It's logical to speculate that Alpha Dog was a Gung ho Mo'fo', from before birth; that he was genetically bred and mutated to be the Ultimate Super Soldier(TM) sans serum; while being raised on rampant patriotism and nurtured on nepotism, suckled from his fanatical über-mother's breast milk.
Meanwhile his government
programing upbringing was a strict, spartan, ideology bordering on fascism; that included worshiping green plastic Army men, close order diaper drills, and sacrificing little liberal kid's captured cookies on the alter of the industrial military complex before bed time...
...but there you'd be wrong.
B.D. of Doonesbury, he was not- Alpha was/is in fact, a real person.
The emerging A. Dog was utmost into: Star Wars, Scorpions, and Skirt, mostly Skirt- and pretty much was a mullet-headed, hard rock, juvenile delinquent; much like Joe Dirt,
he tells me that movie, was a documentary of his childhood.
Like the hill-billy, heavy metal, pinche juero that he was, Alpha was perpetually in trouble with 'The Man'.
Seeing as excitement was illegal in his part of the country, his thirst for adventure at an early age [Thank you, George Lucas] got him sent before many a judge, on more than a few occasions, for what he thought was just having fun.
Until at last, shortly after his 18th birthday, came the collar that nearly sent him to the County Correctional for the crime of 'Breaking and Entering', with the intent to commit 'Statutory Rape'.
In average street lingo that means: he was caught hanging from a drain pipe, in an effort to see his underage girlfriend; or else, he had seen her and was trying to make his post-coital escape, but neither he nor the jailbird would testify to that effect.
All the authorities had to go on was that Alphie was arrested from the eaves by law enforcement; earning him the alias of ''Gutters'', once he was enlisted in the Army – a tribute to the outdoor plumbing from which he'd been extracted, and henceforth it was emblazoned upon his helmet as his nickname.
Yup, it was Join The Army, or do Jail time! declared the Judge at his hearing. (He's is not the only low-life, turn-around, thanks to the military, that I know of, but I'm not talking 'bout them, so shut up.)
This hero's origins were entirely humble, which is why it can be so goddammed difficult to get Alphie to talk about his outlandish adventures
You'd think he'd be the biggest braggart at the bar, What? with his story topping brouhaha; like getting blown up annually for the last six or seven years [no, really. I have to show you the pics] ...but hell no, he gets all shy if we just ask him to go skeet shootin'. He coulda cleared the skies of clay pigeons that afternoon, but he chose to grin and not even bear down sighting his shotgun; instead just causally blasted into the general direction downrange so, that he didn't have to show off.
...but I digress.
It's all the US Army's fault; that Alphie tasted the Tiger Blood [hey, that beats getting addicted to meth, which is what most white trash does] ...and so, the service finally fed his furor fix! When/where he was quickly promoted up the ranks ...until in just a few short years he qualified for the Air Assault Division, Akin to the Army Rangers [and somewhere in there he received a double Black belt in Karate]
See? I told you he was SpecWar! I don't lie, and I'm never wrong
It was there that Alpha Dog truly learned the American fighting man's trade:
From Joe Dirt to G.I. Joe – Real American Hero! Hoorah,
God Bless the U.S.A!!!
Next up: Wounded [Purple] Hearts and Hard Labor.
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