Plan B Forum

Birthdays only from now on girls! ladies!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldne ... finds.html

Couples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds

Divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores, a Norwegian study has found

In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.

“What we’ve seen is that sharing equal responsibility for work in the home doesn’t necessarily contribute to contentment,” said Thomas Hansen, co-author of the study entitled “Equality in the Home”.

The lack of correlation between equality at home and quality of life was surprising, the researcher said.

“One would think that break-ups would occur more often in families with less equality at home, but our statistics show the opposite,” he said.

The figures clearly show that “the more a man does in the home, the higher the divorce rate,” he went on.

. . . The researchers expected to find that where men shouldered more of the burden, women’s happiness levels were higher. In fact they found that it was the men who were happier while their wives and girlfriends appeared to be largely unmoved.

Meade

In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.

That would appear to be an example of what I strove manfully, (and without any notable success) to attempt to educate rube about regarding the concept of "isolating the variable".....

How long did the folks surveyed know each other before they got married? How does one define "the work" and "most of the work"? How does one define "equally"?

How old were they when they got married? Are there differences based on additional factors, like education level or income level?

The list goes on....

“... Modern couples are just that, both in the way they divide up the chores and in their perception of marriage” as being less sacred, Mr Hansen said. “In these modern couples, women also have a high level of education and a well-paid job, which makes them less dependent on their spouse financially. ..."

Speaks for itself. People who are weak and dependent are less likely to get out of a bad relationship because they are afraid that they cannot provide for themselves.

“... In a good relationship people simply don’t know who does what and don’t particularly care. “Unless marriage is a relationship above anything else, then whenever there are tensions or contradictions things come to a head. You have less capacity to forgive and absorb the bad stuff. ...”

I've found this to be true in both personal and professional relationships. "You can't go around adding and subtracting or you'll just be too late" (The Persuasions) and "You can get a lot more done if you don't worry about who will get credit" (various) "Keeping score" only comes after a relationship is in trouble.

"...
The researchers expected to find that where men shouldered more of the burden, women’s happiness levels were higher. In fact they found that it was the men who were happier while their wives and girlfriends appeared to be largely unmoved.
Those men who did more housework generally reported less work-life conflict and were scored slightly higher for wellbeing overall.
Experts suggested that, while this may be partly because they felt less guilty, the main reason could be that they had simply learnt the secret of a quiet life.
... "

The fulfillment of obligation is inherently pleasurable. This is not in the least surprising.

yrs,
rubato

It seems to me the prescription for a successful marriage isn't deciding that you're going to split up each and every household chore 50-50...(In fact it seems to me that if you're thinking along those lines, you probably shouldn't be getting married....you're setting yourself up for failure...)

In our marriage, we've had a "rough division" of household responsibilities, and it's worked reasonably well...

I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking...because I'm good at those things...

Kelly does most of the clothes shopping (especially for the kids) because she's much better at it...(I couldn't tell you the underwear size of either of my children...I have a hard enough time buying clothes for myself... )

When it comes to doing laundry, I brought the typical bachelor attitude of two different piles....

One not smelly enough that it could be worn again, and one so smelly it had to be washed...

Well that wasn't good enough for her, (go figure) so the way we've divided up this household chore, is that I collect up the laundry (first for the two of us, then for the three of of us, and now for the four of us) she does the laundry, and then I put it all away properly....( organizing things properly is something I am good at....)

I explained to her early on that I had a real problem with diapers...(It creates a real gag mechanism for me; I don't like my own crap let alone anyone elses)

That didn't bother her, but she liked to sleep through the night...(which didn't matter to me)...

So she changed most of the diapers, but when the kids woke up in the middle of the night (I'm so glad Jimmy has lost the diaper thing) and needed to be carried around, or fed a bottle (or put in the back of the car in their car seat and driven around at three in the morning till they nodded off again) I took that duty...

I like working in the yard; she doesn't; so I do most of the yard work....

I'm good at focusing on creating income, (she's no slouch in that regard either) but she's great at making sure the bills get paid on time...(I used to be quite sloppy about that; shove them in a drawer, figure I'd get to them eventually; she's a lot better at paying attention to that end of things than I am)

And neither one of us is going to win The Martha Stewart Medal Of Honor....

We're blessed in that we have enough income to be able to afford to have a young lady come in a couple of times a month to deal with things like properly cleaning the bathrooms....

But the bottom line is, in my view, the key to a successful marriage is not to try to figure out a way to divide up every household chore "50-50" but to find a modus vivendi for the distribution of labor that works best for you....

We're pretty similar. We both do cooking and shopping though, and cook together when appropriate.

Seems to me that if you're sitting around thinking, "well, you should do 50% of this, and I'll do 50% of that"...

And you're supposedly trying to plan a life together...

That you're focusing on the wrong things for a start...

Nailed it.

I never work with a ledger. My mum never works without one.

When I was married I did next to zero housework.

I did take care of the girls, did the yardwork, repaired the cars, and other outdoors stuff.

She was happy with this arrangement, so why rock the boat.

When I was married I did next to zero housework.

I do considerably more "housework" than my father would ever have imagined doing....

I also have a much more hands on relationship with the raising of my children, than he had....

That doesn't make him a bad father; he was a very good father....

It was just a different time...

Correcto Mundo..................Jim.

I am glad for the changes.

I would not be where I am without them.

Everyong needs to play to their strengths.
My wife does everything, and I am eternally grateful.

I would be curious to see how they define "housework" in the study. I do everything outside the house and maybe 20% inside (including most of the cooking). On balance, she does a lot more than I do, but then I think she's neurotic about washing clothes.

Footnotally, I will add that one cannot say for certain whether our marriage will end in death or divorce; we've only been at it for 39 years and one never knows...

dgs49 wrote: we've only been at it for 39 years and one never knows...

I've always believed that couples who stay at it stay together...

39 years? I thought anything over 8 hours warranted a call for medical assistance?

Guess I called too soon then..........

Meade

Playing to our strengths would have been fine...

I was pretty clear and explicit: constantly, that I wouldn't be a bored housewife for him.


The Ex wouldn't so much as water the plants for a whole year (they all died), while I was gone on deployment; let alone watch the kid, and make sure he went to school (the kid didn't, and so was expelled).


That was all 'women's work', regardless that I was on active duty, securing the country after 9/11; regardless that he (The Ex) didn't have a JOB for two years anywayZ, and so he hit the strip clubs whilst complaining to his buddies, that I, La Loca, nagged him too much.
That it was too much, that I asked him to care for his home and his family, which took him away from his net and his strippers...



~Wah~ I, La Loca, was such a b!tch to do that ...to expect My Ex to act like a responsible adult. ~sniffle~

I was so mean to him Wah!



...that he had to try hitting me! ...to get me to do ALL the work, so he could get ALL the accolades for being such a GOOD Husband to me* and the kid, for not working and not caring, yeah.

* His own words to the Marriage Counselor


I just didn't see that, mean little me. !smack!

Gob and I are unable to separate. (Even though we haven't been 'at it' as long as others.)

If we do, there can never be another. (At least certainly not for me.)

Certainly not for me either. TDDUP.