What A Rectal Orifice!

[dales]

First this man shot a bald eagle. Then he ran it over with his ATV.

Rachel Weiner, The Washington Post

Published 11:18 am, Tuesday, July 11, 2017

A bald eagle had been eating fish from his pond and hunting small game on his property in Smithfield, Va., and Allen Thacker was not pleased.

So on March 13, the 62-year-old tried to scare the bird away with a warning shot from his Remington .22 caliber rifle, according to court records. When that failed, he shot to kill.

But the adult male eagle, shot through the pelvis and the left wing, was still alive. So Thacker then drove over the bald eagle, an official national symbol of the United States, with his red Yamaha Big Bear all-terrain vehicle.

At first Thacker denied killing the eagle, according to prosecutors. But a witness saw Thacker circle and run over the eagle at least three or four times and then drag the bird into the woods.

So Thacker ultimately acknowledged what he had done and took investigators from the Virginia Department of Game and Inland Fisheries Conservation to the body of the bird.

According to court documents, Thacker later told agents with the United States Fish and Wildlife Service "that too much emphasis is placed on bald eagle protection because the birds are a menace and ... that people with whom he associates feel the same way."

Thacker pleaded guilty Tuesday in Norfolk federal court to violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act. He faces up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine.

He must also hand over to the government the rifle and $960, or half the value of the ATV, according to a forfeiture order.

An attorney for Thacker did not immediately return a request for comment.

[BoSoxGal]

Orifice - but otherwise, I agree!

Bald eagles CAN be pests - I once watched a bald eagle rip one of my landlord's free range chickens to shreds. Nevertheless, they ARE protected - and despite the fact that they are now a species of least concern, a remarkable example of conservation efforts - I doubt they'll lose that status considering they are the national emblem.

[Lord Jim]

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."

Judge: "Proceed."

Man: "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I knew that if I followed the eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the eagle. I figured that since I killed the eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."

Judge: "The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony."

15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.

Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don't mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste like?"

Man: "Well, your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe kind of a cross between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl."

[BoSoxGal]

Good joke, LJ.

[dales]

Orifice - but otherwise, I agree!

I just corrected my misstake.