Plan B Forum

The inevitable has happened she was made to feel less.

I guess a little background is in order. I have a niece that was born with a hand that wasn't fully formed and as a result wad to have a few surgeries as an infant to give her the three fingers she has now. I admit I was taken aback when I heard my brother referring to it as her "sticky" hand not only because her fingers were stuck together but she stuck it everywhere. A sure sign that she liked you was that she would shove it right in your mouth. But, as I found out doing so normalized it and as a result she has become a confident outgoing little girl with a spirit you can't help but adore.

She started preschool this year. And yesterday the teacher decided it would be a good idea to teach the kids how to count to ten using thier fingers. And the damage was done.

I can't really blame the teacher I just wish she would have given it a little more thought.

I hope the damage won't be long lasting it would break my heart to see her become withdrawn, but, on the plus side she's already used the drama to get my brother to look into getting her enrolled in dance class.

Yes. Unintended consequences. Failure to process all the data to predict results.

Life is not fair. Heartbreaking. I hope she has enuff happy experiences at school to produce a good balance in the end.

snailgate

I'd probably suggest to my niece to count to eight on her fingers and up to 10 using her ears and 11 using her nose. But my niece is kinda strange like me - not to mention she's 38 yrs old now.

Crackpot wrote:The inevitable has happened she was made to feel less... I can't really blame the teacher I just wish she would have given it a little more thought... I hope the damage won't be long lasting it would break my heart to see her become withdrawn...

This sounds like a "teachable moment" for your brother and SIL. They need to make sure that although your niece is a little different she is no lesser a person than her fellow classmates. And maybe even more because she needs to be strong in accepting that difference. Then she needs to be taught that finger counting is just a starter only so she gets a visual idea of number facts, and it's not the only method to figure out simple calculations. Her eight digits shows her much the same as their ten and there's nothing wrong with that.

Also, the teacher needs to be told to move on to more efficient methods other than finger counting ASAP. She needs to incorporate other objects when conveying the concept of counting and adding on. Marbles, tiddlywinks, raisins... anything but fingers when practicing preschool number facts.

If you niece is traumatized by this turn of events she's not getting proper understanding and guidance at home. Parents and child may need to get some counseling because this is only the first challenge of many. Children can really be cruel during their formative years -- even into high school -- so lessons need to be learned now, not later. Good luck.

She's 4

In all fairness teaching little ones to count using their fingers is age old. This is a situation family might have anticipated. Surely by 4 she's figured out her fingers are different from mom and dad and siblings, cousins, friends. There isn't any reason this has to be a traumatic event for her, especially as kids are incredibly resilient and it sounds like she is well loved. The world is a cruel place for people whose bodies have no peculiarities at all, never mind the differently-abled.

Just keep loving her and teach her to count using her nose & ears too.

That was pretty much my thought as well she's a bright little girl. She understands the differences it sounds like the teacher forgot my nieces difference and forgot to explain beforehand.

she's already used the drama to get my brother to look into getting her enrolled in dance class.

she sounds like she'll be OK; kids learn that at an early age as well. If she only has 3 fingers maybe her parents can teach her to count the bigger fingers twice (perhaps because they are special?). I remember my younger daughter (both kids are adopted) ran into some teasing in kindergarten about it (it was a similar lesson about where you were born and putting pins) on the map of the US; when she said she was born in South America and adopted, a couple of girls teased her for a few days. We spoke about it and I said she could be happy because she was chosen, while the other kids' parents just had to take what they got. It seemed to stop the teasing when she said it to those couple of girls. I hope she learns to realize that there's nothing wrong with being different--each of us, I think, has to learn that.

My dad used pretty much the same line on my brother when he used to tease me about being adopted (I wasn't). The look on my brothers face was priceless

It's an oldie but goodie.

hugs and kisses and laughter and love can cure all sorts of pain.....

best wishes to you all!