My dad told us he loves us

Members own writings, photography, music, art, poetry, prose.
Show off your own stuff, share the pleasure, suffer the critics.
User avatar
Crackpot
Posts: 11265
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 am
Location: Michigan

My dad told us he loves us

Post by Crackpot »

This happened today when my brother and his wife and my wife and I were at my dads house helping to clean (due to my condition I really wasn’t much help here) in hopeful preparation of my dads eventual return home from surgery to have his gall bladder removed as well as the associated gall stones. It is this that is thought to be the underlying issues with his loss of appetite and general lack of nutritional intake. The surgery left him with delirium whose longstanding effects are unknown at this point though he seems to be coming out of it, but, his memory does seem to have taken a hit that combined with a long standing depression (that manifests as apathy more than anything else) really doesn’t bode well for a long term prognosis. If he was all there I believe he could muster enough of a fight to last a couple more good years but as is in the moments of dispassion doesn’t see him lasting into the new year. And those words he said for the first time tell me he feels the same way.

Jesus. How the fuck do I cope with this?
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

User avatar
Gob
Posts: 33642
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:40 am

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Gob »

I think the only time I ever said "I love you" to my mother was in the week before she died. We are not a demonstrative family, nor one who talks about feelings, never have been. Approaching endings bring a need to say these things.
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”

User avatar
Bicycle Bill
Posts: 9015
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 1:10 pm
Location: Surrounded by Trumptards in Rockland, WI – a small rural village in La Crosse County

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Bicycle Bill »

Never pass up an opportunity to tell a loved one that you do, in fact, love them.   :hug:   
You may not get another chance.

RIP, Katie Barefoot .... 1952 ~ 2020
   :(
-"BB"-
Yes, I suppose I could agree with you ... but then we'd both be wrong, wouldn't we?

Big RR
Posts: 14050
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 9:47 pm

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Big RR »

My family sounds much like Gob's, but I think that's par for the course with Scandinavian culture (and my parents were first generation Americans). However, although we rarely said it, and were not very demonstrative, I do not think any of us doubted we were loved and loved each other. To say so, might be uncomfortable for the person hearing it, and likely would not achieve the result we wanted; so we endeavored to show family members how we felt instead of telling them. I let many of my friends know exactly how I feel about them, but that would not have worked with my family; cultural norms are hard to transcend.

CP--the work you all put in to clean and get your dad's place in shape demonstrates your love, and even if your dad cannot consciously appreciate it, maybe he can on a subconscious level. Your continuing to be there and pitch in is a demonstration that speaks far more than words ever could; just be there for him as much as you can.

User avatar
Crackpot
Posts: 11265
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Crackpot »

He’s there still but the effects on his memory and his long standing depression are major roadblocks to his recovery. The stubbornness and apathy produced by them make the determination and vigilance required to make a recovery problematic at best and an impossibility at worst.

As things stand now there is a path that could result in halting the damage done and possibly regain many of his lost faculties. Unfortunately that involves steps that will literally be painful in the short term (it is painful for him to eat) Bit without proper nutrition his delirium and depression will just get worse.

The deck is stacked against my dad at this point and things look grim. Sure there is a chance that things may improve but it would be foolish to rely on that possibility. At this point it seems wildly optimistic to hope he can hold it together well enough that he can share one last family vacation with the grandkids.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

User avatar
Long Run
Posts: 6717
Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2010 2:47 pm

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Long Run »

Best of luck on this situation, CP. Sounds like you and your sibs are doing the best you can.

Big RR
Posts: 14050
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 9:47 pm

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Big RR »

What LR said.

User avatar
Crackpot
Posts: 11265
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Crackpot »

The good news is we just got word that he’s going to be taking an antidepressant that also stimulates appetite so here’s to hoping things will begin to look up.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

User avatar
TPFKA@W
Posts: 4833
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:50 am

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by TPFKA@W »

Crackpot wrote:
Mon Apr 19, 2021 8:12 pm
The good news is we just got word that he’s going to be taking an antidepressant that also stimulates appetite so here’s to hoping things will begin to look up.
Mirtazapine? I have handed out bucket loads of that over the years. I am sorry your dad's cheese has slipped off the cracker a bit, it is so common after the use of general anesthesia in the elderly. Sometimes they snap out of it and sometimes they do not. Generally it is thought that the dementia was going to happen anyway and the use of anesthesia jut potentiates/accelerates it.

I hope things improve for him but prepare for hard decisions just in case.

User avatar
Crackpot
Posts: 11265
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Crackpot »

Remeron.

I’m hopeful that this turn in taking a active role bodes well for his recovery but all we can really do is wait and see.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

User avatar
TPFKA@W
Posts: 4833
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:50 am

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by TPFKA@W »

Crackpot wrote:
Mon Apr 19, 2021 10:18 pm
Remeron.

I’m hopeful that this turn in taking a active role bodes well for his recovery but all we can really do is wait and see.
Same drug different name.

User avatar
Scooter
Posts: 16540
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 6:04 pm
Location: Toronto, ON

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Scooter »

That worked really well for me. I also put on 40 pounds while using it, so they aren't kidding about it stimulating appetite.
"If you don't have a seat at the table, you're on the menu."

-- Author unknown

User avatar
Gob
Posts: 33642
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:40 am

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Gob »

Slip him a spliff for his appetite, may as well enjoy himself. (Have one yourself too. )
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”

User avatar
Crackpot
Posts: 11265
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Crackpot »

Found his bong when we were cleaning his place.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

User avatar
Gob
Posts: 33642
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:40 am

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Gob »

My kind of old bloke!
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”

User avatar
Crackpot
Posts: 11265
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Crackpot »

My dad once told me “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Followed a few seconds later with a rather sheepish: “well that wouldn’t keep you from much.”
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

Big RR
Posts: 14050
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 9:47 pm

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Big RR »

He sounds like a great guy.

liberty
Posts: 4406
Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:31 pm
Location: Colonial Possession

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by liberty »

Crackpot wrote:
Mon Apr 19, 2021 1:16 am
This happened today when my brother and his wife and my wife and I were at my dads house helping to clean (due to my condition I really wasn’t much help here) in hopeful preparation of my dads eventual return home from surgery to have his gall bladder removed as well as the associated gall stones. It is this that is thought to be the underlying issues with his loss of appetite and general lack of nutritional intake. The surgery left him with delirium whose longstanding effects are unknown at this point though he seems to be coming out of it, but, his memory does seem to have taken a hit that combined with a long standing depression (that manifests as apathy more than anything else) really doesn’t bode well for a long term prognosis. If he was all there I believe he could muster enough of a fight to last a couple more good years but as is in the moments of dispassion doesn’t see him lasting into the new year. And those words he said for the first time tell me he feels the same way.

Jesus. How the fuck do I cope with this?
If I had any wisdom on the subject, I would have used it myself when my mother died. I know she is not coming back, but I still have trouble getting rid of her stuff.
I expected to be placed in an air force combat position such as security police, forward air control, pararescue or E.O.D. I would have liked dog handler. I had heard about the dog Nemo and was highly impressed. “SFB” is sad I didn’t end up in E.O.D.

User avatar
Long Run
Posts: 6717
Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2010 2:47 pm

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Long Run »

This was too spot on

Image

User avatar
Crackpot
Posts: 11265
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My dad told us he loves us

Post by Crackpot »

In some belted good news my dad has been back home and doing much better. (He really doesn’t do well in the hospital).

Things are looking good for him.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

Post Reply