The last one is my favorite . . .

[MajGenl.Meade]

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

[ex-khobar Andy]

An attributive noun walks into a whiskey bar.
A Canadian interjection walks into a bar, eh?

[Joe Guy]

An incomplete sentence.

[ex-khobar Andy]

A haiku walks into a bar
And promptly forgets
Why he was there.

[Burning Petard]

Me, my favorite is number six. And where is RBarr now that we need him (or her, as is their preference) I am baffled by the hyphen version.

snailgate.

[Econoline]

First they came for the apostrophes,
And I did not speak out
Because I could always figure out possessives and plurals without them.

Then they came for the colon,
And I did not speak out
Because the em dash is just as good.

Then they came for the semicolon,
And I did not speak out
Because I could always just make those independent sentences into two independent sentences, or just say, “Fuck it, I’ll just stick a comma there, no one will care.”

Then they came for the commas that set off direct address
And I did not speak out
Because it’s now easier to start my email “Hi Ralph” than “Hi, Ralph” and then I can stick extra commas in other places, where they don’t belong.

Then they came for the period (well, a lot of them)
And I did not speak out
Because I don’t mind if every other sentence ends in a frigging exclamation point! Or even two or three!!!

Then they came for the proper use of capital letters
And I did not speak out
Because what difference does it make if we randomly capitalize Words, and anyway, the Germans do that Shit all the time, and a Certain Politician—and look Gentle Reader this gives us Extra Capital Letters that we can use ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!

Then they came for coherence in writing
And I did not speak out
Because I was too busy—yelling at Annoying Grammarians, like WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW?—and tweeting my Important Thoughts, its getting my Message out—Gentle Reader you can go fuck Yourself, if you cant understand me!!!

(credit, Laura Turtledove, on Facebook)

[BoSoxGal]

[Gob]

Stealing that!!

(Changed "period" to "full stop", as periods are what women have.)

[Econoline]