Mines not a digger, but he does go looking for the biggest branch/log he can find to bring back. Chews on them too.
Labs are great dogs, sorry for your loss.
oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
I had the same experience being around smokers when I quit. Passed the initial anxiety you get a realozation along the lines of "I don't do that anymore what they do has no bearing on me"
It just sort of demystifies the act.
It just sort of demystifies the act.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
That's cool.
Got a three legged dog now, got her at a 25% off sale.
Actually she was a stray come up one day, not long after that she suffered some mysterious misshap and we had to lop off one of her legs (front right).
Great Mole hunter.
She barks at snakes (like they can hear). Matter of fact couple days ago I thought she had a Copperhead or a Rattler hemed up in the woods. I went to investigate. She found a Blue Racer that had just killed a squirrel and was fixin to eat it. That's not something I see everyday, not in the wild anyhow.
Wish she hadn't lost a leg though, would have loved to carry her rabbit hunting with us. She's afraid of thunder so she'd proly be gun shy anyway.
She sits there while possums eat her food, but let a Coon come up...
Got a three legged dog now, got her at a 25% off sale.
Actually she was a stray come up one day, not long after that she suffered some mysterious misshap and we had to lop off one of her legs (front right).
Great Mole hunter.
She barks at snakes (like they can hear). Matter of fact couple days ago I thought she had a Copperhead or a Rattler hemed up in the woods. I went to investigate. She found a Blue Racer that had just killed a squirrel and was fixin to eat it. That's not something I see everyday, not in the wild anyhow.
Wish she hadn't lost a leg though, would have loved to carry her rabbit hunting with us. She's afraid of thunder so she'd proly be gun shy anyway.
She sits there while possums eat her food, but let a Coon come up...
Sometimes it seems as though one has to cross the line just to figger out where it is
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oldr_n_wsr
- Posts: 10838
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:59 am
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Son of BEETCH, SHEET.
I'm int he middle of writing monday and tuesdays adventures and we get a power hit (big ass thunder boomer moving through right now). Of course I did not hit save at any time before it happened.
I'm int he middle of writing monday and tuesdays adventures and we get a power hit (big ass thunder boomer moving through right now). Of course I did not hit save at any time before it happened.
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oldr_n_wsr
- Posts: 10838
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:59 am
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Sorry, another long one. 
Monday roles around and the dog gets the normal size newspaper, has no need to tear it up and brings to me and he gets his treat. I'm up earlier than usual (7:30am) and I make coffe and sit down and read the newspaper waiting for my wife to finish her shower so I can take mine. I don't need to get to outpatient therapy group until 8:45am so there is plenty of time.
I arrive at IOP (Intense OutPatient therapy) and "share" (I need a different word rather than "share" as I just don't like it and it's use) with the group of my success vanquishing the demons of alcohol in the den of iniquity that is my brothers house on Easter Sunday.
The counselor gives me a breath test (are they valid some 14 hours it would have been after had I drank?) and it shows 0.00 however, some red light comes on that indicates that there is some kind of alcohol in me. All I need, I must be magic and absorb alcohol through my pores. 
After some questioning and investigation it turns out my breath spray has alcohol in it, carry it with me most of the time and that I sprayed my mouth upon entering the room.
This opened another can of worms. Seems my Listerene mouthwash also has alcohol in it and I use that every morning and night after I brush my teeth. Well duh!!! everyone knows Listerene (the tan stuff that looks and tastes like whiskey) has alcohol in it. Well, when one thinks about it it is painfully obvious, but when you has been doing the same routine (brushing, rinsing) for years with the same product, you barely even pay attention to what that product is (especially when your wife does most of the shopping) and even less so to what's in it. Had to go out and buy new, non-alcohol mouth rinse and my wife can finish up what we have left. Nothing more eventful happens and that evening I go to my AA meeting.
The meetings I go to on Monday and Friday are what I call my "home group" although I have not officially joined. One of my sponsors is a member there and I usually arrive early and help set up and stay after and help sweep up and return the tables and chairs to their original positions. And I usually pick up more than one other group member and bring them to the meetings as many have DWI's and are in sober houses and don't have a license and/or a car. These are my "unofficial" commitments. Sooner or later I will join this meeting as my home group, but for now this is working out.
So, I share (there's that word again) with the group my sobriety in face of the drunken horde and other members relate their stories and tactics for dealing with these types of gatherings. It really does help when you hear of others having similar anxiety going in and how it goes away when you realize you can do this. Of course there were some members who also have an opposite tale where they had to quickly excuse themselves from the situation. Definately a learning experience.
