Plan B Forum

-"BB"-

Was that a Vermont teddy ?

If you right click on it and open it in a new tab, there are a whole bunch of weird/odd pix available.

Love... it's disposable.

Goodbye to treacly commercial pseudo-sentimentality.


Now go start a fire in the barbeque.


yrs,
rubato

That's exactly the reference I was trying to make, Meade.
It could be the soundtrack of my life.

-"BB"-

Bicycle Bill wrote:That's exactly the reference I was trying to make, Meade.
It could be the soundtrack of my life.

-"BB"-

Join the club; we are minion.

... and then you die.

To paraphrase Debbie Harry, "Once I had a love... turned out to be gas." I carry too much emotional baggage to fully allow someone into my life. I stopped looking for the concept of true love sometime during my early twenties. I learned that self-medication worked best and dulled the pain of my psychosocial ineptitude. Much later, and years into complete sobriety and blissful singlehood, I only tried marriage because my 'ex' thought it was a good idea. (I did, however, get the most wonderful daughter out of that unholy union and couldn't ask for a more loving father/daughter dynamic.) And of course, I learned that divorce is expensive because it's worth it.

Except for two quasi/pseudo relationships since the divorce I know positively and absolutely that love for me is so elusive that I no long dwell upon it. I accept my "aloneness" (I'm rarely lonely) as just part of who I am and it does not define me as a loser or misfit.

I have found out that when speaking more openly around younger women to whom I'm attracted, that the term "friend with benefits" doesn't repel as it once did. Many women (separated, divorced, single) are now looking for sex in a non-committed relationship, or as I refer to it -- close companionship. Love and sex are no longer synonymous and (safe) sex without love can be enjoyed void of social or religious stigma.

I can now safely say that love is for those who truly feel they need it. For me, and millions like me, "all you need is... like."

You should check out Party for One: The Loner's Manifesto - it's very positive and affirming.

I can count on one hand the marriages/committed relationships that I have ever envied; no offense to those who choose coupledom, but I find that kind of familiarity breeds much contempt and I have too much I want to do that I'm not willing to give up in compromise to watch football or action movies. (Yes, I'm being a bit facetious.)

Seriously though, I'm on a dating website now and looking for friends with benefits or love with lots & lots of personal space.

There are more singles in the USA now than there are marrieds, we are legion.

BoSoxGal wrote:There are more singles in the USA now than there are marrieds, we are legion.

That's what I thought you meant when you posted "we are minion" above, but I was too polite to say anything about it.

-"BB"-

"all you need is... like."

Like, like, like
Like, like, like
Like, like, like

There's nothing you can do that can't be done alone
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung solo
Nothing you can say about how two play the game
It's easy, take one away.

all you need is... like.
all you need is... like
all you need is... like Like
like is all you really need.

It’s your very own bike.
Solo, one-up, personal bike, bike
Tandems just are not for everyone.

lyrically yrs,
rubato Happily single and now happily married.

Bicycle Bill wrote:

BoSoxGal wrote:There are more singles in the USA now than there are marrieds, we are legion.

That's what I thought you meant when you posted "we are minion" above, but I was too polite to say anything about it.

-"BB"-

Yeah, my MS brain sometimes goes haywire when I search the database for a word. Sometimes with humorous results!

To each his own, of course, but I've found familiarity breeds closeness and intimacy and many many wonderful shared times. It's also eye opening. I've learned a LOT from my Swede, and he from me. No marriage required, either.

I'm perfectly fine on my own, and I will always be financially and fiscally independent, have my own life and my own house (we each do, and always will), but I do enjoy sharing with him and I think we enhance each others lives.

Living separately and visiting often is appealing, and so that doesn't fall into the category of relationships I'm thinking of when I cringe or say 'familiarity breeds contempt'.

There are a lot of men who wouldn't be comfortable with a financially independent woman who chooses to remain in her own home, and there are a lot of women who don't want that either, they'd rather move in as soon as possible.

