loCAtek wrote:No prob, O-n-W, everyone's recovery is different. I've received no, as in zero physical hugs (for that admission) and on my first day was twice called a drunk. Still happens.
Now, I'm told I'm not trying hard enough; although I've shown improvement. It's just different world's we move in.
I can't believe the lack of support you receive(d). I have so much support sometimes I just get tired of it.
I still say get to an AA meeting and get your hand up. I have yet to go to any meeting any group where I wasn't greeted with open arms, my "home group" is called Open Arms phone numbers and offers to help. I can't imagine it any other way anyplace else.
Many people on afflicted don't understand it and those are not people you should look to for support. Ignore what they say, you can't change them.
oldr_n_wsr wrote:Many people on afflicted don't understand it and those are not people you should look to for support. Ignore what they say, you can't change them.
oldr_n_wsr wrote:Many people on afflicted don't understand it and those are not people you should look to for support. Ignore what they say, you can't change them.
That's good advice.
Yes Lo.
As Gob Pointed out earlier in this thread:
Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 8:21 am
I never envisioned PlanB as a therapy room, but I have to say, the range of advice, and level of support here is brilliant.
oldr_n_wsr wrote:Many people on afflicted don't understand it and those are not people you should look to for support. Ignore what they say, you can't change them.
That's good advice.
Actually I should ammend that.
"Only take from them things (advice/sayings/etc) that you can use"
People not afflicted can and do give good advice sometimes. But what you seem to have around you is people who don't know, don't understand, don't want to understand and have no empathy for what you are going through.
There is no cure for alcoholism. You may get it into remission, but it is always there waiting to make a comeback.
loCAtek wrote:No prob, O-n-W, everyone's recovery is different. I've received no, as in zero physical hugs (for that admission) and on my first day was twice called a drunk. Still happens.
Now, I'm told I'm not trying hard enough; although I've shown improvement. It's just different worlds we move in.
Find a different group....there must be tons of 'em in the South Bay.
They all have their own vibe so to speak, find one that fits you!
Your collective inability to acknowledge this obvious truth makes you all look like fools.
Well cha', such is my faith given from the monk, that one day I'll find acceptance. The idea is to keep going; you haven't failed, if you keep seeking.
Unless something's changed, I don't believe loCA's ever given AA a try - she had reasons why it wasn't going to work for her. Of course if she got herself into an AA meeting, she'd get plenty of hugs and lots of affirmation and encouragement.
Sadly, it seems obvious from what she's shared here that loCA doesn't have very supportive family/friends.
It's my hope that over time reading about your experiences, oldr, she'll take the same leap of faith that you have and give AA a try. It's one of many reasons I'm grateful to you for sharing your experiences here.
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
Shoot, I haven't talked to the majority of my family in almost 15 years; from what I've seen of other family members treatment, I'd be mocked and derided. My dad went through a stressful period where he was given anti-depressants. They helped his mood a lot, even in the face of my mom snorting at him constantly that now he was a 'damn junkie'.
I've not been a public lush, so my friends tend not to believe me. At work, they think I'm a non-drinker. There was a night-shift that ended last summer, with the manager treating everybody to case of Coronas. I declined a few times politely, but they really insisted; it would have been a social snub not to accept a beer from a muchacho. So, for courtesy's sake, I took a few sips and handed the bottle back. Now, I'm a mate, but they think I don't like to drink. The shop joke is to tease me with, "'Eh Loca, you wanna go for some tequila shots?"
That, I kiddingly overplay, and reply 'no-no-no-no-no that's too strong' and the men get a chuckle.
Unless something's changed, I don't believe loCA's ever given AA a try - she had reasons why it wasn't going to work for her.
Don't know if this is true or not, but if it is, I know of quite a few people who didn't believe AA would work for them and they are now sober and have been for many years.
Give it a shot loCatek, what have you got to loose?
Thinking over my "restart" I have come to a relevation and a revelation.
power washing and sealing the concrete patio is not exactly taxing on the brain so these are things I thought about and tried to figure while cleaning the patio
There is something relevant between pride (and ego) and being an alcoholic. We are proud, proud we were able to drink for so long and still manage some type of normalcy (at least a few of us). And we are proud of being sober for X-number of days, months, years. Family members and support people say they are proud of you for how and how long you have stayed sober. All this pride feeds the ego to the point that we can do anything, even have a drink. For the newcomer to AA there is no place for pride. I was proud I made it through the families Easter gathering not drinking. I was also proud of MY will power in how relatively easy it was to go through the day not drinking and barely even thinking about (not) drinking. I was so proud of myself I shared my accomplishment with the group at a meeting I attended on Easter night. I even got applause. I was proud, I was beaming, I was a beacon of hope to others, if I could do it, so can you. Pride feeding ego.
