oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure

[oldr_n_wsr]

In all fairness, oldr, as you know there's no such thing as a 'recovered' alcoholic/addict

Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic.
However, as the Big Book states:

This is the Foreword as it appeared in the first printing of the first edition in 1939.

We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.

We do not have a drinking problem, we have a sobriety problem.
Our real malady is a "hopeless state of mind and body". When someone says they have "recovered" they do not mean they are cured of alcoholism. AFAIK no "Real" alcoholic has ever been cured of his/her "alcoholism". (for the definition of a "Real Alcoholic" read the first 46 pages of the BB. I think it's the first 46 pages, maybe more.)
I cannot safely drink alcohol ever again. I have the physical allergy that when I do drink, I am unable to stop. Then the mental obsession kicks in and tells me I can drink with no problems, that I can control it this time, that I can be like any other person and drink safely.

Just as a person who is allergic to poison ivy. They touched it and got the rash. Then they have recovered from that rash but cannot touch poison ivy again lest they get the rash again. They are still allergic to poison ivy just as I am still allergic tio alcohol.

But to me it's a matter of what someone wishes to call their own situation. Some like to say "Hi I'm X, recovered alcoholic" others say "recovering" and other like to use other forms of greetings. One guy in my group uses "Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my problem is John". John is not his real name, I am keeping that anon, I just say "Hi, I'm oldr, alcoholic". I should change my last name to "Alcoholic"

He completed none of the steps and was the most miserable abusive dry drunk bastard you can imagine

Alcohol was our medicine, our cure for our ills. Take that away and we are still left with our ills. I have heard many alcoholics who quit, were not recovered, being told by their family that they liked them better when they were drinking. The second part of the first step "-that our lives had become unmanageable" does not mean that alcohol had made our lives unmanageable (which it did). Our lives, or something in our lives was unmanageable and we drank to make that go away. Take away alcohol and the unmanageable part still remains.

but rely on their own understanding of higher power to succeed in the program - if I recall correctly, didn't you also grapple with that issue early on?

Yes I did, still do. The word "God" still conjures up the RC God who's representatives (aka nuns and brothers) punished little "oldr" in His name. I have moved on from that but stil have a hangup on the word "God" and still prefer "Higher Power". But the pragmatist in me tells me to economy of syllables and "God" is only one where as "Higher power" is four. that's the engineer in me
But as my mentor (the words "sponser" and "sponsee" are never used in the Big Book) says, my concept of my Higher Power is not what it was a year ago, nor will it be the same a year from now.

and truly dealing with the root issues that cause the behavior - the results can be miraculous in the lives of the alcoholic/addict and his/her loved ones, but it takes a whole lot more than prayer.

Prayer alone will not heal us. Going through the Steps (sometimes multiple times) and changing the person that we once were, with the connection to a Higher Power as a foundation, is the miracle/cosmic coincidence/divine guidance/whatever that we get for our work.

Sorry to break your post up into pieces and in no special order. Hope I made sense. Thanks for listening and understanding.

[BoSoxGal]

Absolutely, and thanks for responding.

I read my dad's Big Book many years ago - I was 16 or 17 at the time. I can't honestly said I read it cover to cover, but I read much of the first half at least - enough to know why my dad wasn't a recovered alcoholic. (Thanks for reminding me of the lingo.)

When I get home to Maine I'm likely going to attend Al-Anon again for a while, as I still grapple with adult child issues, including my own propensity for addictive personality (which is channeled mainly into comfort eating that harms my health).

The rooms are a great place to re-learn humility and really good listening skills.

eta: I've spent too much time the past many years dealing with arrogant people and becoming overly arrogant myself. I want to try to recapture the old, kinder and gentler BSG.

[oldr_n_wsr]

I always say that everyone should do the 12 steps. They are a way of life, a change of life to a better life.
I can honestly say I am at peace most(all?) of the time.
Good luck bigskygal and if you need any help, let me know.
Google "joe and charlie, AA". They read/break down/explain the big book. I found their insite helpful.

I go to at least two Big Book meetings a week and have been for the last couple of years. Always seems to find/learn something new.

[wesw]

I ve found the bible to be similar.

you can read the same passage or section over and over and find something new in it, or yourself, time after time.

[oldr_n_wsr]

My aunt died. She went to the hospital back in July after we took her up to the house in Pa. She was having trouble breathing and they found cancer spot on her lung. She didn't want any kind of surgery or treatment (she was 85) and they sent her home wiht oxygen and they were keeping an eye on it. About two months later she was rushed to the hospital again this time because she lost a lot of blood. Seems she was crapping blood and didn't tell anyone. She was waiting for it to go away. So they gave her a bunch of transfusions. Turns out she was on one of those "warned about" blood thinners. She spent more time in the hospital and somewhere along the line she developed a pretty nasty infection which settled in her hip/leg, in the hip that had been been replaced a few times. Nothing was knocking the infection down so she said she wanted to go home. So we brought her home three weeks ago and she passed yesterday about 3am.