If you live separately from your partner, it's much harder for stereotypical gender roles regarding housekeeping to come into play; you might cook for him at his house, or he cooks for you at your house, or you cook together at whichever house . . . but those problems of the greater share of housekeeping tasks falling to the female in a typical hetero coupling (as many studies show remains the norm, even among highly educated, progressive younger couples) doesn't arise so much.

eta: I can't stand joint Facebook pages. BrendaJohn Smith, et al. I think that's just fundamentally sad in so many ways. If I ever lost my individuality/independence that much in a relationship, I think I'd want to kill myself.

That's because men and women often have different standards for "dirty" and "clean". As it is in my house my wife has little tolerance for clutter but has admitted that when I get it in my head to actually clean I do a far better job than she ever does. (She only laments that that only comes annually at best). Though I'm sure she's happy that her decision to get us a new bedroom set for our tenth anniversary has put me in cleaning mode (except for the fact I'm demanding she go through 5 years of her accumulated stuff and discard what she no longer needs/wants (I'm doing that for my/our stuff))

I've found it's easier to clean up other people's messes (I mean clutter, not the other kinds of messes) than my own. Part of it is a lack of attachment to things, since they aren't mine.

I've never attempted this within a relationship because it appears that I am incapable of HAVING a relationship in that manner. I feel sorry for whatever relatives will have to deal with my house when I pass on, though I guess there are companies that do that nowadays.

As for gender roles, several of my (male) married friends do the cooking for the household, because they're a lot better at it and enjoy doing it. But I know several male friends that can't even manage toast. My Dad wasn't particularly good at cooking because he was basically told by his mother that it was not his duty to learn, and he never HAD to- he moved out of his parents home the day he married my Mom. Many years later my Dad did have to fend for himself due to unaccompanied months-long business trips (long enough that he ended up getting apartments at some of them) and it was basically take-out and TV dinners. Or fried bologna sandwiches, because my Mom refused to make them. Me, I can cook to some extent- it's just that cooking for one is fairly difficult to manage portion control, so my range is fairly limited.

I love my wife. I love everything about her.
While I always have however, "distractions" (aka alcohol) got in the way for many years.
I try and make things better each day. Some days I accomplish that, some days I don't, but the effort is still there.

My wife does the house cleaning. She's a stickler for neatness/cleanliness and I don't come close no matter how I try. I take care of the outside of the house, yes that means the outside of the windows too.

Cooking inside is hers, cooking outside is mine (unless it's breakfast, then it's me cooking inside).
Usually the seasons dictate who does the dinner cooking. Lots of bar-b-queing in the spring/summer/fall so that's all me.

I think I'll stick with Mrs Mc. We'd each find it too hard to break in another one.

oldr_n_wsr wrote:I love my wife. I love everything about her.
While I always have however, "distractions" (aka alcohol) got in the way for many years.
I try and make things better each day. Some days I accomplish that, some days I don't, but the effort is still there.

My wife does the house cleaning. She's a stickler for neatness/cleanliness and I don't come close no matter how I try. I take care of the outside of the house, yes that means the outside of the windows too.

Cooking inside is hers, cooking outside is mine (unless it's breakfast, then it's me cooking inside).
Usually the seasons dictate who does the dinner cooking. Lots of bar-b-queing in the spring/summer/fall so that's all me.

This sounds like a reasonably effective balancing of life chores, which while somewhat gender-stereotypical, at least appear to provide some balance - she does the laundry & housecleaning and never has to worry about auto maintenance or lawn mowing or garbage or things that break around the house, etc.

What I've seen in many of my friends' relationships is the woman doing all of that woman stuff, and the man playing video games or watching sports while the 'honey do' list grows exponentially and the grass is two feet tall. I might be exaggerating a bit, but not a lot. Too many of my friends seem to have kids and then their oldest kid, a/k/a husband. That model holds zero appeal.

I'd love to find a man who enjoys my cooking and appreciates my willingness to tidy his house and do other nice things for him (did I mention I'm starting massage school in 3 weeks?), and in exchange would do nice things for me - take me out to yummy dinners, interesting shows, on trips to Europe, on his yacht, etc.

I'm pretty sure I'll always want to keep my own place and the majority of my time for myself. Perhaps I'm just greedy, but I like my own company and I have a very long bucket list . . . this could change if I find somebody I really enjoy being with that often/much. My mind is open . . . but I certainly don't make it a primary objective of my life, nor is it a source of regret. It's gravy if it happens, but the roast of my life is tender and juicy as is.