Plan B Forum

During his press conference (or announcement, whatever it was called) he said this:

“I have slipped and called people honey, sweetheart and darling,” he added. “I meant it to be endearing, but women found it dated and offensive.”

I'm 72, Cuomo is 63. That sort of behavior was dated and offensive when I started work so the excuse is a little thin.

Lauren Boebert (you know, the gun-toting R from Colorado) could not help tweeting.



There's a thing about glass houses which springs to mind. Of course her political mentor / guru / role model is one D Trump who has far more accusations, and far worse, than Cuomo. And Rep Boebert's husband Jayson exposed himself to a couple of teenage girls (he was himself then a teenager) in a bowling alley in 2004 and pled guilty to indecent exposure and was treated to four days in jail.

I've always liked Andrew Cuomo. He seems like a guy with a big ego and probably has a lot of enemies but he is a good man for the job of governor of New York, in my opinion. There's absolutely no excuse for what he has been accused of doing but it really bothers me that Trump was elected when people who voted for him knew he had a history of doing the same kinds of things that Cuomo has been accused of doing.

I know this thread is about Cuomo but I'd like to add one off-topic thought: I don't like to wish bad things on people but I've made an exception in the case of Trump that I'd like to repeat. He should die. And just to be clear, for me to be happy I don't need him to experience a painful death as long as he just dies. Maybe someone could see to it that he dorme con il pesce...

One of those rare occasions when I wholeheartedly agree with Joe Guy.

I am deeply disappointed in Andrew Cuomo, I feel the same level of crushing disappointment as I did when Eliot Spitzer turned out to be a reckless philanderer. Both did a lot of terrific work on behalf of the people of New York (and for that matter the nation), and the totally avoidable self sabotage that took them away from effective public service positions is maddening.

And I also say a quiet prayer each day that the cheeseburgers will finally catch up with the Donald.

His policies, which were directly opposite of other governors, were directly responsible for the deaths of thousands of senior citizens from COVID, and there is clear evidence that he attempted to cover it up. These are some pretty big black marks to overcome.

I am personally happy that the democratic leadership did not try and justify (or more likely blame the women) his actions like they did with Clinton. Either your stand for something or you don't, and they democratic party shows where it stands; there is absolutely no excuse for this nonsense.

Who was the feminist that volunteered to give bill Clinton a blow job every day to keep him on track? Why were the women who accused Bill Clinton, all liars?

If not for double standards, they might have none.

ex-khobar Andy wrote: ↑

Tue Aug 10, 2021 8:33 pm

“I have slipped and called people honey, sweetheart and darling,”

I call women "darling" all the time, especially older ones.

Did you do that with colleagues around the office?

Yep, or at least I did when I worked.

ex-khobar Andy wrote: ↑

Tue Aug 10, 2021 8:33 pm

During his press conference (or announcement, whatever it was called) he said this:

“I have slipped and called people honey, sweetheart and darling,” he added. “I meant it to be endearing, but women found it dated and offensive.”

I'm 72, Cuomo is 63. That sort of behavior was dated and offensive when I started work so the excuse is a little thin.

Well, I happen to think that professionalism in the workplace is a goal to strive for — you know, Mr. This or Ms. That, or possibly a first-name basis among colleagues of approximately the same status — but if someone happens to let a term of endearment like 'sweetie' or 'honey' slip out, especially after that person just did you a solid, I don't feel that this is justification for being crucified in the town square.   (although it's clear to even me that this is not the only reason Cuomo's feet are being held to the fire.)

And for that matter, what about when it goes the other way?  I can't count how many times, especially in the American south, that I've had waitresses who don't know me from Adam's cat address me as 'hon', 'sweetie', 'dear'. or 'big guy' when taking my order.  Should I be leaping to my feet and taking immediate umbrage as well?

-"BB"-

99 times out of 100 that waitress is addressing every customer the same way, regardless of sex or age, which makes it clear that she is being friendly and no more. And the same applies in reverse; if you are using the same forms of address for women and men, whether 30 or 80, no one is going to think twice about your intent.

Another difference is, there is a big difference between a colleague or customer or whatever using those terms and your boss (or your boss's boss). When you are in charge, you have to be extra sure that you avoid that sort of behavior--you need that kind of "distance" to lead or manage effectively and you don't want your words to be taken out of context. But face it, Cuomo did things that are much worse than calling someone "hon" and richly deserved his fate. Now I hop the NY legislature shows everyone how to impeach an executive, even though he is no longer in office, disqualifying him from running again. No one should have to suffer harassment just because the guy doesn't get it; hell I'm older than him and I get it.

Scooter wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 11, 2021 10:58 am

99 times out of 100 that waitress is addressing every customer the same way, regardless of sex or age, which makes it clear that she is being friendly and no more. And the same applies in reverse; if you are using the same forms of address for women and men, whether 30 or 80, no one is going to think twice about your intent.

This.

My grandmother addressed almost everyone as ‘dear,’ and it is a habit my mother picked up to some degree and I have as well. I don’t use it in court of course, but have used it to address colleagues with whom I have a cordial relationship, clients, strangers I encounter in the everyday activities of life - I’ve called many store clerks dear, for instance.

Tone and source matter a lot and I’ve never sensed anyone being affronted by it, but I use it in a very different way than I’ve witnessed it used and been on the receiving end of it. ‘Dear’ on its own is relatively harmless, but ‘dear + a leer, or a grope’ is another thing altogether.

It doesn’t take a lot of sophistication to work out the difference and arguments that suggest the rules are obscure are largely distracting and diverting by folks who want to preserve the space for creepy sex pest ways.

It's all about context and particularly the context of power relationships. In Baltimore, everyone is "hon." In the office, no one is. Otherwise, it's fine to be friendly; just don't be a creep. If you don't know where that line is, you may be a creep.

Sue U wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:57 pm

It's all about context and particularly the context of power relationships. In Baltimore, everyone is "hon." In the office, no one is. Otherwise, it's fine to be friendly; just don't be a creep. If you don't know where that line is, you may be a creep.

That goes along with “don’t be an ass,” too.

Pretty simple guidance. If you have to think about it (or defend it), then you’re the problem.

Gob wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 11, 2021 6:08 am

ex-khobar Andy wrote: ↑

Tue Aug 10, 2021 8:33 pm

“I have slipped and called people honey, sweetheart and darling,”

I call women "darling" all the time, especially older ones.

In nursing this behavior was deemed abusive a long time ago. Do try and keep up with the times.

Gob wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 11, 2021 6:08 am

I call women "darling" all the time, especially older ones.

But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
You never even called me by my name

Personally, I just call people 'hey you' until I know their name and can use it. I don't call anyone sir or madam, darling or anything else until I know which gender they've decided to identify with. I would feel deep guilt and embarrassment if I called someone 'sir' who had chosen to be a woman and was in the first stages of transition. And I don't want to face major liability problems for triggering someone's gender choice criticism-induced PTSD.