Celebrating a Lifetime of Marriage
Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 7:24 pm
August 16 was my 40th anniversary.
It is often said that making a marriage work for a long time is "difficult," but the fact is, I don't do difficult very well. If it wasn't easy, I would have bailed sometime in the past 40 years.
Among my living siblings, my marriage is the "newest." My sister got married in 1960, and older brothers in 1966 and two in 1968. One brother is deceased and the rest of us are still married to the same people.
My marriage has lasted so long for the following reasons, in no particular order:
I married a young woman who had no experience in dating or playing relationship "games," due to a very restricted upbringing (e.g., picking a meaningless fight so that I would have to apologize). Indeed, our first official "date" occurred after we were engaged. Since the games were eliminated, so was much of the unnecessary emotional turmoil that goes with the early stages of a relationship. We had a common enemy: my mother-in-law, and that helped to keep us united.
We exchanged significant compromises in totally different areas of our existence. I put up with her family's bullshit (spending every holiday with them and being "pleasant," attending weddings, birthdays, funerals, first communions, and graduations for people I didn't know and sometimes didn't like). She was willing to try everything I wanted to do. Having done NOTHING while growing up, she, at my prodding, learned to swim, ride a bike, play tennis, and play golf. She began and continues to exercise with me, ride my motorcycle, go to church, and vacation pretty much wherever I want. I occasionally can be talked into taking dance lessons.
Despite having family traditions to the contrary, she has been willing to work full time throughout our marriage, thus ensuring an income that pays for all of my indulgences and we never have to fight about money. We live modestly and have more money than we need.
We both have major faults and we have significantly different attitudes and approaches to a lot of things, but we pretty much accept what we now know will never change.
I often find myself reminding people that one never knows whether a marriage will end in divorce until one of the people is dead. Regardless of how long you have been married, it is a work in progress.
It is often said that making a marriage work for a long time is "difficult," but the fact is, I don't do difficult very well. If it wasn't easy, I would have bailed sometime in the past 40 years.
Among my living siblings, my marriage is the "newest." My sister got married in 1960, and older brothers in 1966 and two in 1968. One brother is deceased and the rest of us are still married to the same people.
My marriage has lasted so long for the following reasons, in no particular order:
I married a young woman who had no experience in dating or playing relationship "games," due to a very restricted upbringing (e.g., picking a meaningless fight so that I would have to apologize). Indeed, our first official "date" occurred after we were engaged. Since the games were eliminated, so was much of the unnecessary emotional turmoil that goes with the early stages of a relationship. We had a common enemy: my mother-in-law, and that helped to keep us united.
We exchanged significant compromises in totally different areas of our existence. I put up with her family's bullshit (spending every holiday with them and being "pleasant," attending weddings, birthdays, funerals, first communions, and graduations for people I didn't know and sometimes didn't like). She was willing to try everything I wanted to do. Having done NOTHING while growing up, she, at my prodding, learned to swim, ride a bike, play tennis, and play golf. She began and continues to exercise with me, ride my motorcycle, go to church, and vacation pretty much wherever I want. I occasionally can be talked into taking dance lessons.
Despite having family traditions to the contrary, she has been willing to work full time throughout our marriage, thus ensuring an income that pays for all of my indulgences and we never have to fight about money. We live modestly and have more money than we need.
We both have major faults and we have significantly different attitudes and approaches to a lot of things, but we pretty much accept what we now know will never change.
I often find myself reminding people that one never knows whether a marriage will end in divorce until one of the people is dead. Regardless of how long you have been married, it is a work in progress.
)
Well said; I've been married since Dec.31, 1967, through a lot of ups and downs, and I agree completely. Keep on working on that work-in-progress, it's worth it!