Plan B Forum

Vowing to close the "concealed carry loophole", President Obama today announced a series of executive orders requiring that those who are at risk from cancer must obtain government approval and pass a series of proficiency tests before they can possess or carry tumors.

"We are losing too many of our youngest and brightest, as well as the oldest and most useless, to various carcinomas, blastomas and cytothingies," he said. "Congress has done nothing. It's time for this office to make sure no one gets cancer without working very hard for it"

President Obama is 93

After the announcement was made, the cancer rate increased in southern states and a leaking nuclear power plant in Alabama was occupied by gun toting Obama haters.