Now I get the village idiot's beliefs about shitty asses

[Scooter]

Gay guys know how to keep their butts clean. Some straight guys, apparently not so much:

Some Guys Are So Afraid of Being Gay They Don’t Even Wipe Their Own Butts

Every super-duper “totes masc” macho man knows that putting anything between your butt cheeks makes you instantly gay, especially if that thing is a sparkly g-string, a finger or another man. But apparently some ultra-masculine men are so unwaveringly heterosexual that they aren’t wiping butts, even their own! And they won’t put toilet paper or even soap between their butt cheeks. No sir!

David Futrell — the writer behind We Hunted the Mammoth, a website that skewers contemporary misogyny — pointed out this gross phenomenon by sharing a tweet in which a woman’s boyfriend explains (quite angrily) that he doesn’t wipe after using the bathroom because “a real man doesn’t go in between his cheeks or spread them open for anything.”

God, we hope this woman made up this story about wiping butts.

Okay. So my husband is turning me off. We’ve been married for two months. What should I do? He wears white briefs. When I was washing the clothes, the whole seat of his underwear had brown stains in them. It made me sick. Then once … I was riding him, then after we were done and he got up, there was a brown streak where his ass had been on the bed.

So I finally got some personal cleansing cloths and put them on top of the toilet. He never touched them. I finally mentioned the personal cleansing cloths. He got pissed and screamed in my face. He told me that a real man doesn’t go in between his cheeks or spread them open for anything. Men do not spread their cheeks to wipe or clean … nothing goes between them.

What needs to happen here? Suggestions? Advice? No bashing!

We’d find it hilarious if his butt-phobic homophobia didn’t negatively affect his seemingly reasonable partner. And god help them if they have any pets — poor things.

Just know this, all straight and LGBTQ readers: cleaning your butt doesn’t make you gay or bisexual — we promise. You can clean your butt. You have our blessing. We won’t tell.

[BoSoxGal]

There's an argument for cohabitation before marriage if I ever saw one.

[Crackpot]

That has to be an excuse to cover up some sort of copraphilia

[Bicycle Bill]

That has to be an excuse to cover up some sort of copraphilia

A fetish about coconut husks?

Copra (or khobara) is the dried meat or kernel of the coconut, which is the fruit of the coconut palm (Cocos nucifera). Coconut oil is extracted from copra, making it an important agricultural commodity for many coconut-producing countries. It also yields de-fatted coconut cake after oil extraction, which is mainly used as feed for livestock.

The word you were going for is 'coprophilia', from the Greek word κόπρος (anglicized spelling 'kopros'), translated as 'dung'.
Incidentally, there is a mineral known as coprolite, which is pretty much nothing more than fossilized dinosaur turds,

-"BB"-

[Scooter]

Whatever. The village idiot clearly has a thing about the shit in other guys' asses, so I figured this would interest him.

[Joe Guy]

[RayThom]

Dingleberries.

Disgusting.

[ex-khobar Andy]

On a similar note, I didn't realize this was a thing until I was listening to a sports call in show during a long lonely drive somewhere. (Indiana, probably.) I don't recall how the conversation took this turn, but apparently real men NEVER sit down to pee. Now I sit down to pee all the time (TMI, I hear you say) because it's comfortable, less splashing and you don't risk making a mess on the seat or the floor. But the conversation got quite heated with women calling in "I wish my husband would sit down" and guys saying "I never sit down to pee!" I think they viewed it as some sort of assault on their manliness.

As I say, I didn't know it was a thing.

Edited to add this PS: I hope the husband never gets an enlarged prostate.

[RayThom]

... Now I sit down to pee all the time...

So do I -- doctor's orders.

I've been warned about not lifting anything heavy.

[Joe Guy]

The water is much too cold....

and deep...

[rubato]

gee thanks! And to think I could have gone to me grave and never heard of this.


thanks scooter!


yrs,
rubato

[MajGenl.Meade]

you don't risk making a mess on the seat or the floor

I must not be doing it right