RIP British comedy

[Gob]

Ten of the best jokes from 2014’s Edinburgh fringe


1. Rhys James
Umbro is named after what your friends say to you if they see you wearing it.


2. Darren Walsh
My cat is recovering from a massive stroke.


3. Katherine Ryan
Joan Rivers got exactly what she wanted from that final surgery – to stop ageing. Finally she nailed it.


4. Aisling Bea
I just don’t have lesbian genes – which are dungarees.


5. Chris Martin
If you want to to feel less intimidated by a bouncer, do what I do and imagine their ear piece is just a motivational tape going: “You’re a soft, strong individual.”


6. Mark Nelson
Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. Now, that’s not a miracle is it? That’s tapas.
Older Than Jesus is at the Gilded Balloon until 30 August


7. Grace the Child
I’m a Buddhist. One of my main goals as a Buddhist is to have the world’s largest collection of Buddhas.


8. Hal Cruttenden
Victorians would have been great on social media. They’d have had their own emojis. Open brackets-close brackets means: “I’ve got rickets.”


9. Bridget Christie
I learned about method acting at drama school, when all my classmates stayed in character as posh, patronising twats for the entire three years I was there.


10. Pippa Evans
I was vegan for a while. I lost 6lb, but most of that was personality.

Fuck me pink, those are the best so far?

[Crackpot]

The last two are the best the last one actually gave me a chuckle

[Lord Jim]

The last two are the best

I agree...

I’m a Buddhist. One of my main goals as a Buddhist is to have the world’s largest collection of Buddhas.

How drunk would you have to be to laugh at that?

[Sue U]

I’m a Buddhist. One of my main goals as a Buddhist is to have the world’s largest collection of Buddhas.

How drunk would you have to be to laugh at that?

I thought that one was actually pretty funny, since acquisitiveness and concentration on the material is pretty much the opposite of Buddhism.

[oldr_n_wsr]

How drunk would you have to be to laugh at that?

I've never been that drunk, and I am a professional.

[BoSoxGal]

I’m a Buddhist. One of my main goals as a Buddhist is to have the world’s largest collection of Buddhas.

How drunk would you have to be to laugh at that?

I thought that one was actually pretty funny, since acquisitiveness and concentration on the material is pretty much the opposite of Buddhism.

Exactly! I also found that one very funny.



Perhaps LJ's just not a student of Buddhism?

[Lord Jim]

I've known a couple of Buddhists since I've moved out here; both were very materialistic, (one drove a Lexus, the other was a clothes horse who spent every Saturday at Macys) completely self-absorbed, and oh yes, they both owned a lot of Buddhas....

(They were very proud of their "spiritualism"...)

Of course California convert-Buddhists are probably different from the Tibetan variety....

Mainly well-heeled lefty new-agey types; a few years ago becoming a Buddhist was very trendy among that air-headed lot out here...

[BoSoxGal]

Well that explains it - they were BINOs.