Not sure what to do about this...

[Lord Jim]

Since the Holidays, we've had Denise living with us..

She's a good kid, ("kid" is probably the wrong term; she's 28 years old, she's one of Kelly's cousins, I think of her as a "kid" because I've known her since she was 3) she went through a bad break up with a real loser so she's been staying with us...

And I don't mind at all having her stay with us; she's family, and she gets along great with Tati, and Jimmy's crazy about her...

But she's a bright young woman, (she's halfway through her nursing degree) who ought to be getting on with her life; I feel like we're taking advantage of her here as a sort of live-in au pair/maid/data entry assistant...

She and Kelly also get along really well, and as I said I've known her since she was a tiny tot, so I really haven't had a problem giving her my opinion...I want her to get back into school...

When I tell her that, she takes it the right way and agrees with me...but I get push back from Kelly and Tati; they think I'm being "insensitive" and acting like I want to kick her out (which I absolutely don't want to do...as far as I'm concerned she's welcome to stay with us as long as she wants...)

I just think she can do better than being our "Mr. French" and after four months it's time for her to get over the bad relationship and start realizing her potential...

Does that make me the bad guy?

[Rick]

No good intention ever goes unpunished

[Long Run]

Sounds like everyone's intentions are good, so as much as many of us would like to call you an insensitive neanderthal, we'll have to wait for another opportunity. Similarly, after only four months, we can't say your better halves are "enabling" your cousin to avoid making decisions and moving on. If she still seems stuck after a year, then check back.

[Lord Jim]

Well, I guess being an insensitive jerk (being a male I suppose that's just natural) to me four months seems like an eternity for getting over a relationship...(Kelly and Tati are much more tuned in to what she's going through on that score than I am...)

But she could finish up her degree at UCSF (which is about a 10 minute drive from here) and continue to live with us while she did that...

I've talked to her about it, and she's getting the paper work together to start classes in the fall...

And in the mean time I have promised the women folk around here that I won't talk about it any more...

[TPFKA@W]

Make some remark to Kelly about how attractive this young lady is, something sort of innocuous, perhaps how you like the way she wears her hair or somesuch. Betcha won't take long for Kelly to encourage her to get on with her life.

[Joe Guy]

Well Jim... it's never easy on us guys. Men are always the voice of reason around a group of females. That's the role we are born to play.

Of course, timing and method are very important. Even a guy can mess that up if he's not careful.

For example, if you're all at the dinner table and Denise says, "Jim, could you please pass the corn?" and you respond. "Pass? As in pass a college course? Which reminds me, when you going back to school?"

Or if every time you walk by her you say, "You know... only a moron would not finish school and get a degree", and then you pull a graph out of your pocket and show her how statistically she's much better off with a college degree than people who sit home and collect welfare.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you aren't doing that.

You've done the right thing. It will take a highly illogical amount of time for Kelly and Tati to get past empathizing with the emotions involved in a break up. However, if there is any justice in this world, some day Denise just might thank you...

(after she moves out in 2038)

[rubato]

Fall is a long ways away. For her own independence she should get a job so she has more of a financial cushion.

Getting into a particular RN program is not certain, she should apply to several and have a backup plan. I think UCSF is a masters program it only takes people who already have a BA or BS. But if she already has the BA/BS she can take the RN exam in one year and go on to nurse-practitioner.

Yrs,
Rubato

[Lord Jim]

Make some remark to Kelly about how attractive this young lady is, something sort of innocuous, perhaps how you like the way she wears her hair or somesuch. Betcha won't take long for Kelly to encourage her to get on with her life.

Hmm....

She is cute, and come to think of it, Kelly does seem to be pretty "attentive" when Denise is downstairs helping me in my office...

But seriously, I've known her so long I really have a sort of fatherly relationship with her...(her own father took off a long time ago; her mother has a good job over in the East Bay, and would let her move back in...but I know her mother, and she's a tough lady; the move in would come with a daily dose of guilt and "I told you so"... I don't think that would really be helpful...she's depressed enough already...)

Again, I have no desire to push her out; she's family and she's an excellent house guest;(she's helpful and appreciative, she's not bringing drama, she doesn't do drugs, and she only drinks socially) I just want her (for her own sake) to start getting her life together...

Jim... it's never easy on us guys. Men are always the voice of reason around a group of females.

Man, don't I know it...truer words were never spoken....

[Crackpot]

I know with the likes of Sue, Guin, RB and Daisy around it's a wonder any any reasoned point round here at all.

[Lord Jim]

For her own independence she should get a job so she has more of a financial cushion.

She has some savings, and in addition to room and board, and we pay her of course for the help she gives us, both around the house and with my work ($200 a week, which I'm sure is less than she could make full time even doing temp work, which is something else I've suggested)

She doesn't have much of a social life; she has one girlfriend that she goes out with occasionally, and Kelly and Little Sister take her out to do girl stuff, ( hair, nails, shopping, stop off for a drink...the usual girlie stuff) but otherwise she pretty much just hangs with us, so she doesn't have much in the way of expenses...

I personally feel that we're making it too easy for her not to get her act together, and that bothers me because I care about her and I know that she has the brains and potential to accomplish more.

[MajGenl.Meade]

She is cute, and come to think of it, Kelly does seem to be pretty "attentive" when Denise is downstairs helping me in my office...

Hmmm.... not long before you fund her lawsuit against her parents to force them to pay for her nursing education then?

[Gob]

Man, your on to a good thing don't rock the boat. A maid, babysitter, domestic help, and eye candy on the cheap? Send her to us if you don't want her.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Without seeing photos first?

[dgs49]

At the very least, she should be doing some volunteer work at a local hospital or Old Farts residential facility - better if it is compensated.

Fall is a long way off. If she were serious she would be looking at Summer courses.

28 is not a child. She needs someone to kick her in the ass - but that's probably not you.