Onward (and downward) to Tuesday. The day begins pretty much like Monday except I don't wake up until around 8:30 when I kiss my wife goodbye (she works part time) and ready my coffee. Apollo, the ever efficient retriever, has already brought in the newspaper. I do my usual routine of reading the paper and drinking coffee. It looks like a nice day so I decide to take Apollo out for a walk. He loves going for walks and is usually over excited at the beginning of the stroll (have to revert back to training we took) and then tired at the end and has to be coaxed along. Today was no exception and he promptly came inside and fell asleep on his pillowbed.
IT was around this time I decided that I was going to buy a pint of vodka and drink it. I consiously decided not to call my sponsors nor any of my support group.I was drinking and that's that. So I go buy my pint of vodka the cheapest I could find, as I only have $5 (total came to $4.50), and return home. I finish off the pint in a couple of hours it feels good.
The last time I "fell off the wagon" back on March 20 or 21(seems to be a monthy thing) I felt guilt, remorse, shame, regret, all kinds of emotions that I did not like and that I thought might help keep me sober. But not this time, I made the decision to drink and to not do anything to help me stay sober. And afterward I had no remorse, no guilt, nothing but a buzz. And this scares me more than the guilt and other feelings. Only then did I call both my sponsors.
OF course both wished I had called before I drank, but gave some advice and pretty much said I needed to start the steps over again (I was only on step three moving onto step 4) so that's not bad (and even if I was on step 8, if starting over is needed then it's needed, I trust them). Went to a meeting with my sponsor that night where shared my "restart" and once again the people of AA welcomed me back with open arms and further support. This was a different group than my home group and I came away with new/additional people to call.
The next day was another IOP session where I owned up to my digression. Again, the people were supportive and the counselor wished I had called her before imbibing also. And then she said that even if I hadn't confessed they would have found out as it was my day to pee in a cup.
My counselor wants me to start coming on Tuesday in addition to my Monday, Wednesday and Friday sessions but that's another $13.50 for the session and around $4 for gas (now that gas is $4/gallon) to/from for the extra day. I am getting to the point I can't afford how much I'm going now let alone an extra day and told her so. She is going to check with her supervisor and see what we can do. Keep in mind I am not mandated to this program, that I checked myself in and can leave at any time (not that I want to).
Unemployment Insurance barely covers COBRA and my wifes only works part time (although she is looking for full time work). So far we have not really had to hit into savings but soon that will change as expenses are going up with no end in sight. Been riding the motorcycle wherever I can as 50-60mpg is better than 20-25mpg. Not much else we can cut out as we are bare bones as it is. Good thing we saved for about 6 months coverage (over and above the regular savings accounts) after the last time I got laid off. But I don't want to go under the assumption this will only be 6 months better to squeeze as much as one can out of what you have.
But the other question is "what's the cost of sobriety?" Maybe another AA meeting on tuesday mornings might help, but then there is thursday that is open also.
I've have been talking to other alcoholics, my sponsors and my wife as to the nature of this restart. A couple of theories have evolved. The first one is that I was rewarding myself for staying sober on Easter Sunday. This might hold some water as the last time I drank, I was pretty much rewarding myself for staying sober for a month (even got the coin). This prompted me to stop counting how many days I stay sober and only count to 1 each day. The flip side of this is how come I stayed at zero on tuesday? My wife seems to lean towards this theory.
The other theory is that all the crap that is going on in my life caught up to me. No job (and I went on a second interview on Friday and they said they would get back to me by Tuesday), a prostate biopsy a week from tomorrow (and I don't know if it's psychosematic (sp?) but I have been feeling some wierdness down there), and I need new calipers, pads and rotors on my car. All these things you would think I would have some anxiety attacks but I haven't so I've been thinking all is good and I am handling it all well. But, as was pointed out to me, that I am pretty good at burying things in my mind and we never know when they may bite us back. The IOP group leans toward this theory.
Monday roles around and the dog gets the normal size newspaper, has no need to tear it up and brings to me and he gets his treat. I'm up earlier than usual (7:30am) and I make coffe and sit down and read the newspaper waiting for my wife to finish her shower so I can take mine. I don't need to get to outpatient therapy group until 8:45am so there is plenty of time.
I arrive at IOP (Intense OutPatient therapy) and "share" (I need a different word rather than "share" as I just don't like it and it's use) with the group of my success vanquishing the demons of alcohol in the den of iniquity that is my brothers house on Easter Sunday.
