https://www.brookings.edu/blog/fixgov/2 ... y-dinners/Six ways to handle Trump’s impeachment during holiday dinners
Darrell M. West
It is a holiday dinner and all hell is about to break out in the dining room. One of your relatives asks what you think about the President Donald Trump impeachment proceedings. There is silence around the table because your family is dreading what is about to happen. Everyone knows Uncle Charley loves Trump while cousin Betsy detests him.
Divided families are relatively common in the United States. According to
Eitan Hersh of Tufts University and Yair Ghitza of Catalist, 30 percent of households are divided in the partisan leanings of the spouses, [That was the situation in our household until The Age Of Trump] 30 percent are Republican-only, 25 percent are Democrat-only, and 15 percent are Independent-only.
Our current divisions over Trump led cartoonist Walt Handelsman of the New Orleans Advocate to publish a script showing family members having solid dividers between them at dinner time to separate those with views ranging from “Trump 2020” and “Stop the Witch Hunt” to “Impeach Trump” and “Believe the Whistle Blower”.
I know this political reality because it is the story of my life. As noted in my book,
Divided Politics, Divided Nation: Hyperconflict in the Trump Era, my two sisters support Trump while my brother and I worry about his personal contentiousness and wrong-headed policies. I grew up on a dairy farm in rural Ohio where the politics were very conservative, yet moved away from those views during my adulthood. The book recounts how our family and the country as a whole became more polarized over the 40 years from Reagan to Trump.
So with the holidays coming up, how should you handle political conversations about Trump at Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s? Based on my experience, there are six ways for getting through the holidays with your relatives and friends.
Avoidance
The classic way to navigate controversial topics is to avoid them entirely. This is the “see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil” strategy. Little good comes out of political conversations because people feel intensely about those subjects and are not very tolerant of individuals who have views at odds with their own perspectives. Schools spend considerable time teaching young people about tolerance and mutual respect, but many people do not practice those virtues on topics about which they feel strongly.
Confrontation
With the strong views people have about Trump’s impeachment, though, it is hard to avoid the topic entirely. Even with those who dislike him, it is hard not to talk about him because he makes so much news, loves to say controversial things, and is fun to psychoanalyze. In those situations where the topic arises, confronting those who disagree with you is a tempting approach. Just be aware that your ability to persuade someone with whom you disagree is quite limited and you likely are going to feel frustrated or angry at the end of the conversation.
Finding a friend and side-stepping the issue
If avoidance and confrontation are out as possible strategies, another avenue is to only talk to people at dinner who share your political views. You can suss out people’s viewpoints with seemingly innocuous comments like “what a wild time we are having these days” and await the response. If the person answers with a sympathetic viewpoint, you can bask in the glory of someone who shares your opinions and reaffirms your existing opinions. Sometimes, nothing is better than having confirmation that you are not out of your mind and there are others who share your perspective on public affairs.
Actual listening [Yeah, good luck with that one...]
The hardest approach is listening to those who have opposing viewpoints without seeking to persuade them. It always is tempting to believe if you present some vivid fact or clear opinion that the other person will convert to your view. In today’s contentious world, though, conversion rarely happens. People who are undecided may alter their views but those with strongly held views are not likely to switch from being a Trump supporter to opponent or vice versa.
In my family, I find it helpful to hear opposing viewpoints and how those opinions are formed in order to understand the sources of Trump’s support and why many do not want him impeached. As a longtime political analyst, I need to understand why people in the rural Midwest feel left behind and see the need for someone like Trump who seeks to shake things up. Many of my relatives don’t like the status quo and feel the system is rigged against them, and it is useful for me to understand why those views lead them to stand with the president.
My siblings and I gave up trying to persuade each other decades ago. As far back as the Ronald Reagan presidency, our political views diverged and we recognized if we wanted to have family peace, we could discuss politics but not try to persuade the other of the rightness of our own views. If you separate discussion from persuasion, it eases the entire atmosphere substantially by lowering the overall stakes of the conversation.
Focusing on the undecideds
You may get lucky and find someone at a holiday gathering who genuinely is undecided about Trump. If that happens, you should seize the moment and actually seek to influence him or her. If that person really doesn’t know how he or she feels about Trump’s presidency, putting some facts on the table and explaining why you think Trump has abused (or not abused) his office and obstructed (or not obstructed) justice can be productive. Of course, truly undecided people in America are rare on the subject of Trump and probably number less than 10 percent. But if you encounter one from this group, you should take that as a valuable opportunity for persuasion. The 2020 election ultimately will depend on those who right now are ambivalent in their political feelings.
