After further reflection on this truly cuntish post, I've determined it requires one further response to the loCAcunt, which will also serve as my final post to this board for some indefinite length of time, if not forever.loCAtek wrote:
ROTFLMAO ....and how is your brother?
Has your 'learning' helped him any? Seems your living in a car for a year, has done nothing for your humility, nor for others. You went on a cruise, after your bankruptcy and just plan on judging others, because you can get away with it.
Try helping others, more than yourself; then we may be impressed ...and then you can judge.
But humility? ...not so much.
...no, not reflection on me; I'm a hella sinner. Thus so, I can see sin when I see it.
loCAcunt accuses me of having no humility, of not putting others before myself, of not caring for 'my brother' meaning not just my biological brothers, but my fellow humans. She reviles me as a sinner for going on a cruise after filing bankruptcy, as though that makes me on par with Bernie Madoff.
Of course, the cruise was paid in full by my then BF, and was only the second real vacation I've taken since turning 18 years old - the other being a trip to Grand Cayman during law school, expenses paid in full by a friend. Interesting how such a shallow, selfish person (read: someone who would not 'lend' loCA money) inspires such friendship from others?
Beyond only taking two vacations in my entire adult life, I've sacrificed nearly every dream I ever had for myself and my own life to try to fulfill the dreams of my parents. Is there some kind of commandment about that someplace? Anyway, I know it gets twisted and many people destroy their own happiness in the process of trying to fulfill that bit of religious indoctrination . . . But I digress.
I know there have been very few times in my life that I have ever said no to any request of parent, family member, friend, employer, even just acquaintances - I've given of my time & resources so often and so deeply that at 41 I don't have a house, savings, or even furniture - except a bed & table/chairs handed down from a friend. If I had taken a different path upon my layoff in 2009, I might be in a far better place materialistically - but I made the choice to go wash the feet of one of my 'brothers' as she lay in her sickbed, terminally ill from cancer. Such a selfish, uncaring sinner am I! There are SO many ways I could have lived my life more profitably if I'd put myself ahead of others - it's hard to count them all.
I'm definitely proud that I earned my way, by honest hard work at a state school, into five of the top ten law schools in this country. I struggled with whether to attend law school or divinity school and my then priest urged me go to law school, because she knew and understood the calling to service I had felt inside me since childhood and she believed law school would best allow me to cultivate my natural talents to the aid of others. As a priest I might comfort the afflicted, but as a lawyer I might have the ability to effect change in their condition.
So with my prestigious and outrageously expensive law degree, I set forth on a career of public service - turning down six figure starting salary opportunities at blue chip law firms (the path most of my peers understandably followed) for starting salaries on par with a social workers in legal aid, then public defense, now prosecution and with an eye to return to the PD in another year or so. Am I self righteous about this? Maybe a little - maybe that's my sin, along with occasionally wishing I could have a houseful of nice things and a house to put them in.
I'm such a selfish sinner! So lacking in humility! It's all about putting ME first, those 10-12 hour days and weekends at the office with no bonus structure for extra billables, no advancement up the partnership ladder, no stake in the business. I really need to care about my brother! God. Damn. It!
When I pay my student loans down a few years more to where I can afford to leave the practice of law (read: afford to do without LRAP from Georgetown) and when my dog passes away, I plan to embark on my long cherished dream of a second career - I'm going to be a real judgmental money-grubbing Peace Corps volunteer, with a plan to transition into international aid work - the kind where you live in a tent, go unwashed for days on end and hold the hands of dying children in the Sudan, not the kind where you wear a suit and attend policy meetings and cluck cluck, tsk tsk about the sad state of things in the Sudan.
What a selfish sinner! It's true that in my quest to get rid of all my extraneous worldly possessions in preparation for this second career, I still have not got around to sending Miles my friend Linda's computer - I'm sorry, Miles! I do care about you, brother - it's just I'm always tired and barely do anything besides work, eat & sleep and I keep putting off packaging that gizmo because I'm too busy thinking about myself - not about the child rape victims I'm pursuing justice for, or the drug addicted defendants I wish I could help in more meaningful ways, or all the shortcomings in the system that often let both fall between the cracks.