The counselor gives me a breath test (are they valid some 14 hours it would have been after had I drank?) and it shows 0.00 however, some red light comes on that indicates that there is some kind of alcohol in me. All I need, I must be magic and absorb alcohol through my pores. After some questioning and investigation it turns out my breath spray has alcohol in it, carry it with me most of the time and that I sprayed my mouth upon entering the room. This opened another can of worms. Seems my Listerene mouthwash also has alcohol in it and I use that every morning and night after I brush my teeth. Well duh!!! everyone knows Listerene (the tan stuff that looks and tastes like whiskey) has alcohol in it. Well, when one thinks about it it is painfully obvious, but when you has been doing the same routine (brushing, rinsing) for years with the same product, you barely even pay attention to what that product is (especially when your wife does most of the shopping) and even less so to what's in it. Had to go out and buy new, non-alcohol mouth rinse and my wife can finish up what we have left. Nothing more eventful happens and that evening I go to my AA meeting.
The meetings I go to on Monday and Friday are what I call my "home group" although I have not officially joined. One of my sponsors is a member there and I usually arrive early and help set up and stay after and help sweep up and return the tables and chairs to their original positions. And I usually pick up more than one other group member and bring them to the meetings as many have DWI's and are in sober houses and don't have a license and/or a car. These are my "unofficial" commitments. Sooner or later I will join this meeting as my home group, but for now this is working out.
So, I share (there's that word again) with the group my sobriety in face of the drunken horde and other members relate their stories and tactics for dealing with these types of gatherings. It really does help when you hear of others having similar anxiety going in and how it goes away when you realize you can do this. Of course there were some members who also have an opposite tale where they had to quickly excuse themselves from the situation. Definately a learning experience.
Onward (and downward) to Tuesday. The day begins pretty much like Monday except I don't wake up until around 8:30 when I kiss my wife goodbye (she works part time) and ready my coffee. Apollo, the ever efficient retriever, has already brought in the newspaper. I do my usual routine of reading the paper and drinking coffee. It looks like a nice day so I decide to take Apollo out for a walk. He loves going for walks and is usually over excited at the beginning of the stroll (have to revert back to training we took) and then tired at the end and has to be coaxed along. Today was no exception and he promptly came inside and fell asleep on his pillowbed.
IT was around this time I decided that I was going to buy a pint of vodka and drink it. I consiously decided not to call my sponsors nor any of my support group.I was drinking and that's that. So I go buy my pint of vodka the cheapest I could find, as I only have $5 (total came to $4.50), and return home. I finish off the pint in a couple of hours it feels good.
The last time I "fell off the wagon" back on March 20 or 21(seems to be a monthy thing) I felt guilt, remorse, shame, regret, all kinds of emotions that I did not like and that I thought might help keep me sober. But not this time, I made the decision to drink and to not do anything to help me stay sober. And afterward I had no remorse, no guilt, nothing but a buzz. And this scares me more than the guilt and other feelings. Only then did I call both my sponsors.
OF course both wished I had called before I drank, but gave some advice and pretty much said I needed to start the steps over again (I was only on step three moving onto step 4) so that's not bad (and even if I was on step 8, if starting over is needed then it's needed, I trust them). Went to a meeting with my sponsor that night where shared my "restart" and once again the people of AA welcomed me back with open arms and further support. This was a different group than my home group and I came away with new/additional people to call.
The next day was another IOP session where I owned up to my digression. Again, the people were supportive and the counselor wished I had called her before imbibing also. And then she said that even if I hadn't confessed they would have found out as it was my day to pee in a cup.
My counselor wants me to start coming on Tuesday in addition to my Monday, Wednesday and Friday sessions but that's another $13.50 for the session and around $4 for gas (now that gas is $4/gallon) to/from for the extra day. I am getting to the point I can't afford how much I'm going now let alone an extra day and told her so. She is going to check with her supervisor and see what we can do. Keep in mind I am not mandated to this program, that I checked myself in and can leave at any time (not that I want to).
Unemployment Insurance barely covers COBRA and my wifes only works part time (although she is looking for full time work). So far we have not really had to hit into savings but soon that will change as expenses are going up with no end in sight. Been riding the motorcycle wherever I can as 50-60mpg is better than 20-25mpg. Not much else we can cut out as we are bare bones as it is. Good thing we saved for about 6 months coverage (over and above the regular savings accounts) after the last time I got laid off. But I don't want to go under the assumption this will only be 6 months better to squeeze as much as one can out of what you have.
But the other question is "what's the cost of sobriety?" Maybe another AA meeting on tuesday mornings might help, but then there is thursday that is open also.
