Plan B Forum

Your very own thread!
Now maybe we can keep the nastiness out of oldr's...

loCAtek wrote:Actually, I did say to Oldr, to be careful what you say to some people, through no fault of their own, they really don't know what you're going through and expect it to be over soon "If you'd just..." Interestingly, I noted a lot of similarities between alcoholism and PTSD; troops returning from the desert and their families are counseled 'not to expect someone to quickly return to normal.", you have to be patient. With alcoholism and PTSD - "Everyone's recovery is different" ...and relapse restart can and will happen at just about anytime. The most common mistake friends and family will make is to get frustrated and demand, "When are you going to get over it?" or "How long are you gonna be like this!?" or "I thought you were over this by now!?" or "You're just not trying, are you?"

In spite of the fact, that from the first, I repeatedly, politely asked Hen, and I quote, "Don't try to fix me, you'll only get frustrated" unquote. That she chose not to listen to that, is not due to my not trying with what I knew of my and others past experiences. Therefore, I accepted her and BSG's requests not to discuss issues with them last year, and I went on to other options over eight months ago. BSG and I remain friends, while once a month or so, Hen continues to try and tell me how I should fix myself. We could still be friends and she wouldn't be frustrated, if she would just listen to what I said in the first place.

On a good note, the only issue, I have right now is the drinking. Work is going well; finances are stabilizing; the BF and I are doing better than ever; I may have the time and money this year for a vacation and I have bunnies again [yay!] As an added extra bonus, owlito season is approaching!



Alpha Dog will possibly, maybe , could be back from the ME in the summer, and I noticed last R & R, he's started drinking Coronas ...and he's never liked beer much before except for social occasions. He's been very accepting of my alcoholism- even ribbing me with the nic 'Wineho' LOL I hope to be there for his PTSD, when he returns.

You can even have the thread title changed if you like!

LOL see Sean, i always knew you were a mate!

Did you ever see my coming out alkie thread on CSB?

Of course I did. I was one of those who offered you help and support.

OK FWIW now that it's here and not there..........

Lo, I don't like all these bickerings. Whoever "starts", it is the person who finishes that does well. Your big post above would be very much better if it simply didn't contain that second paragraph. Much more pertinent IMO

As to AD, if he's drinking Corona he still doesn't like beer

Meade

Seriously, very well gents; how else do I prepare folks for the frustration?

Lo, one of you first emails to me requested the following:

Long story short, I'd like some input on relationships since .... [snip]

You then began to send me more and more emails from you upbringing to your love life.

You occasionally sniped at Gob to me on those mails, but you kept that fairly minimal.

I provided to you what I thought was reasonable advice to "baby step" some of the major issues in your life.
No steps were taken.

You also told me that everyone who gets close to you ends up hating you. For the past couple of months you seem to be doing everything in your power to make that come true. It won't happen.

When I asked you to stop your sniping posts to Gob my interest was picqued as to whether any of the advice I had given you had been taken.

It would appear that it hasn't and all you want from "friends" is for them to listen and given sympathy.

However, like I told you when we first exchanged the emails that are your life, I am not a "sit and listen" person.

How do you prepare folks for frustration?

Don't ask for their advice if you have absolutely no interest in changing your life.

loCAtek wrote:Seriously, very well gents; how else do I prepare folks for the frustration?

What folks ya be preparin Lo?

Just curious...

LOL Hen, I was depressed I was losing my boyfriend, but he came back and that didn't seem to make a difference to you months later.

keld feldspar wrote:

loCAtek wrote:Seriously, very well gents; how else do I prepare folks for the frustration?

What folks ya be preparin Lo?

Just curious...

Anybody, I tell my full story to.

I may write a book some day, it seems to be that unusual.

loCAtek wrote:LOL Hen, I was depressed I was losing my boyfriend, but he came back and that didn't seem to make a difference to you months later.

Your boyfriend, your mother, your childhood, lots a shit Lo. You have truly had a hard and tough life. I accept that totally.

But when you specifically do nothing with all potential areas you could fixmsimply and without the Ned for a psychiatrist, you did nothing.

I admit I shouldn't have PMed you all those months later. I think I was pissed to the max of all your baiting posts to my husband.

I had asked you to stop, you didn't, I wanted to hurt you in some manner. Bringing up issues that I knew would be unresolved with you was very inappropriate of me and I apologize unreservedly for that.

What step will you take Lo?

loCAtek wrote:Seriously, very well gents; how else do I prepare folks for the frustration?

I'm no expert so it's all IMO. IMO, people don't need preparing for "Hen" or "BSG" or whoever to do/say anything at all. The problem is a paragraph which doesn't speak of issues experienced but instead pokes at personalities. She did this... I said this... she did that...

If it's necessary to discuss how (anonymous) folks sometimes don't get the point - that's all well and dandy. But is it at all necessary to name names and the piling on continues? It cuts both ways. As I said, it takes something more to "finish" than to "start". I'm not always the best taker of my own advice.

My suggestion is to drop it. Speak to the point and not to personalities. You'll feel better. I guarantee.

Barkeep! Prov 25:21-22 all round!
Meade

Good advice, Genr'l I should have consulted you first.


Hen: I know, fair game, Nothing you knew about doesn't equate to nothing at all. you didn't know about the monk, 'eh?

I'll take one step after the other; as has always been my way, as stated that doesn't mean it's about you.

loCAtek wrote: I'll take one step after the other; as has always been my way, as stated that doesn't mean it's about you.

Wise words Lo, but you have shown to everyone on this Board that you DO think it is all about me.

Simply typing those words does not convince me that you actually mean it when I view your postings over the past days.

LOL I post about lots of other things, orale pues. if you'd pay attention.

Lo, I apologized to you for my thoughtless and hurtful PM after you refused to stap your Gob-baiting posts.

You on the other hand are still baiting.

Do you honestly think I your "one step at a time" platitudes are believable?

You also mouth that you are not a "hater", but honestly, your posts say differently.

Peace.

Anybody, I tell my full story to.

Why they gonna be frustrated?

Always the curious...

Keld, generally it's because they be controlling, and nothing frustrates the controlling more than the uncontrollable.

keld feldspar wrote:

Anybody, I tell my full story to.

Why they gonna be frustrated?

Always the curious...

Lo wrote:In spite of the fact, that from the first, I repeatedly, politely asked Hen, and I quote, "Don't try to fix me, you'll only get frustrated" unquote.

The ultimate rudeness. Lo requires you to read her voluminous, six or more e-mails every-fucking-day, bleating on and on and on and on, about how hard done by she is, yet any offer of advice is dismissed. She doesn't want to change anything she just wants people to indulge her constant self obsession, and to support her in her victimhood and martyrdom.

That's why

None of it was about controlling you Lo. I don't work that way.

You repeatedly asked for help and requested therapy, you repeatedly refused to take the baby steps required.

Is that because you wouldn't know what to do without an excuse crutch?