God, help me - I'm such a heartless cunt.
Honestly I do struggle now with the affliction of my profession; I'm one of those 25% of lawyers who wonders on a weekly basis if any of this is worth it? I can recall with the vivid memory for detail of those cursed with photographic memory the day I sang 'Jesus loves me' in Dighton Community Church (Dighton, MA - I was born there, really Taunton, in 1970) and the certain slant of light (borrowed from E.D.) that came through the tall windows and spilled across the beaming face of my mum and how much I believed all the words I sang and all the lessons I learned in Sunday school and how I naively believed and stupidly continue to believe that if I just give and give and give and love and love and love everything will be as it was meant to be and God is love.
All this giving and loving and believing is killing me; they call these things that kill us heart disease or cancer or diabetes complications, but I think they are all just despair.
BTW, my name is Karla Mae Bosse. You can Google me and you'll find information that backs up every claim of achievement - and shortcoming - I've ever made here or at the CSB. I'm featured in alumni materials online at both my undergraduate alma mater and my law school - and yes, it's easy enough to figure out exactly where I've worked/lived and where I now work/live.
It bothered me in the past when editec and Steve posted my IRL info without my permission, partly because it was just rude and wrong, and partly because I felt Steve was a creepy stalker and if he existed, others must also and I should not be too naive about that. But, now I pack a .357 and I'm not terribly worried about stalkers. My neighbors look out for me even though I'm a selfish bitch lacking in humility and caring for my fellow beings. I haven't got an identity worth stealing in terms of credit rating, so don't bother. But really, Andrew's right, anonymity for many of us is so much silliness - feel free to check my 'references'.
I'll totally admit I can be bitchy at times - there's not a whole lot of reward in the path of the disciple in the earthly realm, so it can be a test of the spirit struggling with the despair inherent in the work, the cops who criticize me for my liberalism and the Andrew who accuses me of ethical lapses, the ugly la loCA who hurls whatever nastiness she can think of in her jealous intoxicated blunderings, the LJ who wants to make every disagreement into a battle royal . . . all too much.
I remember when I first joined CSB and I know in the almost seven years since I've just grown weary of the endless negativity and battling that we can no longer seem to go more than a week without. I'm by no means always a target of it, but it hurts my heart even so. My work is so sad and often feels so futile and finally I realize that as much as I love so many of you, I'm simply not thick skinned enough to endure the too frequent personal attacks and bickering that define such a large part of my personal life spent here.
Miles, I promise to get that thing going in the USPS this week.
This isn't the last you'll hear of me, my foreign friends - I'm going to selfishly take me on vacation to Oz and the UK and I'll be darkening the doorsteps of Gob and Hen and Daisy in the process. I hope I get to SA while Meade's still there, too, and if I ever waste any of my minuscule vacation budget/time in North America again, I'd sure like to visit some of you Bay area freaks, and my favorite accountant/Canuck.
If I said anything to offend anyone other than loCA, please forgive me and let it go - my departure is a good time to make a clean break with any animosity you bear toward me. That shit'll kill you, anyway.
As for loCA - well, talk about a dog that bites the hand that feeds. I was never sorrier to have offered my friendship to anyone - you've become a real bitch the past year+; I hope you are proud of yourself for that accomplishment. Your disease, or any other excuse you want to point to, does not justify the damage you have done and continue to attempt doing to this place - this family - with your truly selfish, arrogant, mean-spirited behavior. You most of all - 95% - are what has driven me to walk away. I hope that makes you happy, you vile bitch.
No really, I hope that someplace in your heart of hearts you are nurturing the sick pit of shame that you should; because if you are, there is hope for you still.
Now, I'll miss you all very much - but most of all you, Scarecrow - however, it's time for me to tap, tap, tap these ruby slippers and get the hell outta Oz. I'm off to see what @w knows!
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