oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure

[loCAtek]

ThX Oldr, you have a great, engaging writing style too. Props for the good reads

[Long Run]

[Andrew D]

This is an amazing thread. I don't think that I have anything of any real value to contribute; I just want to say that the breadth and depth of support and compassion and wisdom -- and the willingness to share them -- well, I'm just in awe.

I hope that things keep improving for you, oldr_n_wsr. Whatever meager powers of benevolence I may possess, I am radiating them in your direction.

[oldr_n_wsr]

A big thank you to LongRun for that cartoon. I laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes. I have to snag that and print it out. Thanks again.

And thanks AndrewD, LoCatek and everyone else for their support.

Went up to the lake house this past weekend and had another "first". You see, every year on the July Fourth weekend all the people around the lake get together and we have the Welcome Lake (that's the name of the lake) Fun Run. Basically you run about a mile on the course and get trophy's/ribbons in your age group for first, second or third. Then we have a big country bar-b-q and play volleyball and softball and speak to people you haven't seen in a while (vacation homes are like that).

This was the first year I was there and was 100% sober. But it wasn't that easy. In hte past they always waited for me to cross the finish line before tapping hte keg of beer. This year, as I crossed the finish line (I walk the course and this year I took even longer as I had my dog with me who insisted on sniffing every plant, rock and tree on the course) they were yelling that it took me so long that the beer was getting warm. And, as one person handed me a beer I explained that I no longer drank and went on to tell them all htat I am an alcoholic and am attending AA meetings and no longer drinking. They all took it in stride and for the rest of the afternoon the only thing offered to me was water or soda. Seems more than one person there was also a recovering alcoholic but they were afraid (or embarassed) to admit it. Now I (and them) have a northeastern Pa support group.

I did intend to go to a meeting on both saturday and sunday evening but I was having sich a great time on both days time went right past when I needed to leave for both meetings. It's not like down here where you can find a meeting within a 15 minute drive. Both places were a good 45 minute drive and byt hte time I realized the saturday one was already over and hte sunday meeting had already started.

But it was OK. As they say "when you don't want to go to a meeting, that's when you need to get to one". As it played out, it wasn't that I didn't want to go, it was that I didn't need to go and I only realized that after I found out I missed them.

It is my 30+ day relapse time and I am "on guard" but I think I am good this time around. When I think about drinking, I recall my last relapse and remember it really wasn't worth it. Not in terms of having to attend more outpatient groups but more that it did little to noth9ng for me. Sure I got a buzz but it lasterd about 1/2 hour. Then I was tired and just wanted to take a nap. After the nap I just wanted to sleep some more and couldn't. The rest of hte day I lethargic. It just wasn't worth it.

So I am good right now, and am sober for now (with no need/want to drink) so I should be good for today. I'll face tomorrow when it gets here.

All for now, Thanks again everyone.

[Gob]

Good news again O-n-W, I await more.

[Rick]

[loCAtek]

Woo-Hoo! Way cool OnD, way cool.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Just an oldr_n_wsr life update:
Got a jobe offer about two wweks ago to become an appliance repairman for sears. Found out a very profound thing, the difference between desigining things and fixing them is about $50,000 a year.
Tried to get them to up the starting hourly rate, but no go as I have little appliance repair experience. Stalled for a little bit to see if anything else opened up but nothing has so today I accepted the job. I start next monday (sept 19) with training (don't know how long) then a week in the field with a mentor, then I'm on my own. I get a van stocked with tools and parts, a computer and a cell phone (THE HORROR!!!!!, me with a cell phone). They contact me and let me know the jobs I have to do that day and I go do it. While I am on the clock (with guaranteed 40 hour weeks), I am almost a private contractor in that I don't have to "go in" and report then go out to the repairs. I'm not that thrilled at this but what can you do.

My Unemployment insurance is in it's last week, but I am eligeble for at least 13 more weeks of extended benefits (20 more weeks if the NY state unemployment figure for the last three months goes above 8%)

Also I am going batshit crazy. Irene knocked me more ways than I thought. Doing nothing all day is one thing, not having electricity and not having a place to go and do something (aka a job) is not condusive to keeping sober. But I weathered the storm and the aftermath and ended up taking a trip to see my dad up at the lake house and did a little fishing. Visited my sister at her church where she was helping out at a chicken Bar-B-Q. Came home on monday sept 5 and resumed job search. Found a company looking for circuit designers and went on an interview last friday. While I am sure I could do the job for them (and told them so) they were looking for someone who had SONET and some other experience that I did not have. They said if they can't find the "right" candidate (aka the PERFECT candidate at the cheap price) they would contact me.

Oh Well, more later

[Gob]

Thanks for the update, and congrats on the new job, hope it goes well for you!

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks Gob, but as I said, I am not that thrilled with it, but I do need to get out and do something.

In other news about three weeks ago I drank for about 4-5 days straight. Started with a couple of beers and by the end I was up to a 12 pack. All the while I still went to my AA meetings and told them there that I was drinking. My sponsor was a little pissed at me but I told him this seemed to be something I needed to get out of my system.

Stopped drinking then Irene came and I was going crazy but I didn't drink. Went to 2 or 3 AA meetings every day that week then went to Pa. Didn't drink there, came home on monday sept 5 and went on the interview (that was a thursday) and proceded to drink a quart of vodka that afternoon and finished it off the next morning.
Been clean since, a whopping 3 days.

