Denmark to buy USA!

ex-khobar Andy · Post by **ex-khobar Andy** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 11:49 am

According to the New Yorker:

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”

“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.

I've always liked Carlsberg. I could handle that.

Gob · Post by **Gob** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 12:18 pm

Stealing that.

RayThom · Post by **RayThom** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:26 pm

wesw · Post by **wesw** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:42 pm

Greenlanders wuld be able t0 0wn their h0mes if they j0ined the US

Denmark culd j0in t00!!!!!!!

and n0rway!!!

give the basques freed0m!!!! catal0nia f0r stateh00d!!!!

ex-khobar Andy · Post by **ex-khobar Andy** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 3:06 pm

Tell them to get in line, wes. Washington DC and Puerto Rico were here first.

wesw · Post by **wesw** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 3:36 pm

wesw · Post by **wesw** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 3:37 pm

DC ?

uh...., N0!!!!!

Scooter · Post by **Scooter** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 3:47 pm

Too many black people to be considered Americans, wes?

wesw · Post by **wesw** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:04 pm

nah..., t00 many queers.....

Scooter · Post by **Scooter** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:16 pm

At least, unlike the Log Cabin Republicans, you have come to accept that you have to hate LGBT people in order to support Trump.

wesw · Post by **wesw** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:24 pm

nah, just y0u, c00ter...., just y0u......

wesw · Post by **wesw** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:25 pm

and dn t y0u dare speak ill 0f my l0dge br0thers!!!!!!

Scooter · Post by **Scooter** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:29 pm

wesw wrote:nah, just y0u, c00ter...., just y0u......

If it's just me, then why does "too many queers" in DC disqualify it from becoming a state?"

Remembering what you've written from one post to the next would be easier if you didn't post after shooting up heroin.

wesw · Post by **wesw** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:42 pm

it is t00 easy....

get y0ur panties 0ut 0f a bunch, penel0pie....

y0u re getting a big girl n0w.....

put 0n y0ur big girl dress and head d0wn t0 the l0cal m0sque f0r s0me fell0wship....

peace be 0n y0u....

a piece 0f y0u here...., and a piece f y0u there.....

Scooter · Post by **Scooter** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:50 pm

wesw wrote:I'm s0000000 high.

I'm t00 spaced 0ut to feel my t0ngue.

I'll just keep banging 0n the keyb0ard and pretend t0 be making sense.

FTFY

Scooter · Post by **Scooter** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 6:43 pm

Exhausted Americans petition Greenland to purchase US instead

WASHINGTON – Millions of fed-up Americans have petitioned the autonomous Danish territory of Greenland to purchase the 243-year-old waning superpower for better healthcare, democratic representation, and fewer international embarrassments.

“Please, save us Greenland!” said Nora Blithe of Raleigh, North Carolina. “We’ll be your province or protectorate or whatever. I just need better healthcare coverage because my country doesn’t seem to care about me dying.”

The petition, which already has garnered 158 million signatures, calls for the removal of helpless American institutions like the US Congress and the electoral college and replaced with Greenland’s multi-party legislature and a proportional representation voting system.

“I find Premier Kim Kielsen has a more effective policy on gun control in a place where you actually need guns,” said Forest Abelman of Portland, Oregon. “Also, I don’t think the Premier called Jews disloyal to their religion if they didn’t vote for him, or referred to himself as the ‘Second Coming of God,’ so being Greenlandish sounds great to me!”

At press time, the Government of Greenland has disappointed many Americans by rejecting a separate petition calling for President Donald Trump to be placed on one of its many melting glaciers.

MajGenl.Meade · Post by **MajGenl.Meade** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 7:26 pm

I guess no Danish with the covfefe.

Trump tweeted on Tuesday that "based on Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen's comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting scheduled in two weeks for another time".

RayThom · Post by **RayThom** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:57 pm

"Trump tweeted on Tuesday that "based on Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen's comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting scheduled in two weeks for another time".

And I bet she's so upset hearing that spiel. How will she ever govern faithfully and judiciously again?

Bicycle Bill · Post by **Bicycle Bill** » Wed Aug 21, 2019 11:20 pm

MajGenl.Meade wrote:I guess no Danish with the covfefe.

Trump tweeted on Tuesday that "based on Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen's comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting scheduled in two weeks for another time".

No, he called off the trip after they wouldn't waive his greens fees, give him the start time he wanted, or let him play from the ladies' tees at the Copenhagen Country Club.

-"BB"-

MajGenl.Meade · Post by **MajGenl.Meade** » Thu Aug 22, 2019 10:06 am

And no M&Ms. (Multi-Mulligans)

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