(Warning, long.)
And, of course, there is the Thanksgiving that Liz and I did the shopping.
It was at my mother's new house (it was frequently at my house)...my mother had shoulder problems and was under strict instructions to not lift anything with her right arm; this made shopping, while not impossible, impractical. My stepfather was planning to do the shopping the Saturday before Thanksgiving. He left work early Friday, though, and by Saturday, he had what seemed to be a raging stomach virus; needless to say, he was not doing anything that took him more than 50' from the bathroom. I told my mother that if she'd e-mail the grocery list to me, Liz and I would do the shopping. She did, we printed out two copies, and on the way to my mother's house, stopped at the supermarket.
Liz and I each took a list & a carriage...she started at one end of the store, I started at the other, we'd meet somewhere in the middle. (Being for eight people, it was a large list.) Now, I must explain two things: first, my mother wrote the list for my stepfather...some of it was a bit vague, but
he would know exactly what she meant after 20+ years of marriage. Liz and I didn't, necessarily. Second, I am cheap and will look for the lowest price on just about everything, and if a larger package is a better buy (and it won't spoil), I will usually buy it.
Liz started at the meat department. Topping the list was, and I quote, a "
LARGE" turkey". So, Liz did the logical thing: she told the guy behind the counter, "Please bring me your biggest turkey." He did: he went into the freezer and came out with a 37lb (about 16.5kg) frozen turkey! We got the rest of the stuff...things like 10lbs of potatoes, 5lbs of carrots (the list was "5-1lb carrots", which I assumed to be a typo) a squash, 6lbs (3.5kg) each of ground pork & ground beef (My stepfather is a Canuck...he makes meatpies & uses meat stuffing.), four bags of stuffing mix, cranberry sauce, etc. (She also put "dinner napkins" on the list...we got a package of 800.) We filled about ten bags, plus a large box for the turkey. We brought everything to the house, I backed into the driveway, and we began unloading. My mother began poking through the bags as Liz and I went back to get the turkey. She seemed puzzled when I asked if she would get the door, but she did. The expression on her face when she saw the banana box was priceless! (Also, we were pulling this stuff out of Liz's tiny Festiva.) After spluttering for about thirty seconds, she finally said, "What is that? I'm not feeding the whole town!" Liz innocently replied, "Well, we were hoping to persuade you to make soup!"
She shook her head as she poked through the bags, then saw the carrots. No typos, she really DID want five one-pound bags of carrots. Her reasoning being: the carrots in the 5lb bags tend to be much thicker. With her bad shoulder (can't push down on a knife), they are very hard to slice. Well, OK, this is easily solved: if someone would peel them, I would slice the carrots.
Now, we have to figure out how to deal with a 37lb turkey. It needs to thaw...which, to put it mildly, will take a while. There were 5 days to the day before Thanksgiving (when it had to be prepared for cooking)...thawing it in the refrigerator would take about a week and a half, so we did the cold-water method. The turkey went in a large Sterilite tote, which was then filled with water, in the (unheated) basement. That took all night and most of the next day...then, it went in the downstairs fridge (after taking out all the shelves).
Then, cooking it. It would JUST fit in her oven (1/2" from the top of the cover to the top of the oven), and took about ten pounds of stuffing. (It took all the stuffing we'd bought, PLUS all the stuff we had gotten for meat pies.) It went in the night before (like, 11pm), because it would take a LONG time to cook. Getting it in was another adventure: between the bird, the stuffing, and the massive cast-iron roasting pan (the bird JUST fit), this was close to sixty pounds going in the oven. We managed, and it cooked. My stepfather & my sister kept making dire predictions that it would be dry before it was properly cooked...he doesn't like frozen turkeys & thought any turkey over 25lbs is nearly impossible to cook properly, she just doesn't like Liz. So it cooked, then came out (two people to take it out) to cool. My mother made gravy with the drippings (needless to say, there was plenty!), my stepfather carved. Despite his predictions, it was PERFECT. (My mother is a
very good cook.) To almost everyone's amazement, my father in law ate an entire leg from this huge turkey. There were, of course, leftovers...everyone ate lots of turkey sandwiches that weekend! (Which is not a bad thing.)
The final comedy came a few days later, after my stepfather stripped the carcass & my mother got ready to make soup. She discovered that even cut into pieces, this gigantic turkey wouldn't fit her biggest pot! She wound up making TWO batches of turkey soup. She demanded I take home three containers of it, since I was the one that bought this huge bird. I was, of course,
heartbroken at having to take home a gallon and a half of homemade soup.
We still talk about that one...anytime someone mentions a turkey, my mother says, "No more 30-pounders!" or something similar.
Treat Gaza like Carthage.
)
There are plenty of Thanksgiving stories in the family (including two involving fire extinguishers and one involving the fire department), this is one more.
I'm glad it's all going well for you and that the drama is far, far away!
