At breakfast a husband asked his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
"I would take half and leave you," his wife replied.
He responded, "I won twelve dollars yesterday, here's six. Keep in touch."
Re: Hit the Road Wifey!!
Posted: Sat May 10, 2014 12:03 am
by Lord Jim
Stop me if you've heard this one...
Four golfers who like to gamble wind up in the same foursome. The pot builds throughout the day until they reach the 18th green, where Charlie has a chance to putt for dough. If he makes his 10-foot putt, he wins $200.
Charlie lines up his putt, but just as he's about to take his stance, a funeral procession begins passing by on the road that runs alongside the 18th hole.
Charlie steps away from his ball, sets down his putter, takes off his hat and places it over his heart, and waits for the funeral procession to completely pass. Once all the cars in the funeral procession have passed, Charlie picks up his putter and begins lining up the putt again.
"Wow," one of his opponents says. "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. You've got a makeable putt for $200, yet you stopped and paid your respects. You really are something."
"Well," Charlie says, "we were married for 25 years."
Re: Hit the Road Wifey!!
Posted: Wed May 14, 2014 4:57 pm
by MajGenl.Meade
So this guy was lining up his first swipe with the golf bat at the driving range area when this other guy walks up to him and says "Didn't I see you here a year ago?"
"No" says the first guy, looking guilty.
"yes it was you" says this other guy. "You were here very early, you took one swing, the ball flew off in a terrible slice, bounced in the car park, slammed into a Prius that was driving in and that swerved right in to a woman with a baby in push chair, killing them both. You saw what happened and you ran off. But I was watching"
"Oh God!" cried the guilt-ridden fiend. "What should I do?"
"Well, you could try dropping your right shoulder a little"