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My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 1:16 am
by Crackpot
This happened today when my brother and his wife and my wife and I were at my dads house helping to clean (due to my condition I really wasn’t much help here) in hopeful preparation of my dads eventual return home from surgery to have his gall bladder removed as well as the associated gall stones. It is this that is thought to be the underlying issues with his loss of appetite and general lack of nutritional intake. The surgery left him with delirium whose longstanding effects are unknown at this point though he seems to be coming out of it, but, his memory does seem to have taken a hit that combined with a long standing depression (that manifests as apathy more than anything else) really doesn’t bode well for a long term prognosis. If he was all there I believe he could muster enough of a fight to last a couple more good years but as is in the moments of dispassion doesn’t see him lasting into the new year. And those words he said for the first time tell me he feels the same way.
Jesus. How the fuck do I cope with this?
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 6:31 am
by Gob
I think the only time I ever said "I love you" to my mother was in the week before she died. We are not a demonstrative family, nor one who talks about feelings, never have been. Approaching endings bring a need to say these things.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 7:03 am
by Bicycle Bill
Never pass up an opportunity to tell a loved one that you do, in fact, love them.
You may not get another chance.
RIP, Katie Barefoot .... 1952 ~ 2020
-"BB"-
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 1:16 pm
by Big RR
My family sounds much like Gob's, but I think that's par for the course with Scandinavian culture (and my parents were first generation Americans). However, although we rarely said it, and were not very demonstrative, I do not think any of us doubted we were loved and loved each other. To say so, might be uncomfortable for the person hearing it, and likely would not achieve the result we wanted; so we endeavored to show family members how we felt instead of telling them. I let many of my friends know exactly how I feel about them, but that would not have worked with my family; cultural norms are hard to transcend.
CP--the work you all put in to clean and get your dad's place in shape demonstrates your love, and even if your dad cannot consciously appreciate it, maybe he can on a subconscious level. Your continuing to be there and pitch in is a demonstration that speaks far more than words ever could; just be there for him as much as you can.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 2:09 pm
by Crackpot
He’s there still but the effects on his memory and his long standing depression are major roadblocks to his recovery. The stubbornness and apathy produced by them make the determination and vigilance required to make a recovery problematic at best and an impossibility at worst.
As things stand now there is a path that could result in halting the damage done and possibly regain many of his lost faculties. Unfortunately that involves steps that will literally be painful in the short term (it is painful for him to eat) Bit without proper nutrition his delirium and depression will just get worse.
The deck is stacked against my dad at this point and things look grim. Sure there is a chance that things may improve but it would be foolish to rely on that possibility. At this point it seems wildly optimistic to hope he can hold it together well enough that he can share one last family vacation with the grandkids.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 4:38 pm
by Long Run
Best of luck on this situation, CP. Sounds like you and your sibs are doing the best you can.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 5:26 pm
by Big RR
What LR said.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 8:12 pm
by Crackpot
The good news is we just got word that he’s going to be taking an antidepressant that also stimulates appetite so here’s to hoping things will begin to look up.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 9:31 pm
by TPFKA@W
Crackpot wrote: ↑Mon Apr 19, 2021 8:12 pm
The good news is we just got word that he’s going to be taking an antidepressant that also stimulates appetite so here’s to hoping things will begin to look up.
Mirtazapine? I have handed out bucket loads of that over the years. I am sorry your dad's cheese has slipped off the cracker a bit, it is so common after the use of general anesthesia in the elderly. Sometimes they snap out of it and sometimes they do not. Generally it is thought that the dementia was going to happen anyway and the use of anesthesia jut potentiates/accelerates it.
I hope things improve for him but prepare for hard decisions just in case.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 10:18 pm
by Crackpot
Remeron.
I’m hopeful that this turn in taking a active role bodes well for his recovery but all we can really do is wait and see.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 10:46 pm
by TPFKA@W
Crackpot wrote: ↑Mon Apr 19, 2021 10:18 pm
Remeron.
I’m hopeful that this turn in taking a active role bodes well for his recovery but all we can really do is wait and see.
Same drug different name.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 4:43 am
by Scooter
That worked really well for me. I also put on 40 pounds while using it, so they aren't kidding about it stimulating appetite.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 11:09 am
by Gob
Slip him a spliff for his appetite, may as well enjoy himself. (Have one yourself too. )
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 12:00 pm
by Crackpot
Found his bong when we were cleaning his place.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 12:12 pm
by Gob
My kind of old bloke!
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 1:07 pm
by Crackpot
My dad once told me “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Followed a few seconds later with a rather sheepish: “well that wouldn’t keep you from much.”
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 2:03 pm
by Big RR
He sounds like a great guy.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2021 2:38 am
by liberty
Crackpot wrote: ↑Mon Apr 19, 2021 1:16 am
This happened today when my brother and his wife and my wife and I were at my dads house helping to clean (due to my condition I really wasn’t much help here) in hopeful preparation of my dads eventual return home from surgery to have his gall bladder removed as well as the associated gall stones. It is this that is thought to be the underlying issues with his loss of appetite and general lack of nutritional intake. The surgery left him with delirium whose longstanding effects are unknown at this point though he seems to be coming out of it, but, his memory does seem to have taken a hit that combined with a long standing depression (that manifests as apathy more than anything else) really doesn’t bode well for a long term prognosis. If he was all there I believe he could muster enough of a fight to last a couple more good years but as is in the moments of dispassion doesn’t see him lasting into the new year. And those words he said for the first time tell me he feels the same way.
Jesus. How the fuck do I cope with this?
If I had any wisdom on the subject, I would have used it myself when my mother died. I know she is not coming back, but I still have trouble getting rid of her stuff.
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2021 7:30 pm
by Long Run
This was too spot on
Re: My dad told us he loves us
Posted: Thu May 27, 2021 6:58 pm
by Crackpot
In some belted good news my dad has been back home and doing much better. (He really doesn’t do well in the hospital).
Things are looking good for him.