at the outset. Paul Sr should not have been able to blow off the competition by entering his Mars Rover, and it would have been easier to evaluate the bikes, as well as the votes, if some tangible criteria had been put on the table.

A bit disappointing overall, I’d say.

[loCAtek]

Oh, you know there will be another one. I'm not surprised by either of the losers' reactions; Paul Sr. is famous for being a hot-head, and JJ for being a spoiled brat.

[Gob]

I thought "chopping" was originally done to convert Harleys into something approaching a functional motorbike, instead of the bloated behemoths they were. Thanks for confirming that Dave.

[Jarlaxle]

Originally, many H-D's were bought military surplus..."chopping" involved removing all the superflous doodads from them.

I saw someone ride ~1500 miles on a custom Harley (a 1958 hard-tail, I recall a Shovelhead) last June. It wasn't nearly as extreme as some of the crap Jesse James and the other "builders" come up with, but it was extensively modified.

[loCAtek]

The whole chopper culture was originally descended from the military; specifically the Air Force. Returning Airmen who still craved the excitement and freedom, they felt in the skies, started creating Motorcycle clubs and brought part of their previous uniform with them: the Leather Flight or Bomber Jacket. The patches on the first leathers were unit & mission insignias.

[BoSoxGal]

I enjoyed your OP, dgs, but you need to put the pics in the post - one of your links wasn't functional.

[Gob]

I saw someone ride ~1500 miles on a custom Harley (a 1958 hard-tail, I recall a Shovelhead) last June.

I bet he was shaking like Muhammad Ali when he got off it!!

[dgs49]

I couldn't figure out how to put the pictures in. I have recently been described - accurately, I'm afraid - as "E-tarded."

[Jarlaxle]

To put pix in a post: just like posting a link, but instead of the "url" tags, use tags with "img" in them.



Clicking "quote" on this post should give you an example.