Plan B Forum

• Dear Mr. President:
  
  Speaking as the canine soldier who was instrumental in the attack on ISIS, I thank you for your invitation to the White House.
  
  I may have no choice. I am a soldier, who goes where he is told.
  
  However, if my feelings matter at all, I would prefer not.
  
  The problem as I see it is that even as you praise me for my service and seek a photo opportunity with me to benefit your political fortunes, you continue to talk trash about my species. Your historical and lifelong use of us as a negative metaphor includes many cases of people lying like dogs, being beaten like dogs, or running away like dogs. The worst thing you say about the women of your species is that they're ugly as dogs, and you just now said that the terrorist you sent me and my human companions to neutralize wept like a dog, whimpered like a dog, and cowered like a dog.
  
  I'm frankly offended, sir. I think this makes you a jerk.
  
  I am also aware that a fine representative of my species was offered to your son Barron as a gift, which I figure should have been well appreciated given the social isolation he must experience, there in the White Kennel with no other puppies close to his own age. A dog would have been delighted to help him out. That's our nature, sir. You refused the gift. There is testimony from people who know you that you mock your staffers who have dogs, considering pet ownership "low class."
  
  Frankly, sir, I can imagine any number of reasons why a responsible and generous human being might choose to not share his life with a dog, among them insufficient time to care for us, or (shudder) a preference for cats. But the evidence that you think of us as less than human, when we are simply other than human and in a few ways more generous than human, is substantial.
  
  Dogs are good at sensing things. Trained, we can sense bombs, drugs, oncoming seizures, danger, cancer, emotional need on the part of our people. We also sense when people are afraid of us, which depending on our own character we either respond to with threat displays or with extra compassion. We have put any number of frightened people at their ease. We are good at that, sir. And we are also good at knowing when we should be more frightening, not less.
  
  Mostly, we can tell when the people we meet can't be trusted.
  
  The idea that we could be fawned over and praised by someone who also hates us is something we are well familiar with.
  
  Plus, we happen to know of many human veterans, who fought for this country, who you then deported in defiance of their service records; humans who showed you dedication and deserved your loyalty, only to be cruelly betrayed. Believe me, sir, dogs know all about this. We talk. We despise the untrustworthy humans who behave this way. Many dogs have experienced it, themselves.
  
  If forced to visit you, I will be polite. This I owe to the humans I consider my comrades and family. But I will not be happy about it, sir. I will consider it an unpleasant duty, a lot like going to the vet only without feeling better afterward. I will feel the shame you seem to associate with dogs every second of the ordeal. I deserve more, for risking my life for a cause I frankly don't even understand: a lot, in fact, like some of my two-legged friends in uniform, who have expressed similar confusion.
  
  But I deserve more, sir.
  
  I am looking forward to my moment on the Oval Office rug.
  
  Signed,
  
  CODE NAME REDACTED
  

A photo tweeted by Donald Trump on Wednesday is getting dogged by accusations that the pic is the very definition of fake news.

The image shows the president putting a medal around the neck of a Belgian Malinois credited with helping to capture and kill Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, leader of the so-called Islamic State.

However, the photo didn’t really happen. Someone Photoshopped a picture of the hero dog over an Associated Press photo of 2017 Medal of Honor recipient James McCloughan, according to The Washington Post.

This side-by-side photo will show the similarities.

Although Trump tweeted the photo, it originated on the Instagram page of the conservative news outlet the Daily Wire.

The hero dog has never been to the White House and is back on duty despite being injured by an electric cable during an explosion, according to U.S. Central Command.

HuffPost reached out to the White House for comment on the decision to post a doctored photo, but no one immediately responded.

McCloughan seemed OK with being photoshopped out of a pic in order to honor the dog’s heroism.

The 73-year-old war hero told The New York Times that he interpreted the tweeted photo as the president recognizing the dog’s heroism and was not offended.

But many Twitter users had a bone to pick with the decision.

The 73-year-old war hero told The New York Times that he interpreted the tweeted photo as the president recognizing the dog’s heroism and was not offended.

Lord Jim wrote:
On a list of offensive things Trump has said or done, this doesn't make the top 10,000...

• The dog probably enjoyed its visit with Trump.
  
  If there's one thing I know about dogs: they love the smell of an asshole.

Unfortunately being an incompetent boorish idiot with a room temperature IQ is not impeachable.