No Laughing McMatter
Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 11:21 am
Fringe jokes to make you cringe
THE funniest Joke of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe award has been announced by British TV channel Dave. Tim Vine took the prize for the second time.
Judges posted a shortlist of their favourites online, without attribution, and the public voted for the top 10.
1. “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover — well, it was just collecting dust.” — Tim Vine
2. “I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set.” — Masai Graham
3. “Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.” — Mark Watson 4. “I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.” — Bec Hill
5. “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me.” — Ria Lina
6) “Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.” — Paul F Taylor
7. “Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying.” — Scott Capurro
8. “I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame because halfway through he disappears up his own arsehole.” — Kevin Day 9. “I’ve been married for 10 years; I haven’t made a decision for seven.” — Jason Cook
10. “This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends on how you look at it.” — Felicity Ward
The three “worst jokes”:
1. “My mate sat on my pumpkin. He butternut squash it.” — Leo Kearse
2.“I’m lazy. My childhood ambition was to be an injured footballer.” — Mike Shephard
3. “I’d like to start with the chimney jokes — I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.” — Tim Vine
— © The Daily Telegraph
THE funniest Joke of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe award has been announced by British TV channel Dave. Tim Vine took the prize for the second time.
Judges posted a shortlist of their favourites online, without attribution, and the public voted for the top 10.
1. “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover — well, it was just collecting dust.” — Tim Vine
2. “I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set.” — Masai Graham
3. “Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.” — Mark Watson 4. “I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.” — Bec Hill
5. “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me.” — Ria Lina
6) “Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.” — Paul F Taylor
7. “Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying.” — Scott Capurro
8. “I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame because halfway through he disappears up his own arsehole.” — Kevin Day 9. “I’ve been married for 10 years; I haven’t made a decision for seven.” — Jason Cook
10. “This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends on how you look at it.” — Felicity Ward
The three “worst jokes”:
1. “My mate sat on my pumpkin. He butternut squash it.” — Leo Kearse
2.“I’m lazy. My childhood ambition was to be an injured footballer.” — Mike Shephard
3. “I’d like to start with the chimney jokes — I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.” — Tim Vine
— © The Daily Telegraph