She was my fathers sister and was like a second mother to me (and my siblings) since my mom died back in 1998. She was mother, a sister, a daughter and RN and a Saint. Always doing for others and never for herself. We had to fight her in order for us to do anything for her.

Whenever she didn't like something or something someone said she would give you the finger while twisting her arm for emphasis and say "Spin on it". (but always with a wry smile)

So in her honor:
Spin On It

Goodbye Aunt Dottie, you live on in my memories. I will miss you.

Off to a meeting (not that I am thinking of drinking 'cause I am not).
Just need the "energy" that is there.

Thanks for listening.
Have a good weekend.

[BoSoxGal]

oldr

My most sincere condolences on your loss, oldr. I hope your memories embrace you in this difficult time.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Indeed, oldr. What bsg said and rather well too... even the hugs (man hugs). So sorry.

[Guinevere]

So sorry oldr. In our family "Aunties" are special Angels, so you have your own angel advocate watching out for you.

[Long Run]

Oldr, sorry for your loss, and best wishes for a good holiday season for you and your family.

[Econoline]

I've had some good aunts and some bad aunts (thankfully, the good'ns mostly outlived the bad'ns) so I know that a good aunt is truly special, and it hurts when she's gone. So sorry to hear of your loss; you have my sincere condolences.

[wesw]

sorry man

[Lord Jim]

Just saw this...

My sincere condolences oldr; she sounds like a great lady...

[Big RR]

I just saw this as well. My sincerest condolences; it is never easy losing someone close to you.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks everyone. Aunt Dottie was also the school nurse at Kings Park High School. At the wake I met a lady who had a son who had MD and went to Kings Park High School. She wrote a book about her son (who died of MD) and in it she wrote a good deal about Aunt Dottie and how she was great with/for not only her son but all the students. There was a particular paragraph that described her selflessness to a "T". I read it at the wake after the priests prayer service. Not a dry eye in the place. (I was able to hold it together until I was done, thankfully). The name of the book is "Yo God, Jays story"
http://www.amazon.com/Jays-Story-June-C ... B00I9LGDN0

We all knew what a great person she was, but to have someone write about her like that was confirmation (not that we needed any).
God speed Aunt Dottie. Rest in Peace, you have earned it.

[oldr_n_wsr]

I headed off an anxiety attack yesterday afternoon. I felt it coming and was able to calm myself with meditation. What I don't know is what brought it on.

Then I had trouble falling asleep last night and woke up around 2am and had trouble falling back asleep. This hasn't happened to me in, I don't know how long, a year or so? Maybe I need to get to more meetings. Now that the daughters house is "done" I can go to more.

Nothing has been bothering (that I know of) and work has been fine. The daughter finally moved into her house over hte weekend, so maybe I am a little sad and anxious over that.

I had to make a house call last night. Seems the toilet got a little "slow". She is now a proud owner of a plunger and I taught her how to use it.
She also complained about a lack of hot water. I checked out the hot water heater and the temp is on max (150F) so I told her they can't take showers back to back especially when one takes the 45 minute variety. I upped the "low" temp from 125 to 135 so maybe that will help.

All for now. Thanks for listening.

[Big RR]

oldr--I wouldn't fret about the insomnia, it might well come from getting older. I know I have occasional bouts for no other discernible reason. For me, the best thing to do is to either lay there relaxing (it is not as good as sleep, but it is better than nothing) or go and put the TV on--usually that can put me to sleep pretty quickly. If more meetings help, all the better.

there may be physical reasons for insomnia as well, so you might want to mention it to your physician.

[MajGenl.Meade]

In my experience just having a daughter is enough to cause insomnia. I'm with Big RR though - 2/3 in the a.m. and I'm up and checking the web, doing Sudoku, reading... and soon enough I feel sleep again. Of course, it's OK for me to not get up again until 8 am or later... that helps

[BoSoxGal]

Have you tried taking melatonin? Production decreases with age, so that might be your fix. I've heard it increases REM sleep, too.

[Lord Jim]

Have you tried taking melatonin

My MIL takes that; she says it works really well...

[oldr_n_wsr]

All was good last night and any edginess has retreated. I think it may have to do with starting taking B-12 vitamin. The nerve doc (tingly toes and not diabetic) had called and said my B-12 levels were below low so I started them monday. I realized this "new thing" yesterday and called him about it. He siad give it a few days and see if I return to normal.

Thanks everyone.