I've have been talking to other alcoholics, my sponsors and my wife as to the nature of this restart. A couple of theories have evolved. The first one is that I was rewarding myself for staying sober on Easter Sunday. This might hold some water as the last time I drank, I was pretty much rewarding myself for staying sober for a month (even got the coin). This prompted me to stop counting how many days I stay sober and only count to 1 each day. The flip side of this is how come I stayed at zero on tuesday? My wife seems to lean towards this theory.
The other theory is that all the crap that is going on in my life caught up to me. No job (and I went on a second interview on Friday and they said they would get back to me by Tuesday), a prostate biopsy a week from tomorrow (and I don't know if it's psychosematic (sp?) but I have been feeling some wierdness down there), and I need new calipers, pads and rotors on my car. All these things you would think I would have some anxiety attacks but I haven't so I've been thinking all is good and I am handling it all well. But, as was pointed out to me, that I am pretty good at burying things in my mind and we never know when they may bite us back. The IOP group leans toward this theory.
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oldr_n_wsr
- Posts: 10838
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:59 am
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Side note
You guys think it would be better if I broke these long ones up into multiple posts with some time seperation between the posts?
You guys think it would be better if I broke these long ones up into multiple posts with some time seperation between the posts?
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Doesn't bother me and I usually bristle at long posts
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
oldr_n_wsr wrote:Side note
You guys think it would be better if I broke these long ones up into multiple posts with some time seperation between the posts?
I'm happy with them at that length mate, but do as you see fit.
I must admit my jaw hit the deck at this line;
God, I know that feeling, had it last night in fact. I was at a gig in town, watching this chap..IT was around this time I decided that I was going to buy a pint of vodka and drink it.
The kids running the bar didn't know that Laphraig is premium Scotch and were charging me the "happy shopper whisky" price.
I was damned if there was going to be any left in the bottle by the end of the gig! (There wasn't.)
Fortunately I'm not under the same strictures as you are.
Hen found it most amusing when she picked me up that i was now in love with not only the front man for the stranglers, but the whole of the support band. (Shame they are lezzers.)
Oh I got a fucking ENORMOUS Hangover this morning
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
oh, that support band BTW
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
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oldr_n_wsr
- Posts: 10838
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:59 am
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
You that's something I never really got no matter how much a drank. Soetimes I woudl wake up normal, sometimes still drunk and sometimes a little "foggy" but never the classic hangover that people talk about.Oh I got a fucking ENORMOUS Hangover this morning
Also never had blackouts, you know when you don't remember how you got from here to there or what you did the night before. While my memory the next day was cloudy, I could always piece it together.
And I was just thinking over Easter Sunday and it dawned on me how loud the rest of my family is. Damn I almost went deaf at dinner.
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oldr_n_wsr
- Posts: 10838
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:59 am
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
I said things written may jump around and I will get back to the chronological parts once again but not right now
Went to an AA meeting I have been going to every Thursday for about a month maybe longer with just one or two Thursdays where I went to a different meeting, usually because someone needed a ride and the other meeting was closer to where they were. And rather than me going 10-12 miles northeast of me to pick them up then coming all the way back past my house and continuing southwest for another five miles to the meeting (then retracing back after the meeting), we would find something in their area.
Anyway, I am really starting to like this meeting and the people in it. They also have a Monday meeting that I am going to attend, only problem is the group I call my "home group" meets on Mondays also. I have been getting a little tired at some of the whining that occurs at that meeting and the stories of "how tough my day is and my daughter hates me and my husband won't have sex with me..... but it's all ok because I stayed sober today". This new one is more of how the members stay sober and not just "do the steps". Of course that's always at the forefront, but it's about sobriety and how each keeps it is different. And people there actually admit that they had fun when they were drinking (at the beginning at least) or how they liked drinking and probably still like it today if they had a drink. Saying things like that are almost taboo at some meetings. They look at you like you had two heads if you dare say you had some great times that might have even been better than the times you have while sober.
Plus this new group is what they call an "old time" AA meeting (which doesn't mean all the members are old, some are but most are younger than me) and they are a little more hands on when it comes to working the steps with their sponsees (sp?). Figure I'll give it a try for the next few mondays (and still go on thursdays) and see if I still like their style and the people in it better than my current group. Also, this group is a little smaller than the Monday meetings of my old group. I find myself gravitating toward smaller groups.
Went to an AA meeting I have been going to every Thursday for about a month maybe longer with just one or two Thursdays where I went to a different meeting, usually because someone needed a ride and the other meeting was closer to where they were. And rather than me going 10-12 miles northeast of me to pick them up then coming all the way back past my house and continuing southwest for another five miles to the meeting (then retracing back after the meeting), we would find something in their area.