Humor
If all else fails, humor may be the last resort. Political jokes are abundant on the internet and in social media, and you can defuse confrontational situations that are spiraling out of control. Rather than see your family arguing around the dinner table, you can try humorous asides that deflect the anger and move the conversation toward a lighter touch. On the “The Daily Show”, for example, host Trevor Noah told the audience that cheered after he announced the impeachment inquiry, “Melania, stop cheering!”. Sometimes, humor is the best antidote for a divided family.
How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
Presented without endorsing or opposing any of the suggestions...(You see, I'm a natural born peacemaker... )
- Bicycle Bill
- Posts: 9030
- Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 1:10 pm
- Location: Surrounded by Trumptards in Rockland, WI – a small rural village in La Crosse County
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
And if none of these work and it comes down to hurt feelings, shouting, ultimatums, family dissolutions ("I have no son. No son of MINE is going to be a Trump supporter. You are DEAD to me!!"), or even violence, at least make sure someone is getting it all on their iPhone so it can be posted to social media. You might as well get someone out of it, even if it is nothing but likes on Facebook or retweets on Twitter.
-"BB"-
-"BB"-
Yes, I suppose I could agree with you ... but then we'd both be wrong, wouldn't we?
- Bicycle Bill
- Posts: 9030
- Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 1:10 pm
- Location: Surrounded by Trumptards in Rockland, WI – a small rural village in La Crosse County
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
Know Your Stuffing!
What your Republican loved ones will try to feed you this Thanksgiving, and what you can bring to the table.
What your Republican loved ones will try to feed you this Thanksgiving, and what you can bring to the table.
-"BB"-
Yes, I suppose I could agree with you ... but then we'd both be wrong, wouldn't we?
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
well, years ag0 I f0und an 0bama 08 pin....
red white and blue....
attractive pin....
s0 I w0re it yesterday.
peace 0ffering...
red white and blue....
attractive pin....
s0 I w0re it yesterday.
peace 0ffering...
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
I've always found a combination of avoidance and humor works; avoidance for those who will cooperate, and humor for those who won't. IMHO, confrontation makes no sense at a social gathering, and listening very little as well, as the discussion is just a rehash of the same positions again and again. I hae some good friends on the other side of the aisle I am happy to have political discussions with because it is an actual discussion, and others with whom I share positions whom I would rather never discuss anything with because they do not, and think it best to leave such discussions out of a social occasion, at least until the cigars and cognac come out and people can relax and discuss things more calmly (most of the excitables just can't relax enough to have a cigar or a cognac).
- Sue U
- Posts: 8570
- Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:59 pm
- Location: Eastern Megalopolis, North America (Midtown)
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
At our house we got into a dispute over whether the Republican Party could possibly be rehabilitated once its leadership is imprisoned or whether it would have to be disbanded entirely.
GAH!
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
Why didn't you try something easy, like "What would president pence be like after Trump resigns"? Sure, it's not going to happen, but it's more likely than the imprisoning of the republican leadership. I'd welcome either or both, but this is the real world.
- Sue U
- Posts: 8570
- Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:59 pm
- Location: Eastern Megalopolis, North America (Midtown)
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
Pfffffft, we've got space no one's using at Gitmo.
GAH!
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
Space? I'd keep them in my basement and feed them at my expense (what's food and water cost?) if I thought it woudl help.
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
*Lowers the basket*Big RR wrote:Space? I'd keep them in my basement and feed them at my expense (what's food and water cost?) if I thought it woudl help.
It puts the twitter device in the basket or it gets the hose again
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
my kid made me take 0ff the 0bama pin.....
he was embarrassed when I talked t0 the black guy at the r0yal farms st0re....
I humored him
kids....
he was embarrassed when I talked t0 the black guy at the r0yal farms st0re....
I humored him
kids....
- Bicycle Bill
- Posts: 9030
- Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 1:10 pm
- Location: Surrounded by Trumptards in Rockland, WI – a small rural village in La Crosse County
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
I see that the 'O' key is still acting up only randomly.wesw wrote:my kid made me take 0ff the 0bama pin.....
he was embarrassed when I talked t0 the black guy at the r0yal farms st0re....
I humored him
kids....
Don't worry, if you're a good boy Santa will maybe bring you a new keyboard.
Ooops ... on second thought, maybe not. That's liberal socialism in action again, getting something that you did not earn or pay for yourself.
-"BB"-
Yes, I suppose I could agree with you ... but then we'd both be wrong, wouldn't we?
Re: How To Handle Impeachment at The Holiday Dinner Table...
eddieq wrote:*Lowers the basket*Big RR wrote:Space? I'd keep them in my basement and feed them at my expense (what's food and water cost?) if I thought it woudl help.
It puts the twitter device in the basket or it gets the hose again
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
~ Carl Sagan