Got down and groveled to my sponsor about how I need to get back to sobriety and really working on my sobriety not just attending meetings. I pick up people and give them rides to/from the meetings and help setup and cleanup afterwards, but I need more.

So he has me starting off by calling him twice a day at set times to get some discipline in me. Then we'll move on from there. He's called me a few times during the day just to check up and so have a couple of people I give rides to.

I slipped, but slip stands for Sobriety, Low In Priority.

[Long Run]

Good effort on both fronts. Best wishes on it working out for you.

[BoSoxGal]

oldr, I hope you credit yourself for staying sober while going through unemployment. It truly is a huge accomplishment to be dealing with both at once.

Congrats on the new gig; I hope it helps to have a place to go and people needing you - you'll certainly encounter some very happy folks when you are fixing their essential appliances! I'll keep sending positive thoughts in hopes that something more commensurate with your qualifications comes your way soon.

[Gob]

Well it sounds like a herculean accomplishment to me mate!

I was home for 2 1/2 months after my motorbike crash, and nearly went stir crazy. My alcohol consumption during that period did me no good whatsoever. I'm currently working on getting my liver function up, and my cholesterol count down. The fact that I did no exercise during those 2 1/2 months was a major factor in my current health situation.

Now back at the gym and walking the dogs thank god!

[loCAtek]

'Cha, it's really good to keep engaged in something outside yourself and out-of-doors. It may seem smallish, but Sears™ sounds like it could be a hoot!
I went from a full+overtime production welder, to a Home Depot™ drone for about two years; and I can't say it wasn't fun, while it lasted. I met some interesting folks and had some cool experiences.

Just this weekend, I texted ChiBling, my old Hardware Lead and we had some fond reminiscing. When I get my phone paid up, I'm gonna post a pic of his Blue-nosed Pitbull, he sent me. Good times...

Juss' remember to enjoy, what you got.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks everyone, they keep telling me to remember the good things I do and the good person I am but also not to forget the bad things I do (aka drink).

Step 4 has one taking personal inventory and it says not to leave out the good things about oneself.

Not on step 4 yet, still figuring out my higher power. There is a devout athiest in my old time AA meeting I go to on thursday and while I have talked to him before, I need to ask him a few dozen questions this thursday. Mainly about how he made it without a higher power. He's sober 33 years.

[loCAtek]

'devout atheist' - ain't that an oxymoron?

[dales]

Thanks everyone, they keep telling me to remember the good things I do and the good person I am but also not to forget the bad things I do (aka drink).

Step 4 has one taking personal inventory and it says not to leave out the good things about oneself.

Not on step 4 yet, still figuring out my higher power. There is a devout athiest in my old time AA meeting I go to on thursday and while I have talked to him before, I need to ask him a few dozen questions this thursday. Mainly about how he made it without a higher power. He's sober 33 years.

My sponsor and I worked on step 4 for months.

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THIS STEP!

It cleases out all the garbage and exposes the skeletons.

You must find God (as you nderstand Him) in order to remain sober.

Might I suggest reading We Agnostics starting on Pg. 44 of the Big Book.

Keep going to meetings and if you relapase, still keeep going and be open and honest.

[BoSoxGal]

I think it's terrific how openly you've shared here, oldr. As I said before, you are to be credited for working so diligently on sobriety at a time in your life fraught with financial stress and unique challenges that undesired idleness brings. Yes you've slipped, but you've owned it and got right back on track.

How's the Sears gig going so far?

[dales]

Just thought I'd chime in again.

Many here all pulling for your sobriety.

BTDT.

[oldr_n_wsr]

My sponsor and I worked on step 4 for months.

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THIS STEP!

It cleases out all the garbage and exposes the skeletons.

You must find God (as you nderstand Him) in order to remain sober.

Might I suggest reading We Agnostics starting on Pg. 44 of the Big Book.

Keep going to meetings and if you relapase, still keeep going and be open and honest.

Thanks for hte encouragement dales and you too bigskygal, it means a lot to me and it helps.

Been busy lately with work. Going on calls with a long time appliance repairman (33+ years) and learned a lot. My (our) boss is a real piece of work though. But I am tolerating him (serenity prayer and all that). Supposed to start my own route this week but still have about 2000 appliance parts to sort through on my truck. The guy who had it before me had no system with where parts go, so I am re-arranging it. They gave me a "suggested" layout so I am going by that.

Other than that, all is well. For now (and probably for the foreseeable future, I am using Nature (mother earth) as my higher power. She (he/it) has the power to give life and take it away. Much like water but so much more. Been talking to my sponser about it and he says whatever I see would fill the need to use it.

And yes dales I do see the utmost importance in step four and my sponor has reinforced that understanding. I know sooner or later he will start pushing to do the step, but for now he says to get my head on straight (job wise and anything bothering me) then we'll work on the step. Also, I don't miss meetings. I think since I started this in earnest back in February I have missed a total af maybe 5 meetings, and all of those were while I was up in Pa. and by the time I realized I had to go to a meetign, I had already missed it. Most of the meetings up there are a good 1/2 hour away. Down here on Long Island I can find a meeting within a 10 minute drive at pretty much any time of the day. Guess we have a lot of people with problems.

Anyway, as I said, busy with work and still looking for an EE job. But in the mean time, I'll be earning money and have benefits so the taxpayers are no longer supporting me and my rich lifestyle.

Thanks again for everyone's support.