Anyway, I am really starting to like this meeting and the people in it. They also have a Monday meeting that I am going to attend, only problem is the group I call my "home group" meets on Mondays also. I have been getting a little tired at some of the whining that occurs at that meeting and the stories of "how tough my day is and my daughter hates me and my husband won't have sex with me..... but it's all ok because I stayed sober today". This new one is more of how the members stay sober and not just "do the steps". Of course that's always at the forefront, but it's about sobriety and how each keeps it is different. And people there actually admit that they had fun when they were drinking (at the beginning at least) or how they liked drinking and probably still like it today if they had a drink. Saying things like that are almost taboo at some meetings. They look at you like you had two heads if you dare say you had some great times that might have even been better than the times you have while sober.
Plus this new group is what they call an "old time" AA meeting (which doesn't mean all the members are old, some are but most are younger than me) and they are a little more hands on when it comes to working the steps with their sponsees (sp?). Figure I'll give it a try for the next few mondays (and still go on thursdays) and see if I still like their style and the people in it better than my current group. Also, this group is a little smaller than the Monday meetings of my old group. I find myself gravitating toward smaller groups.
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
You're not going to make friends admitting that....oldr_n_wsr wrote:You that's something I never really got no matter how much a drank. Soetimes I woudl wake up normal, sometimes still drunk and sometimes a little "foggy" but never the classic hangover that people talk about.Oh I got a fucking ENORMOUS Hangover this morning
:
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
O-n-W wondered...
It's a helluva lot cheaper than the alternative.But the other question is "what's the cost of sobriety?" Maybe another AA meeting on tuesday mornings might help, but then there is thursday that is open also.
Your collective inability to acknowledge this obvious truth makes you all look like fools.
yrs,
rubato
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
I would HATE to give up my listerine. The thought of drinking it for it's alcohol is just appalling.
My dad was once sent away on a retreat to treat his alcoholism. I remember he was very, very angry that the listerine was tipped down the sink upon arrival. He had terrible gingivitis and badly needed it. I honestly do not believe that he would ever have thought about drinking it either.
My dad was once sent away on a retreat to treat his alcoholism. I remember he was very, very angry that the listerine was tipped down the sink upon arrival. He had terrible gingivitis and badly needed it. I honestly do not believe that he would ever have thought about drinking it either.
Bah!
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oldr_n_wsr
- Posts: 10838
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Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
While I have never thought about drinking it, I have heard some stories.
I rehab they wouldn't even let us have caffinated coffee. Never did get an explanation for that.
Off to a double AA meeting. Beginers at 7pm, Open Discussion at 8:15pm.
I rehab they wouldn't even let us have caffinated coffee. Never did get an explanation for that.
Off to a double AA meeting. Beginers at 7pm, Open Discussion at 8:15pm.
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Kitty Dukakis admitted to drinking nail polish remover because she was so desperate for alcohol. That's the kind of thinking the rehabs are concerned about when they ban all alcohol-containing products. Listerine now makes an alcohol-free version, luckily.
I think the ban on high-octane coffee is to attempt to break all addictions. Billions of people are addicted to caffeine, of course.
I think the ban on high-octane coffee is to attempt to break all addictions. Billions of people are addicted to caffeine, of course.
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
~ Carl Sagan
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Oh .....My ..... God.
That is more desperate the I ever thought anyone would be.
That is more desperate the I ever thought anyone would be.
Bah!
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Cor, I bet she had white teeth..bigskygal wrote:Kitty Dukakis admitted to drinking nail polish remover because she was so desperate for alcohol.
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
No prob, O-n-W, everyone's recovery is different. I've received no, as in zero physical hugs (for that admission) and on my first day was twice called a drunk. Still happens.
Now, I'm told I'm not trying hard enough; although I've shown improvement. It's just different worlds we move in.
Now, I'm told I'm not trying hard enough; although I've shown improvement. It's just different worlds we move in.
Last edited by loCAtek on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
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oldr_n_wsr
- Posts: 10838
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:59 am
Re: oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure
Talked to teh counselor today and it's come on tuesdays (in addition to monday, wednesday and fiday) or be discharged. They can do that as I peed in the cup and came up positive and you sign papers agreeing to a discharge if you come up positive. They try not to discharge and woudl rather work with you. So I'll be going to tuesdays also as I am not ready to stop the 3 times a week sessions just yet.dales wrote:O-n-W wondered...
It's a helluva lot cheaper than the alternative.But the other question is "what's the cost of sobriety?" Maybe another AA meeting on tuesday mornings might help, but then there is thursday that is open also.