However, I have come to realize that what I really need to be is humble. That following Tuesday revealed to me that alcoholism wants you to be prideful and have a big ego as that's just another way it can sway you. Heck, I withstood the flowing rivers of alcohol on Sunday, I can do anything, right? I can have a drink on Tuesday, even a pint and I will be fine. But I need to humble myself and realize that I won't be fine, that I do need help with this. Sure it's a pint on Tuesday, but it could just as easily progress to a quart on Wednesday/Thursday/Friday and then the weekend comes and it's time to really party.
Then the relationships get strained again (how many chances does one get?), people you know and love start disassociating with you. When does it end? it doesn't, not until all you have is gone and sometimes that includes your life.
Which brings me to the revelation. Left to my own devices, I was too proud, had too much of an ego to admit that I didn't stay sober on Sunday through just my own will. I can't remember the last time/party/get together that I didn't drink alcohol, even if I wasn't feeling well and didn't really want (need) to drink. Left to only my own devices, I would be all over that bottle of scotch. I tried for 5+months to do it "my way", even attending AA meetings once a week, and all it did was land me in rehab.
I realize now that I didn't stay sober Easter Sunday on my own.
Now I am not a religious person, bordering on agnostic, but I have come to believe that something/someone made it much easier to stay sober that day. Actually, I was surprised that night when we left, how little I thought of drinking or even not drinking again thinking it was "all me". I just moved through the day, much like I would move through the day if I were drinking, but without getting loud and tipsy and having to be driven home.
Call it "my higher power", call it God as I understand him (I don't so I am going with "higher power") maybe an inner power I don't know I have. Who knows, but I do know what staying sober feels like and want to replicate whatever "power" helped me stay sober that Sunday everyday.
All I have to do is figure out how as on that Tuesday, all by myself, no one was there to make it easier, and the pride and ego took over. So I do need to find how to tap into that "power" again.
oldr_n_wsr wrote:
There is something relevant between pride (and ego) and being an alcoholic. We are proud, proud we were able to drink for so long and still manage some type of normalcy (at least a few of us).
However, I have come to realize that what I really need to be is humble.
Wow, very interesting insight O-n-W, I'll be interesting in seeing how this one develops with you. ( I may even knick it for my own use.)
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
I think the "being proud" part might normally be ok if one can keep the ego in check. However, most alcoholics have either a big ego or are scared/don't fit in so they use the "best defense is a good offense" approach.
For me it's the ego. If I do something good or better than others, it feeds my ego. If someone is proud of me or if I did something that makes me proud, it feeds my ego.
As a teenager/20-something I took great pride in being able to drink a 12oz can of beer in under 2 seconds (we used to call it "shotgunning" or "submarine" as you put a hole on the edge of the bottom of the can, put it up to your mouth and then popped the pull tab). Being able to down a pitcher of beer (a quart?) without stopping (forgot how long it took). I taught myself to open my throat so the beer would just pour down without having to swallow. Won many a bet and beer drinking contest and people loved it and loved me for it (or was it the money I won for them). All fed the ego.
When the ego gets big enough it gives you the idea you can do just about anything. I can even drink for a day because I kicked alcohols ass two days ago or stayed sober for a month. Hell, I deserve to drink.
While it is ok to be proud, humility needs to go along with it in order to keep the ego in check.
maybe I'll powerwash and stain the stoops this weekend and think more on this. Perhaps I'll even figure out that "higher power" thingy as it dropped in today again. Had an interview this morning and the guys took me out to lunch and they had drinks but I drank ice tea (not the Long Island type). In the past I would have jumped all over free drinks. Not any urge what-so-ever. Had I did have a drink, I would still be drinking now some 10 hours later.
Just a quick note, still not drinking and I got my prostate biopsy results back and all samples came back benign. I am a happy camper. My testosterone levels are low and we are doing more tests on that, but I am happy.
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