Plan B Forum

The BBC’s Executive Editor for Comedy Chris Sussman has revealed that all jokes have to go through ‘quite a few layers’ of bureaucracy before they can be told on air.

‘We have editorial policy advisers, we have legal advisers. I’ve been involved in a programme where it’s gone all the way up to the Director-General,’ Sussman said.

This might explain why so few BBC comedies are actually funny these days, now that all scripts are scrutinised for any hint of humour which might cause offence or fly in the face of the Corporation’s Left-wing ethos and diversity agenda.

It makes me wonder how many of the BBC’s classic comedies would ever get made today

From: Director of Comedy, W1A

To: John Sullivan

Thank you for your recently submitted proposal, provisionally entitled Only Fools And Horses. While the show has potential, there are a number of issues which must be addressed before we can proceed.
I have an immediate problem with the lyrics to the theme tune, particularly the line ‘No income tax, no VAT’. This could be interpreted as condoning tax evasion.
The storyline underpinning the concept is Derek Trotter’s promise to his brother that ‘This time next year, Rodney, we’ll be millionaires’, which strikes me as wholly inappropriate in this era of austerity.
Not only does Del Boy’s aspiration embody the worst aspects of Thatcherite greed, but it comes at a time when the Tories are planning tax cuts for millionaires, at the expense of the poor.
Then there is the character, Trigger, a municipal roadsweeper. He’ll have to go. You never see a roadsweeper any more, on account of the savage Tory cuts.
I have also received a response from our Health and Safety Directorate, with regard to the episode in which Mr Trotter falls through a flap in the bar while drinking red wine ‘spitzers’. After conducting an extensive risk assessment, it has been decided that this scene is far too dangerous and therefore not suitable for broadcast.
May I suggest that you rewrite the script and re-submit at a later date. Perhaps Del and Rodney could visit a food bank because their benefits have been capped and they are forced to evict Uncle Albert as a result of the bedroom tax.

From: Director of Comedy, W1A

To: John Cleese

It is with great regret and for a multitude of reasons that I must reject your proposal for the comedy series Fawlty Towers. For a start, it is hideously white and middle class and riddled with xenophobia.
This is a classic example of the kind of so-called ‘humour’ which I am attempting to stamp out at the BBC. Take the scene in which the Major uses the ‘N-word’ to differentiate the West Indies cricket team from the Indians. Did the Top Gear incident not make it abundantly clear where we stand on the use of such appalling racially-charged epithets?
The entire series is founded upon naked racism and violence. Mr O’Reilly, the builder, is a prime example of anti-Irish prejudice.
Manuel, the Spanish waiter, is subjected to the most extreme racial and physical abuse. At one stage, Basil even uses him as a battering ram.
‘He’s from Barcelona.’ Is that supposed to be funny? There’s so much hatred against foreigners, I’m surprised you didn’t call it Farage Towers.
If we are to salvage anything from this project, it will need a complete rewrite. May I suggest a one-off special in which Basil is arrested and jailed for hate crime after refusing to let a room to a married gay couple?

From: Director of Comedy, W1A

To: Ian La Frenais and Dick Clement

I have been handed a copy of your proposed prison comedy Porridge. Unfortunately, it is unsuitable in its present form.
For instance, it does nothing to reflect the serious overcrowding in Britain’s prison system. One character, Genial Harry Grout, even has a cell to himself.
There is only one ethnic minority character, McClaren, even though 17 per cent of the prison population is from a BME (black and minority ethnic) background.
A number of our commissioning editors also found the portrayal of the character Lukewarm to be stereotypical and deeply offensive to members of the gay community. Mr Heslop, whom you envisage being played by Brian Glover, seems to have been created with the sole purpose of ridiculing people with learning difficulties.
We feel this programme, if it is to proceed, should have a public education remit. May I propose that the main character, Fletcher, is behind bars not for burglary but because he has failed repeatedly to pay his television licence fee.
k

From: Director Of Comedy, W1A

To: Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft

I would like to be able to suggest that you re-submit this with a re-write, but frankly this proposed "comedy" is so rife with completely unacceptable sexism, ageism, classism, homophobia and cruel body image "humour" that it really seems quite unsalvageable. You should have titled it, "Are You Being Served With Multiple Lawsuits And Labour Complaints".

Where to begin...

The rampant sexism seems to underpin the entire programme. The worst offender is the character Dick Lucas, who when he isn't making sexual-innunendo remarks completely unacceptable in the workplace, or bullying Mrs. Slocum with hurtful "fat shaming" comments, is busy making clearly unwanted advances on the character Shirley Brahms. (This character's behaviour is far out of bounds on numerous counts, and he should have been sacked forthwith as an example; that would have shown a positive approach.)

But while Lucas is the worst offender, he's hardly the only one. Young Mr. Grace (The capricious Thatcherite store owner, who behaves as though he owns the place) should be up to his earlobes in sexual harassment lawsuits.

But the Mr. Grace character, while a perpetrator of countless acts of workplace sexism, is also a victim of the proposed programme's ageism, a senior citizen portrayed as a doddering and forgetful old fool. (The other primary exemplar of the show's ageism is the Ernest Granger character, who when he isn't falling asleep on the job is busy running off to the loo.)

Then there's the closeted gay character, Wilberforce Humphries, who rather than receiving the sort of support he should get from his co-workers, instead becomes the butt of veiled homophobic "jokes" and innuendo...

That brings me to the Tory martinet Stephen Peacock, who in addition to being guilty of sexist actions towards both employees and customers, exhibits the absolute worst sort of anti-worker behavior. The chief, (but by no means only) victim of this character's classist harassment is Arthur Harman, the head of the store's maintenance staff, who Peacock repeatedly forbids to even set foot on the store floor during open hours.

And then there's Cuthbert Rumbold, who is repeatedly referred to as "jug ears" by the other characters; a grossly offensive body-image insult.

I could go on and on...

Frankly, I don't know what you gentlemen were thinking when you came up with this concept and thought it would be appropriate for airing on the BBC. I strongly advise that before you develop your next proposal that you both undergo at least 20 hours of sensitivity training.