Plan B Forum

Surely not as exciting as a Cricket Match, but certainly the most poetic description of a soccer goal I've ever heard....

So a guy takes a free kick in a soccer game while the other guys pretty much just stand around....

And the announcer calls it, "A wet dream of orgasmic proportions!"....


Wowsers...

Talk about easily impressed....

I shutter to think how that fellow would respond if something genuinely exciting happened...

It looked well within reach of the goalie.

If he had, y'know, moved during the long slow time that a fat slow soccer ball went by him.

Is he dead now? Fired?


yrs,
rubato

For some reason the content on that youtube video; is blocked on copyright grounds here.

Gob wrote:For some reason the content on that youtube video; is blocked on copyright grounds here.

Can you see it from here?

Nope, apparently "Terra Networks USA" has blocked it to us foreigners.

I got it off another link;



Amazing skills, keeper never had a chance, he was blindsided totally.

Too bad. Well, the soccer player, Cristiano, scores a free shot(?) penalty shot(?) and the colorful announcer screams the following -

"AAAAAAARRRRREE YOU KIDDING ME!!! A-STONISHING!!! THIS IS NOT JUST A DREAM, IT'S A WET DREAM OF ORGASMIC PROPORTIONS!!! And this one deludes everybody, it seduces everybody in Real Madrid's fanclub that's for sure. The wonder strike from Cristiano. This has got more curves to it than Jessica Rabbit on steroids. Take a look at this. It's flyin all over the job. Unbelievable! Look at that! It's a phenomenal technique. He gets it up on the ball and it arches like an incredible rainbow. Astonishing wonder strike from Cristiano!"

In another video from later in the game, the announcer yells the following after Cristiano scores another goal -

"Again the sleeping sword awakens by Cristiano Ronaldo. Deadlier than a King Cobra with this astonishing strike. The dark invader that is Cristiano Ronaldo baby! He rolls the dice again and he'll be squeezin 'em tonight! It's a beautiful hit that in my opinion is better than the first one. He sees the target and again the dynamic is... well... you pick it out because I've used it all up. It gyrates... it bends... it's got more ups and downs than Space Mountain!"

the colorful announcer

I can imagine that fellow when he comes home for dinner:

"OHMYGOD! IT"S MEAT LOAF!!!! AMAZING!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? MEAT LOAF!!!!

I must have died and gone to heaven!!!! Sweet Gezzus...MEAT LOAF!!! and...

MASHED POTATOES!!!!! I can't stand it...I'm gonna blow a load right now....INCREDIBLE!...UNBELIEVABLE!!!

And is it?....

Oh In The Name Of The God Head I Do Believe it Is!

STRING BEANS!!! YES, STRING BEANS!!!!

God on Horseback! this is better than having Lucy Lawless, Jeri Ryan and Fergie all in the same bed at the same time!!!!!

MAGNIFICENT!!!!!!

Gob wrote: Amazing skills, keeper never had a chance, he was blindsided totally.

It looks to me like the keeper never saw the ball. He didn't react at all.

Was that really a great kick or was it maybe an airhead moment for the goalie?

Lord Jim wrote:
I can imagine that fellow when he comes home for dinner:

"That's a meat loaf of orgasmic proportions and the mashed potatoes are like gushing sperm soldiers foraging for the elusive unfertilized egg resulting in a meal of heretofore unequaled satiety."

I haven't seen the clip yet (I'm logging in on my phone and it's too much like hard work) but I take it that the player in question is Cristiano Ronaldo... who I have watched play many times. When he hits a free kick just right it is virtually unstoppable. I'm guessing that the ball swerved in midair away from the keeper who would not have even seen it until it was too late to react.

Anyway, Spanish & South American commentators are notorious for their overreactions...

Joe Guy wrote:

Gob wrote: Amazing skills, keeper never had a chance, he was blindsided totally.

It looks to me like the keeper never saw the ball. He didn't react at all.

Was that really a great kick or was it maybe an airhead moment for the goalie?

It's a great shame that we don't get an eye level view from behind the goal. The cleverness of the shot is lessened by the viewpoint we have.

Basically the goal keeper had a wall of players between him and the guy taking the shot. The way the ball was curved around this wall, would mean the goalie would not have seen where the ball was coming from until it was virtually in the net.

I think I can sort out what happened here:

A guy managed to kick a medium sized ball (with nobody interfering with his kick) a stunning 15 feet in the air so it sailed out of the reach of a bunch of guys standing between him and a huge net he had for a target, from a distance of about 40 feet....

You'll forgive me if if I don't fall into a swoon over this achievement....

americans are accustomed to seeing a similar non-reaction in the game of baseball, when a pitcher throws the ball in a direction that leads well outside the "strike zone," but the ball curves in, making the batter look like he fell asleep. It appears that's what happened here. The goalie saw the original trajectory of the ball, he relaxed for a split second, and when the ball curved into the net the goalkeeper was powerless to do anything about it.

Nice shot. Insane announcer.

Lord Jim wrote:I think I can sort out what happened here:

A guy managed to kick a medium sized ball (with nobody interfering with his kick) a stunning 15 feet in the air so it sailed out of the reach of a bunch of guys standing between him and a huge net he had for a target, from a distance of about 40 feet....

You'll forgive me if if I don't fall into a swoon over this achievement....

Hey Jim, do you want the post of "Head of sports appreciation studies", for Plan B?

Lord Jim wrote:I think I can sort out what happened here:

A guy managed to kick a medium sized ball (with nobody interfering with his kick) a stunning 15 feet in the air so it sailed out of the reach of a bunch of guys standing between him and a huge net he had for a target, from a distance of about 40 feet....

You'll forgive me if if I don't fall into a swoon over this achievement....

I'll forgive you as soon as you can replicate what he did Jim.

There are no maybe a dozen players on the planet who can hit a dead ball like Ronaldo can on their best days. He however tends to do it week in, week out. Its part of the reason Madrid paid a world record £80,000,000 for his services. He's scored over 50 goals already this season... a good return for a player in his position would be 20-25. The keeper would never have relaxed, even for a second. He'd know exactly what Ronaldo is capable of...

And he's not considered the best in the world either!

Watching the view from the rear camera, (don't bother, I'm miles ahead of you,) watch where the ball passes. Two of his own side separate, creating a door for the ball. These two were obstructing the keepers view of the strike, then created a space for the shot. Briliant team work.

I don't really have anything in particular against Soccer....

It's a reasonably fast game, the rules are simple and it's easy to learn, making it great exercise for kids....

It could use a few timeouts, and of course more scoring, but at least it's played over a reasonable time frame that allows the game to be completed before the starting players reach retirement age...(unlikely that cricket thingy)

Of course it's certainly not important enough a sport for grown people to get worked up over, (and I do wish people would stop referring to it as "football"....that creates confusion with the real sport of football....)

I'll forgive you as soon as you can replicate what he did Jim.

I'm not entirely certain I couldn't....

I don't see this hugely complex feat that Strip says he sees....that really sounds like over thinking it to me....

I see a kick going over a bunch of peoples heads, (not really a tough thing to do; to get a ball 15 feet in the air) and going past a goalie who's standing around with his thumb up his ass.....(I could certainly do what the goalie did....)into a net the size of the side of a barn... If one of his own players was blocking his view that just shows poor organization on that team's part....(and maybe poor coaching)

What I see is more of a fuck up on the part of the team that was scored on, rather than some spectacular achievement on the part of the kicker..

Grown men wearing short pants kicking a ball around.

<YAWN>

I'm so happy my grandson chose little league baseball over soccer!