Serious: Walker Recommendations Anyone?

[Joe Guy]

Have you considered a humorous walker, Joe?

One made out of rubber and used only on April 1st?

Good idea.

On Halloween I'll tell my mother I'm taking her to a therapist to have her walker fitted and take her to House of Humor instead.

[loCAtek]

I dig scooters!

The Depot had one for the customers, and fetching it from the parking lot meant you got to ride it in. Woo-Hoo! Easier than a tricycle to operate and quite strong in fact too. What they lack in speed, they make up for in torque and all that fun is highly addictive.

Something about the 'forward' control of the handlebars, you knew from when you were a kid, is very empowering and I recommend it over a wheelchair.

[Gob]

Or how about a whoopee walker?

Every time you take a step with it, it makes a fart sound....

hilarity ensues....

Oh god. There used to be an old boy who lived in the same street as me when I was a child, he was as deaf as a post. Our gang of kids used to follow him (at a safe distance) as he used to fart every third step or so. Real howlers they were, like someone throttling Donald Duck or stepping on a toad.

The best times to watch were if he caught someone in the street to "chat" at, not to, at. He'd shout so loud people in the next county would complain, and his speeches were all punctuated with farts.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Funny (not) thing is that I know a 58 yr old woman who has emphysema and requires oxygen every night and some days, but can't quit smoking.

My mom died of lung cancer. Smoked til her last day on earth. Couldn't quit.

[Lord Jim]

God, I love the internet....it's so educational....

Here is a Q&A with way more than you ever wanted to know about farts:

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

It contains the answers to such esoterica as whether or not fish fart, and how long it takes a fart to reach the nostrils...

Here are a few examples of what you can learn on this website:

Why do farts make noise?

The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. Contrary to a popular misconception, fart noise is not generated by the flapping of the butt cheeks.

How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever.
Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls.

Do men fart more than women?

No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.
I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.

Is it true that cow farts contribute to global warming?
Recent research has shown that most methane produced by cows and sheep emerges from the mouth rather than the anus. So one could more accurately say that cow and sheep belches are contributing to global warming. New Zealand researchers are investigating methods of breeding methane-free sheep

[Rick]

God, I love the internet....it's so educational....

Here is a Q&A with way more than you ever wanted to know about farts:

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

It contains the answers to such esoterica as whether or not fish fart, and how long it takes a fart to reach the nostrils...

Here are a few examples of what you can learn on this website:

Why do farts make noise?

The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. Contrary to a popular misconception, fart noise is not generated by the flapping of the butt cheeks.

How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever.
Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls.

Do men fart more than women?

No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.
I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.

Is it true that cow farts contribute to global warming?
Recent research has shown that most methane produced by cows and sheep emerges from the mouth rather than the anus. So one could more accurately say that cow and sheep belches are contributing to global warming. New Zealand researchers are investigating methods of breeding methane-free sheep

I'm guessing this was posted in the wrong location...

[Lord Jim]

I'm guessing this was posted in the wrong location...

No...

What we have here is a classic case of "topic drift".....

A lot of serious worthwhile information was offered...

And then things got a bit silly...(no harm in that)


Dale suggested a comedy walker, I suggested a "whoopee walker", Strop recounted a story of an experience he remembered about an old chap with a flatulence problem....

I happened upon that, The Complete Story Of Farts website nearly by accident... (I was looking for a story that I recalled from a few years ago; about a group of elderly French ladies who's collective flatulence was so toxic that they were banned from the local art gallery on the grounds that their methane output was ruining the paintings)

And that's how we got here.

[loCAtek]

So, the board is obsessed with farts, is it?

[oldr_n_wsr]

Isn't everyone?

[Sue U]

Back to the subject: Joe, you might want to try calling your local Durable Medical Equipment dealer and have them come around your mom's house with a number of different samples to try. Most DMEs are very accommodating.

[Gob]

Without wanting to sound like I'm being contrary, I would advise taking advice from an independent qualified health worker, as posited before, before going down Sue's route. A sales person is after a sale, not necessarily the best item for your mum.

[Andrew D]

I agree. Your mother should be fitted for a walker by a medical professional who has full access to your mother's relevant medical records.

It may not be just a matter of height, weight, and limb lengths. Someone with osteoporosis may need to be fitted differently from someone without it. Foot problems, knee problems, hip problems, spine problems, shoulder problems -- all of them could be relevant factors. Eyesight issues, balance issues -- there is a whole host of things that could make the difference between a walker that enables your mother to function at the best of her present capabilities and a walker that might, in the long term, make her worse off than she already is.