An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day.
The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied 'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'
He did and warmed his nose.
The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'
The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she asks, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Concerned the mother said, 'Why yes..... why do you ask?'
The daughter replies, 'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?'
Baby it's cold outside...
Baby it's cold outside...
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Re: Baby it's cold outside...
This looks like a good place for my all time favorite "Royals" joke:
Queen Elizabeth and Princess Di were out driving in the family Bentley when they were overtaken by highwaymen. The thieves demanded all their jewels, but the ladies insisted that they weren't wearing any.
After searching them, the thieves decided to settle for the car, and left. As the Queen and Princess were walking back to Buckingham palace, the Queen asked Di, "Weren't you wearing a diamond ring when we left?" Di said, "Yes I was. But when I saw the thieves, I hid it up my... well, you know." (And then she reached up under her skirt and pulled out the ring)
Then Di asked the Queen, " Mum, weren't you wearing that sapphire necklace Prince Philip gave you?" The Queen answered, "Yes, but when I saw the thieves, I put it up my...well, you know." (And then Her Majesty reached up under her skirt and produced the necklace)
They walked a little further and the queen added,
"Pity we didn't have Margaret with us; we could have saved the Bentley..."
Queen Elizabeth and Princess Di were out driving in the family Bentley when they were overtaken by highwaymen. The thieves demanded all their jewels, but the ladies insisted that they weren't wearing any.
After searching them, the thieves decided to settle for the car, and left. As the Queen and Princess were walking back to Buckingham palace, the Queen asked Di, "Weren't you wearing a diamond ring when we left?" Di said, "Yes I was. But when I saw the thieves, I hid it up my... well, you know." (And then she reached up under her skirt and pulled out the ring)
Then Di asked the Queen, " Mum, weren't you wearing that sapphire necklace Prince Philip gave you?" The Queen answered, "Yes, but when I saw the thieves, I put it up my...well, you know." (And then Her Majesty reached up under her skirt and produced the necklace)
They walked a little further and the queen added,
"Pity we didn't have Margaret with us; we could have saved the Bentley..."
Re: Baby it's cold outside...
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor,but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla. "Harder!"
Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See, I told you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, Darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor,but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla. "Harder!"
Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See, I told you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, Darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
