Plan B Forum

Ok last night I arrived at Sydney opera house W-A-A-A-A-A-Y too early for the Dead Can Dance gig I was up there to see. So I was amusing myself by walking laps of the place as;
a) I'd been driving for 3 1/2 hours, and had a 3 1/2 hour drive home to look forward to.
b) I couldn't drink, due to the above.
c) I'm a fucking idiot.

On one lap I saw a people carrier* being let through the back loading area security gate. "Ooh, looks interesting!" So I walked over to the stage door. Who gets out of it, amongst her entourage**, but Lisa Gerrard herself!!! The Princess of Post rock, the goddess of goth, the diva of dream-pop!

Of course, being me, this was too good an opportunity to turn down! In my cool calm and collected manner I asked; "Ere Lisa, ok for me to grab a photo graph with you love?" It may have actually come out more like 'AAawww, heh...oooh...hellllloo...erm..., blubber, ....simper... whine.... whimper..... can I lick your boots for you Lisa," but she got my drift.

So I gave my phone to the guy with her, I assumed an acolyte or roadie, it turns out he was her percussionist,*** and was on stage with the band later.**** So she consents, and he faffs about so I go over and show him how to do it, and SHE TOLD ME OFF!! "You really should be more prepared you know. " which gave me a slightly erotic thrill. I had the audacity to reply, "Ha! Chance would be a fine thing!" (Oscar Wilde eat your heart out!) So we posed again, I had MY HAND AROUND HER WAIST!! On stage you'd swear she's 17 foot tall, but she's really tiny, huge chest though.

I thanked her effusively, and left her go.

Walking away on cloud nine, I had to go and grab a beer. I sat there hands trembling, opened up my phone to find.....No fucking picture!!The silly fuck hadn't done it right!! I wept for a good half hour.

Still I'd met her, and touched her, and spoken with her. She is as ethereally beautiful and cultured as she projects, though she is not hot, and the gig was fucking brilliant. She sang the song which was played as the "wedding march" at our wedding!



Next time I'm in Sydders it's for the Arvo Part gig, I wonder if he'll show?

*It should have been a black carriage drawn by four black stallions with funeral plumes.
** Should have been a group of high elves.
** a fucking drummer, if I'd have known that I'd not have trusted the thick fuck!!
**** If I'd have know that I would have taken a house brick into the gig to heave at him.

Gob wrote:** a fucking drummer, if I'd have known that I'd not have trusted the thick fuck!!

Ain't that the truth. It'll teach you to ask, tho, won't it.

I've met a lot of stars, don't have a picture with any of 'em. (Most were before camera-phones were invented.)

Our hit rate is running well, Heston Blumenthal, Alan Davies, Ian Rankin, Patrick Gale, all in our photo album. Missed out On Glen McGrath and now Lisa Gerrard, but still.,..

The tosser who screwed up the photo is back left!!

FFS mate... they don't even trust him with a full drum kit! What chance would he have with a camera phone?

"I hits dem wit de sticks!"

How can you tell when the drummer's stool is level?

He dribbles out both sides of his mouth.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

Eleven. One to change it and ten to stand around and say how much better Cozy Powell would've changed it.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

Go on...

You only need to punch the beat into a drum machine once.

What's the best way to confuse a drummer?

Put him in a round room and tell him there's a case of beer in the corner?

I like your answer better than mine, Sue!

(Put sheet music in front of him, BTW...)

How do you know when there's a drummer at your door?

The knocking speeds up....and slows down...and speeds up...and..........

What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?

...and he doesn't know when to come in!

kristina wrote:What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.